Munchkin Coroner: Wicked Witch Died of Covid

 

Munchkinland – According to Munchkinland coroner Dweebnic McPhallanx III, the widely-despised Wicked Witch of the East died of complications related to COVID-19. At an impromptu press conference where the old bat’s corpse was prominently displayed, the 712-year-old McPhallanx stated, “As coroner, I must aver, having thoroughly examined her, that she’s not only merely dead she’s really quite sincerely dead.”

As the county seat of the Land of Oz, Munchkinland officials reserved the right to ensure that the daft shrew from hell — who was frequently seen without a mask — was legally, morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably, and reliably dead.

The coroner’s announcement put to rest a widely-held conspiracy theory that the death of the vicious hag had to do with a frigging house landing on her dome.

Though Munchkindland was previously thought to be free of the virus, the coroner’s determination meant an automatic return to the lockdown policies imposed last March by the city’s absolutely adorable public health officials. Mayor Alperoo Vercingetorix IV added that in addition to a reimposition of mask requirements and social distancing mandates, Munchkin children would have to remain in their nests until further notice.

The old battle-ax’s funeral arrangements have not yet been made public, though the mayor assured the citizenry that “It’ll be a real rager.”

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  1. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    Did the Wicked Witch have any co-morbidities?  Such as a long nose and a shreiky voice?

    • #1
  2. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    David Deeble: The old battle-ax’s funeral arrangements have not yet been made public, though the mayor assured the citizenry that “It’ll be a real rager.” 

    Just melt her and get it over with.

    • #2
  3. KCVolunteer Lincoln
    KCVolunteer
    @KCVolunteer

    Percival

    David Deeble: The old battle-ax’s funeral arrangements have not yet been made public, though the mayor assured the citizenry that “It’ll be a real rager.” 

    Just melt her and get it over with.

    Is that a reliable way to dispose of witches? I thought you had to burn them.

    • #3
  4. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    KCVolunteer (View Comment):

    Percival

    David Deeble: The old battle-ax’s funeral arrangements have not yet been made public, though the mayor assured the citizenry that “It’ll be a real rager.”

    Just melt her and get it over with.

    Is that a reliable way to dispose of witches? I thought you had to burn them.

    Her sister melted pretty good. It took a while, but that was only one bucket of water.

    • #4
  5. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    We’re all talking about Hillary, right?

    • #5
  6. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    David Deeble (View Comment):

    We’re all talking about Hillary, right?

    Things do not fall on Hillary. Hillary falls on things. Plus, she is a walking (waddling?) comorbidity.

    • #6
  7. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    @michaelhenry,

    Could you do a podcast for us on “Things Not to Do When Writing Parody”?

     

    • #7
  8. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Mark Camp (View Comment):

    @michaelhenry,

    Could you do a podcast for us on “Things Not to Do When Writing Parody”?

     

    Not sure what to make of this… 

    • #8
  9. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    ctlaw (View Comment):

    David Deeble (View Comment):

    We’re all talking about Hillary, right?

    Things do not fall on Hillary. Hillary falls on things. Plus, she is a walking (waddling?) comorbidity.

    May God damn me to hell but I do miss her. 

    • #9
  10. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Hillary and Nancy have teh saddz because a house fell on their sister.

    • #10
  11. Steve C. Member
    Steve C.
    @user_531302

    In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the Lollipop Guild or the Lullaby League.

    • #11