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Survivors Know the Gun Blame Game
On Nov. 8, 1998, my parents were both killed by a single .22 caliber gunshot wound to the head. My father fired both bullets. At no time did it occur to me to blame the weapon, nor has it since. My father murdered my mother and then turned the weapon on himself, leaving no note or message of any kind. So I guess I have a unique perspective on the topic of guns and “gun control.”
Although my father murdered my mother with a .22 rifle, do you think it matters to me how he did it? More importantly, if you think he wouldn’t have done it without a gun, you know little of human nature.
When something bad happens the natural reaction is to want to “do something” or blame someone. If they were to seek the true cause it might lead to uncomfortable situations, so instead, people blame society, guns, video games, music … the list goes on.
Suggesting that people are capable of heinous acts (especially when they are people we know) is almost too much to bear. And when a loved one is killed in a tragedy, some cling to their anger which requires a scapegoat. Meanwhile, the painful truth is that all of this blame and anger won’t bring anyone back to life.
When a shooting occurs, the fault starts and stops with the person who fired the gun. Let me repeat that: When a shooting occurs, the fault starts and stops with the person who fired the gun. Contrary to popular belief, guns do not load and fire themselves. If the shooter survives the crime, they should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. We all have to live within the same societal norms; when you murder someone, you should be held accountable.
Everyone has bad things happen to them. You will never know most of them since people tend to keep their personal demons and layers of hell to themselves. Unless the media gets interested … then all bets are off.
Having to admit my father murdered my mother was hard. To be honest, it still is very hard if I think about it too much. I think he turned the gun on himself because he couldn’t face us again. I don’t know that, of course, but that’s what I tell myself to feel better.
As far as his weapon of choice, I’ve been around guns my entire life. We knew that they were not toys, and I learned to shoot even though I never hunted. My dad also had a crossbow in the house, knives, and his very large bare hands. I’m convinced in that moment he would have used whatever was necessary for him to accomplish his plan. The hard part for anyone is to say … the reason my mother and father are dead is because my father was mentally unstable and abusive.
It’s easier to blame a gun, I guess, but it does nothing to solve the problem. As long as humans have existed there have been murders, long before guns were even invented. Unless we deal with the flaws of human nature in these nationally publicized shootings, we’re really not doing any good.
Automobile accidents are the number one killer of Americans every single year, yet there are no “MomsDemand” for cars. The blaming of the gun, which is just a paperweight without a human there to fire it, is an easy way out of a much more complicated and uncomfortable discussion.
Mental illness and domestic violence aren’t fun topics; they make us squirm. As I like to say, “domestic violence isn’t sexy” applies to the media and society at large.
It makes me sad that those who believe in our Bill of Rights have to jump to the defense of the Second Amendment every time a person uses a gun in a headline grabbing story. They shouldn’t have to even think about the gun.
The story, if told at all, should be about the people on both sides of the weapon, and those left behind.
Published in General
Thank you.
“LALALALALALALALALA – I CAN’T HEAR YOU”
-Shannon Watts
Mickey White, thank your for sharing your story. My step sister picked up a shotgun, put the barrel in her mouth and used a toe to fire it. The gun did not kill her, she killed her. A tragic senseless death. My heart reaches out to you.
God bless your family.
And mine to you.
Thank you for sharing Mickey. Your perspective is spot on.
Mickey, thank you for this post. And deepest sympathy for the losses you’ve endured.
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your perspective with us. This is very powerful and helps people like myself who are in the business of promoting guns for empowerment among women.
Thank you for sharing such a personal and traumatic story.
Blaming a tool for how it is used is nonsense.
But compounding that nonsense is the pretense that banning guns would do anything to stop gun violence. We banned drugs in the 20’s yet somehow those who couldn’t care less about the law still can buy and sell drugs. How would a gun ban be any different? The result of any such ban would be just as the bumper sticker says- only outlaws will have guns.
Until someone discovers a way to un invent firearm technology, guns will be with us. Since you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, the best option left us is to be sure the good, law abiding, life respecting citizens among us have superior firepower.
It is illegal today to shoot someone with a gun – yet it happens every day, many times a day. So the liberal solution ( as always) is new laws? They won’t do one darn thing to stop criminal use of guns, but it will do plenty to stop the law abiding from protecting themselves from those criminals using guns. Or knives, or baseball bats, or fists, or…
I’m sorry you had to go through such devastation in your life.
I am so sorry, Mickey, thank you for sharing your perspective with us.
Thank you for telling this painful personal story in order to share with us your correct moral conclusion. Reaching it was, I suspect, very difficult.
A gun, like any tool – as you point out, can be used for good or ill. What anti-gun activists (read, most every Democrat) cannot abide is the fact that a gun represents the apotheosis of power achievable by the hands of most individuals in the course of their lives. They seize upon even tragic circumstances, like yours, to stigmatize these inanimate objects. They do so, however, to disempower all individuals.
Most meaningfully, guns provide the power of defense of self and others against evildoers, be they individual or group. The history of the 20th century suggests that the most dangerous evildoers have been governments. (see “Death by Government” by R.J. Rummel). Even the potential for resistance to the power of the state – represented by individual gun ownership and made explicit by our Founders – is intolerable to close to half of our countrymen.
No reasoned argument will disabuse them of the desire to confiscate all weapons held by individuals. The state, you see, has become their God, omniscient, omnipotent and irresistible. We must bow down and submit, powerless, and rely on it alone for our protection.
I have nothing to add.
Mickey White, This made me cry, so sorry for you. People like you are a very rare breed, refusing to self-identify as victims. Thank you for sharing this.
More and more people are needed out front like Mickey White, Nikki Goeser and Taya Kyle
Blaming the gun for a death is just as stupid as blaming the pencil for misspellings.
Wow. That’s some impressive company. Thank you!
Thank you all for your kind words and for reading/sharing my story. I hope my unique perspective has given you pause.
Wow! What a remarkable story, movingly delivered. With strength like that, no wonder you are a Steelers fan.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have had the misfortune of knowing three people who committed suicide. Fortunately for me they were not close, but they’re deaths still had an impact, I can not imagine what you went through. None of them used guns. One was prescribed sleeping pills, another slashed her wrists, and the third was carbon monoxide. I do not remember anyone blaming the methods they used to kill themselves, the focus was on the troubled individuals and what drove them to their actions.
I will pray a rosary for you and your family, Mickey White.
Thank you all for sharing your stories with me as well.