Humor

Three Martini Lunch

Iowa Chooses School Choice, Adams’ Border Complaints, Schiff’s Senate Run

32
Hosted by Greg Corombos & Jim Geraghty

Join Jim and Greg as they cheer Iowa becoming the latest state to pass sweeping school choice legislation which gives parents more options on where and how to educate their kids and creates more competition for our schools. They also groan as New York City Mayor Eric Adams complains about the burden placed on his city to deal with the flood of people who entered the nation illegally. The buses from red state governors are a drop in the bucket compared to the numbers of migrants being shuttled all over the nation by the federal government. They also react to Rep. Adam Schiff’s TikTok video complaining about his ouster from the House Intelligence Committee, which he immediately turned into a fundraising pitch just in time for his new campaign for the U.S. Senate.  And Jim reacts to the speculation that Aaron Rodgers could be headed to the New York Jets.

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Soviet Russia Jokes

David C. Broussard
David C. Broussard
3518947
 

I was participating in a thread by@willowspring about Professional Jokes and @kedavis mentioned wanting more “In Russia” jokes.  So, why not a thread of great Soviet/Russian jokes?  Like this one:

Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking. An old couple live in an apartment in Moscow and she sends him down to buy some meat for supper. After queueing for the obligatory three hours he gets to the counter and the woman says ‘No more meat, meat finished’. He cracks and starts raving ‘I fought in the Revolution, I fought for Lenin in the First World War and for Stalin in the Second World War and we are still in this [REDACTED]?’ One of the leather-jacketed brigade takes him on one side and says ‘Look old man you know you can’t talk like this. Just think, a few years ago you would have been shot for saying these things.’ The old man trudges home. His wife seeing him empty-handed says ‘Run out of meat again have they?’ He says: ‘It’s worse than that, they’ve run out of bullets.’

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Edgy Comic Refers to Audience as ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’

David Deeble
David Deeble
1512695
 

David Deeble, a standup comedian referred to by his critics as an “insult comic,” brazenly opened up his set at Sarah Lawrence College by addressing the audience as “Ladies and gentlemen.”

“Discomfort in the room was immediate and palpable,” said booker Gwynyd Simms (she/her, Bachelor of Arts in English.) “In hindsight, the absence of pronouns on his résumé should’ve been a red flag,” she added. (Simms would later embark on a month-long listening tour after being reminded that the term “red flag” is deemed offensive to indigenous peoples.)

According to witnesses, tension in the room only increased after Deeble claimed to have gotten married “old school — to a woman.” Undeterred, Deeble went on to say that he had “three children — one of each,” according to an audience member who wished not to be identified as their identity is currently in transition.

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Three Martini Lunch

McCarthy Rejects Schiff & Swalwell, Santos Plays Victim, Pence’s Classified Papers

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Hosted by Greg Corombos & Jim Geraghty

Jim and Greg discuss House Speaker Kevin McCarthy rejecting Reps. Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell for the House Intelligence Committee, with Jim explaining why the move is good politics and good policy. They also groan as Rep. George Santos criticizes comedians and other politicians for making fun of his serial mendacity. And as former Vice President Mike Pence admits having classified documents, they wonder just how many of our top officials are careless with sensitive materials.

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Professional Jokes

WillowSpring
WillowSpring
6019
 

I don’t mean jokes told by a professional comedian, I mean jokes told about a particular profession.  Unlike ‘lawyer jokes’ that I know, I don’t mean jokes others make to poke fun at a particular profession, I mean jokes that those in the profession would tell about themselves — usually with a seed of truth.

The best I can do is to give an example. I am an Engineer and this is about the only Engineer joke I know. Unfortunately, it is best told in person, since it requires sounds and gestures which are difficult to put into writing:

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Three Martini Lunch

Afghanistan Accountability, U.S. Arsenal Vanishing, Lightfoot’s Crime ‘Solution’

02
Hosted by Greg Corombos & Jim Geraghty

Join Jim and Greg as they welcome House Foreign Affairs Committee Chairman Michael McCaul’s vow to get answers on the Biden administration’s debacle in Afghanistan. McCaul says the administration has been stonewalling on providing documents on how U.S. intelligence was so wrong on the advance of the Taliban, the deadly attack on U.S. service members outside the Kabul airport, and much more. They also shudder as a new report shows the U.S. is dangerously deficient in producing new weapons to replace the many munitions we’re sending over to Ukraine. In other words, if the U.S. got involved in sustained military action, we could run out of key weapons in less than a week. Finally, they shake their heads as Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s solution to the wave of street vendor robberies is to tell them not to conduct business in cash.

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Three Martini Lunch

Dems Target Sinema, Klain Leaving White House, Tank Fight

02
Hosted by Greg Corombos & Jim Geraghty

Join Jim and Greg as they consider whether Republicans have a better shot at winning a U.S. Senate seat in Arizona now that liberal Rep. Ruben Gallego announced he is seeking the Democratic nomination in order to run against Sen. Kyrsten Sinema – who was a Democrat and is now an independent.  Can the GOP take advantage of a three-way race? They also welcome the news that White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain will be leaving soon after steering the Biden administration far to the left on many issues and then unconvincingly trying to spin us on the consequences of that approach. Finally, Jim breaks down the impasse on the Pentagon opposing sending M1A1 Abrams tanks to Ukraine and Germany refusing to send tanks unless we do.

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Biden: Search For Classified Documents May Turn Up More Homes

David Deeble
David Deeble
810707
 

President Biden conceded on Friday that the search for mishandled classified documents may turn up additional homes. After searches of his homes in both Wilmington and Rehoboth Beach, Delaware as well as his offices at the Penn Biden Center in Washington, Biden stated that he “can’t rule out the possibility” that more homes will be found.

When pressed by Fox News reporter Peter Doocy, Biden appeared to enter a fugue-like state, saying “Let’s see, there’s the mansion in Greenville I bought from the DuPonts – no joke… we called it The Station. Anyway, sources and methods pertaining to the Taliban might just turn up there… then we flipped The Station and bought the place in Wilmington, which has been searched top to bottom by my fixers, er, I mean officials from Justice Department… ditto my bachelor pad in Rehoboth…”

The President then appeared to nod off again before acknowledging that classified documents may in fact turn up at the five-bedroom property they rented in McClean, Virginia, where former first lady Jackie Kennedy grew up.

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Member Post

Jeff Ditzler
Jeff Ditzler
13
 

The von Lachen Group is an unrehearsed, unscripted discussion of events and issues of the day among Prussian military officers. Baron von Lachen: Issue nummer eins!  Tsar Putin vishes to bring ze rebellious outer provinces of ze Russian Empire unter his heel!  But ein counterattack of ze Zelenskian Cossacks has ze Tsar on his heels! […]
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Former Energy Official Lands Job as Baggage Handler

David Deeble
David Deeble
1661713
 

Sam Brinton, the disgraced Department of Energy official fired for serial theft of luggage and not for being non-binary, has found new employment at Washington, D.C.’s Dulles International Airport. “At Dulles, diversity is our strength,” said the airport’s Operations Director, Mike Stewart.

Upon hiring Brinton, airport management and the Service Employees International Union quickly renegotiated their collective bargaining agreement, creating a carve-out for Brinton against rules that prohibit high heels and long dresses from being worn in the workplace. (The attire prohibitions still apply to cis-gendered female employees.)

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Three Martini Lunch

SCOTUS Fails to Find Leaker, Debt Ceiling Drama, Biden’s Absent Advisers

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Hosted by Greg Corombos & Jim Geraghty

Join Jim and Greg as they offer up two bad martinis and a crazy one. First, they shake their heads in disbelief and deep skepticism that the Supreme Court couldn’t figure out who leaked Justice Alito’s majority opinion in the Dobbs case, which resulted in the overturning of Roe v. Wade. They also hammer President Biden for demanding no conditions whatsoever to an extension of the debt ceiling, even though his unconstitutional plan to “forgive” student debt by forcing the bill on other taxpayers caused this debate to happen months earlier than it should have. Finally, they roll their eyes at reports that Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack was tapped to co-chair the Supply Chain Disruption Task Force but never went to a single meeting.  Seems to be a lot of that going around with Biden cabinet secretaries.

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