Trapped in Fear

 

As I write this essay, I don’t even know if I’m going to post it. I only know my heart is aching and I can’t make the pain go away. It’s one thing to know that Americans are suffering due to their fear of Covid-19 and the propaganda that has been promoted throughout this country; it’s another to see a friend suffering from a fear that she is unwilling or unable to overcome.

I have known this woman for more than ten years. She is a Leftie. We learned a long time ago that there is no point in discussing politics. She is smart and sweet and is a down-to-earth person in so many ways. She developed a wonderful program to help children learn to read by bringing dogs into the learning process. And she’s been a good friend.

Since she’s a snowbird and currently living in Chicago, we’ve been practicing a physical movement series together through What’s App. Abiding by our original understanding, we haven’t discussed politics or Covid-19. But today, for me, something cracked open.

She is returning to Florida in a couple of weeks and asked me an odd question: was there a way to check on the internet at any given time whether emergency rooms and/or ICU beds were open at a hospital? I had to ask her to explain what she was asking, and then her query became clearer: if she had to be hospitalized with Covid-19, could she check which hospitals had space?

My brain felt as if it had been flooded by a dense fog. I then dipped into dangerous territory and asked her if she was getting news on the virus from any place other than MSNBC or CNN. She didn’t answer. I told her that nationally, the percentage of deaths was going down. She responded that wasn’t true. (I suspect she was thinking of the number of cases.) Then she said that North Dakota and Wisconsin, where she has family, were in bad shape, and I asked her what she meant. She said that five students had caught the virus and they were shutting down the school. I then buried myself when I asked if anyone had died. She flippantly answered that she didn’t think so. At that moment, I knew I had misstepped.

I quickly suggested that we not go there in the conversation. She agreed and we moved on to our practice. I had a difficult time concentrating, and although we were cordial when we finished, I felt the small crack that had emerged between us.

So, I’m stumbling under a swirl of emotions: disbelief, anger, sorrow. I know that part of my resistance to her state is my own frustration with dealing with the victimization of others. How can a person choose to be a victim? How can a person who is technologically adept not use her skills to get to the truth? How can a person who is naturally curious insist on wearing dark glasses rather than walking into the light?

I know. I know. People like her are everywhere. They choose suffering over information. They prefer living with the worst-case scenario rather than embracing possibility.

And there is nothing I can do to help—help her or anyone else.

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  1. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    I know many people (including family), who continue to be holed up in their homes, not enjoying all the wonders of the world and companionship with other people because the media has them convinced that Covid-19 is the deadliest of killers.

    • #1
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    I know many people (including family), who continue to be holed up in their homes, not enjoying all the wonders of the world and companionship with other people because the media has them convinced that Covid-19 is the deadliest of killers.

    How do you deal with that, @eustacecscrubb? Do you feel compassion for them? Frustration? How do you work with the alienation that seems to rise up?

    • #2
  3. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Susan Quinn:

    I know. I know. People like her are everywhere. They choose suffering over information. They prefer living with the worst-case scenario rather than embracing possibility.

    And there is nothing I can do to help—help her or anyone else.

     

    I let them ramble on without engaging, even when it is obvious that they are trying to get me to.

    Especially then.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Percival (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn:

    I know. I know. People like her are everywhere. They choose suffering over information. They prefer living with the worst-case scenario rather than embracing possibility.

    And there is nothing I can do to help—help her or anyone else.

     

    I let them ramble on without engaging, even when it is obvious that they are trying to get me to.

    Especially then.

    I think for those who act obnoxiously, I do the same. They don’t warrant my time, @percival. But for those who are suffering, who are lost, I just feel like I want to do something, but I don’t know what that is.

    • #4
  5. Bryan G. Stephens, Trump Avenger Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens, Trump Avenger
    @BryanGStephens

    Not worth the time. 

    I am done with coddling people who are fixed on feeling bad. I don’t have the energy.

    You did nothing wrong. You have no responsibility for another persons anxiety.

    • #5
  6. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    Susan, I live outside of Portland, Oregon, and I see all about me those who exaggerate the effects of catching the virus.  For some, the most sensitive and deluded, catching the virus is like a death sentence. 

    Apparently they don’t read.  They probably listen to CNN, etc.  I feel sorry for your friend.  What a way to go through this year, fearing everyone you meet.

    • #6
  7. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    The national grip of fear fomented by political and media forces is a form of slavery. In that regard, Lincoln’s words in his House Divided speech seem apropos:

    If we could first know where we are, and whither we are tending, we could then better judge what to do, and how to do it.

    We are now far into the fifth year, since a policy was initiated, with the avowed object, and confident promise, of putting an end to slavery agitation.

    Under the operation of that policy, that agitation has not only, not ceased, but has constantly augmented.

    In my opinion, it will not cease, until a crisis shall have been reached, and passed.

    “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

    I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.

    I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided.

    It will become all one thing or all the other.

    Either the opponents of slavery, will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or its advocates will push it forward, till it shall become alike lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South.

    We will either become free again, or we will slip into dependency and direction by “experts” over our lives. It is where they want us to go. Resisting fear is the true #resistance.

    • #7
  8. Eridemus Coolidge
    Eridemus
    @Eridemus

    Susan, I went through the same thing in Feb. ’18 and it still hurts (I also accidentally stumbled across a line I didn’t know was even there, but on the Green New Deal issue, resulting in total cutoff from a friend of over 35 years). Bryan Stephens is unfortunately right, there is no answer. I recall after Trump was elected, even when he was running, that opponents were telling each other that we supporters were “hopeless” and brainwashed, etc. so not to even try to communicate. In hindsight, that also was like a fear on their part of a kind of “infection”. I think derangement syndrome is not about positions themselves, but the attitude of avoiding exposure. Life is simply about far more than politics but there are those who let themselves go into a severe mental lockdown rather than spend the energy to be polite and keep less than perfect echo chamber relationships, whatever they have to delete from life in the bargain. You can’t make that decision for her or carry that burden because it is an internal and irrational condition not responsive to an outside “cure.” But it is exactly what bad politicians want so that the followers don’t question what “measures” may eventually be “necessary” for keeping THEM safe.

    • #8
  9. DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow
    @DrewInWisconsin

    It’s almost criminal the way the news media has been pumping fear into the populace all summer. I wish there was a way to punish them.

     

    • #9
  10. Dr. Bastiat Member
    Dr. Bastiat
    @drbastiat

    Susan Quinn: How can a person choose to be a victim?

    In modern America, that is very nearly the only way one can be a victim.

    And since the ultimate form of power in our society is through victimhood, many people make that choice.

    • #10
  11. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn: How can a person choose to be a victim?

    In modern America, that is very nearly the only way one can be a victim.

    And since the ultimate form of power in our society is through victimhood, many people make that choice.

    Yup. There’s a line.

    • #11
  12. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Consta… (View Comment):

    It’s almost criminal the way the news media has been pumping fear into the populace all summer. I wish there was a way to punish them.

    Yup. They have made a lot of money off of the virus. I knew they were rolling in new-found wealth when I started seeing the new “coronavirus” tab on so many news sites. That’s my indicator now for when the politicians and the press have officially stopped milking the hysteria: when these newly added tabs disappear. :-)

    Twenty years ago or thereabouts, I heard Rush Limbaugh–someone I had been pretty much ignoring at that point–talk about the press. He said something to the effect of, “They cause these problems and then step back and say, ‘Who, me? We’re just reporting.’ No, you’re not. You’re actually causing this.” At that time, I wanted to say to him, “Wow. That’s exactly how I feel about public education. They are the cause of the problems the kids are having! Then they blame the parents and everyone else.”

    A couple of days ago, I tried to find the early stats I remembered seeing on the virus when it first broke out in Wuhan and then what the stats looked like when it got to Lombardy. Looking at the age breakdowns for deaths, it was the same then as it is now. So why is (and was) everyone afraid of it, not just older people?

    I think the CCP started the hysteria because it was a virus they were experimenting with in the Wuhan lab, and they scared themselves silly over it–washing down the streets, locking up everyone in their homes. I don’t think they meant for it to get out, but they knew what it was–hence the adjective “novel” added to its name.

    It wasn’t until the virus reached here to be studied by American doctors and scientists that we understood better what it was and how to deal with it. By then, it was too late because NYC had had a tough time with it, and that was in the heart of the press’s capital for the world. Had the worst outbreak occurred in Topeka, Kansas, it would have been a footnote.

    Unfortunately, it has become like the Ebola and flesh-eating viruses and bacteria in the mind of the public. The only way this hysteria is going to calm down is by American doctors talking to their patients. That, and the cities and towns will run out of money.

    • #12
  13. 9thDistrictNeighbor Member
    9thDistrictNeighbor
    @9thDistrictNeighbor

    I’m not surprised.  I am surprised she is going to Florida.  Many, many people in Chicago are terrified.  The governor, especially, spouts statistics that the local media parrot.  The statistic of choice is “positivity rate” and it is used to limit activity in various areas of the state.   I know a family in Chicago, in their 40s with two teen girls, who are absolutely terrified.  The husband said he heard a recommendation that couples sleep wearing masks.  I’m quite sure that’s exactly what they do…because he read it in the NY Times.

    • #13
  14. DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow
    @DrewInWisconsin

    MarciN (View Comment):
    Had the worst outbreak occurred in Topeka, Kansas, it would have been a footnote.

    This is most certainly true.

    • #14
  15. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Susan Quinn: And there is nothing I can do to help—help her or anyone else.

    It’s hard, but sometimes people don’t want help and you have to stop trying and let them go.  Otherwise, you might end up needing help . . .

    • #15
  16. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Bryan G. Stephens, Trump Aveng… (View Comment):

    Not worth the time.

    I am done with coddling people who are fixed on feeling bad. I don’t have the energy.

    You did nothing wrong. You have no responsibility for another persons anxiety.

    I know I’m not responsible. But to have someone I’m close to in such pain. It’s just hard.

    • #16
  17. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Rodin (View Comment):

    The national grip of fear fomented by political and media forces is a form of slavery. In that regard, Lincoln’s words in his House Divided speech seem apropos:

    If we could first know where we are, and whither we are tending, we could then better judge what to do, and how to do it.

    We are now far into the fifth year, since a policy was initiated, with the avowed object, and confident promise, of putting an end to slavery agitation.

    Under the operation of that policy, that agitation has not only, not ceased, but has constantly augmented.

    In my opinion, it will not cease, until a crisis shall have been reached, and passed.

    “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

    I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.

    I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided.

    It will become all one thing or all the other.

    Either the opponents of slavery, will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or its advocates will push it forward, till it shall become alike lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South.

    We will either become free again, or we will slip into dependency and direction by “experts” over our lives. It is where they want us to go. Resisting fear is the true #resistance.

    Excellent points, @rodin. We are so unaccustomed to resisting, though! But it’s time!

    • #17
  18. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Eridemus (View Comment):

    Susan, I went through the same thing in Feb. ’18 and it still hurts (I also accidentally stumbled across a line I didn’t know was even there, but on the Green New Deal issue, resulting in total cutoff from a friend of over 35 years). Bryan Stephens is unfortunately right, there is no answer. I recall after Trump was elected, even when he was running, that opponents were telling each other that we supporters were “hopeless” and brainwashed, etc. so not to even try to communicate. In hindsight, that also was like a fear on their part of a kind of “infection”. I think derangement syndrome is not about positions themselves, but the attitude of avoiding exposure. Life is simply about far more than politics but there are those who let themselves go into a severe mental lockdown rather than spend the energy to be polite and keep less than perfect echo chamber relationships, whatever they have to delete from life in the bargain. You can’t make that decision for her or carry that burden because it is an internal and irrational condition not responsive to an outside “cure.” But it is exactly what bad politicians want so that the followers don’t question what “measures” may eventually be “necessary” for keeping THEM safe.

    You are so right, @eridemus. It is a comfort (although I feel sad for you) that someone else understands this kind of pain. I just wonder if, over time, the relationship will survive? I say that because it’s not just politics. I’m beginning to see more and more that it is a values conflict, too.

    • #18
  19. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    MarciN (View Comment):
    A couple of days ago, I tried to find the early stats I remembered seeing on the virus when it first broke out in Wuhan and then what the stats looked like when it got to Lombardy. Looking at the age breakdowns for deaths, it was the same then as it is now. So why is (and was) everyone afraid of it, not just older people?

    Excellent analysis, @marcin. I now realize that people are so irrational because they think they may be the exception. I might be the one to break the trend; my child might be the one who dies. Instead of realizing that they could also die in a car accident, which is more likely to happen. Sigh.

    • #19
  20. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    I don’t understand the seduction of fear. JY and I have concluded that it’s like victimhood, which is so attractive to so many people.

    What gets me are the people who Will Not Shut Up about their “co-morbities”. I have a friend … who is now morphing into an acquaintance. Dealing with her has been so stressful I don’t even take her calls. She leaves a VM and I reply by email. The last time I saw her was about 60 days ago with a computer problem I solved for her. In addition, she had some data that was going to take a trip to the T Mobile store to access and I told her the address. She looked at me in horror, claimed for the umpteenth time that she couldn’t leave the house because of COVID and listed all her health problems (which I can recite off the top of my head by now)  I told her to send her 26 year old son.

    More horror, that I would suggest he go to the T Mobile store and then bring back to her the deadly virus that is apparently stalking her.

    She then asked me to ask MY 26 year old son to do the errand for her.

    I attempted to quirk my eyebrow and said: so it’s okay for my son to take this horrible risk, but not yours. Got it.

    Way back in March I had some sympathy for the people who were frozen in terror. Now I have nothing but impatience and disdain. They happily hide at home in their perceived safe environment while truckers and grocery store stockers and restaurant delivery people enter the fray every single day.

    • #20
  21. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    I know many people (including family), who continue to be holed up in their homes, not enjoying all the wonders of the world and companionship with other people because the media has them convinced that Covid-19 is the deadliest of killers.

    How do you deal with that, @eustacecscrubb? Do you feel compassion for them? Frustration? How do you work with the alienation that seems to rise up?

    Compassion mixed with frustration.  I get together with one of my daughters and her husband through texting and Google Hangouts since they’re not comfortable meeting in person.  But frankly it is hard to make effort sometimes because of disagreements on Covid and politics (same same these days.) But I keep reminding myself that people are eternal, politics are not. 

    • #21
  22. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    Annefy (View Comment):
    Now I have nothing but impatience and disdain. They happily hide at home in their perceived safe environment while truckers and grocery store stockers and restaurant delivery people enter the fray every single day.

    I was at the grocery store yesterday, and the masked woman behind me said to the checkout clerk, “Can you wipe this down for me?” I had no idea what she was talking about, but the clerk did. The clerk was finishing checking me out, but that wasn’t fast enough for the masked woman. She repeated her command, “You’re going to wipe this down, right?” The clerk looked at her and then got out some spray bottle of something and sprayed the conveyor belt and wiped it down. Wow. The woman was so rude to the clerk.

    And a couple of times this past summer, I was at the grocery store in the early evening, and I saw employees on their hands and knees spray cleaning the kick plates where the shelves meet the floor. I couldn’t get that image out of my head for weeks.

    What is wrong with people? No wonder there are riots.

    • #22
  23. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    I know many people (including family), who continue to be holed up in their homes, not enjoying all the wonders of the world and companionship with other people because the media has them convinced that Covid-19 is the deadliest of killers.

    How do you deal with that, @eustacecscrubb? Do you feel compassion for them? Frustration? How do you work with the alienation that seems to rise up?

    Compassion mixed with frustration. I get together with one of my daughters and her husband through texting and Google Hangouts since they’re not comfortable meeting in person. But frankly it is hard to make effort sometimes because of disagreements on Covid and politics (same same these days.) But I keep reminding myself that people are eternal, politics are not.

    I’m getting more than a little annoyed with people like this also. My cousin (62 years old) in Scotland has not seen her two grown daughters or her grandson since March.

    I do a monthly bunco and weekly rosary with groups of friends that overlap somewhat. Bunco has not happened since February and our Wednesday morning rosary is now accomplished via Zoom. A friend and I spoke on the phone and caught up – in this circle (25 people?) there’s been three divorces since March and a few other women who appear to be really struggling mentally.

    My friend decided to throw caution to the wind and had a get together last week. All outside. No hugging required (but there was quite a bit of it). The women we were most concerned about were no shows. In each case they were acquiescing to the demands of their grown children to not join us.

    Any child of mine would be told to pound sand; that said, these particular women have grandchildren that their daughters are using as leverage. (You have to quarantine yourself for two weeks after being in public before you can see the kids)

    My impatience grows.

    • #23
  24. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Annefy (View Comment):
    Way back in March I had some sympathy for the people who were frozen in terror. Now I have nothing but impatience and disdain. They happily hide at home in their perceived safe environment while truckers and grocery store stockers and restaurant delivery people enter the fray every single day.

    Precisely, @annefy. Too many of these people are taking advantage of their situations, whether they realize it or not. For most of them, I have little patience. For a person who I once thought was reasonable, it’s not been easy.

    • #24
  25. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    Maybe try this:

    Have you followed the good news about COVID?  The increase in cases is at least half false positives according to followup studies and the bulk of the rest are younger healthier people who have few if any symptoms.  Most importantly, the death rate has plummeted. 

    The Northeast US got hit first and hardest but look at New York now:

    The graphs above are the same for NJ, CT and MA who all got hammered in March and April.  Hospitalizations are back to almost normal everywhere in the USA and even the states hit later (the south) are now seeing drops in fatalities in every state from CA to GA and FL.  The whole southern US looks a lot like Florida:

    The bad news is that all we went through with the lockdowns and masks and fear did not really accomplish much.  Compare the graphs for Sweden below where they did not close any schools or businesses.  The Swedish COVID death rate/pattern turned out to be identical to New York.  The “second wave” across Europe has not produced a bump in hospitalizations or deaths so COVID is rapidly becoming more like a normal flu in the incidence of serious symptoms. 

    If we had acted to specifically protect the vulnerable and the elderly instead of trying to block the spread of a bug that was already widely out there, like Trump and Dr. Atlas have said in the past month, we could have saved some lives and probably achieved wider immunity faster. And we would not have caused so much needless fear.

    • #25
  26. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    I’m not surprised. I am surprised she is going to Florida. Many, many people in Chicago are terrified. The governor, especially, spouts statistics that the local media parrot. The statistic of choice is “positivity rate” and it is used to limit activity in various areas of the state. I know a family in Chicago, in their 40s with two teen girls, who are absolutely terrified. The husband said he heard a recommendation that couples sleep wearing masks. I’m quite sure that’s exactly what they do…because he read it in the NY Times.

    This reminds me of when people were incredibly saying that even married couples who wanted children, had to use condoms, ALWAYS.  Because AIDS can kill EVERYONE!!!

    Nobody seems terribly scared of Ebola any more, so maybe it’s just going to take some time.

    • #26
  27. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Stad (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn: And there is nothing I can do to help—help her or anyone else.

    It’s hard, but sometimes people don’t want help and you have to stop trying and let them go. Otherwise, you might end up needing help . . .

    Yes, people like that don’t want help, they want commiseration. 

    • #27
  28. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    Maybe try this:

    Have you followed the good news about COVID? The increase in cases is at least half false positives according to followup studies and the bulk of the rest are younger healthier people who have few if any symptoms. Most importantly, the death rate has plummeted.

    The Northeast US got hit first and hardest but look at New York now:

    The graphs above are the same for NJ, CT and MA who all got hammered in March and April. Hospitalizations are back to almost normal everywhere in the USA and even the states hit later (the south) are now seeing drops in fatalities in every state from CA to GA and FL. The whole southern US looks a lot like Florida:

    The bad news is that all we went through with the lockdowns and masks and fear did not really accomplish much. Compare the graphs for Sweden below where they did not close any schools or businesses. The Swedish COVID death rate/pattern turned out to be identical to New York. The “second wave” across Europe has not produced a bump in hospitalizations or deaths so COVID is rapidly becoming more like a normal flu in the incidence of serious symptoms.

    If we had acted to specifically protect the vulnerable and the elderly instead of trying to block the spread of a bug that was already widely out there, like Trump and Dr. Atlas have said in the past month, we could have saved some lives and probably achieved wider immunity faster. And we would not have caused so much needless fear.

    You’ve convinced me, @oldbathos! I will think about it. First I have to approach her and ask if she is willing to look at some data. If she is, it’s more than likely she will criticize the data and reject it. Remember, you and I are motivated to look at the data as objectively as we can. I suspect she is more determined to “be right” and make me “misguided.” And she has also not asked me to supply information to begin. All that said, I will consider it. She will be back in FL in a couple of weeks; I think she’s more likely to talk with me if we’re together.

    • #28
  29. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Annefy (View Comment):
    I attempted to quirk my eyebrow and said: so it’s okay for my son to take this horrible risk, but not yours. Got it.

    But her “excuse” no doubt would be that it wasn’t the “horrible risk” for your son, the point was that YOUR son wouldn’t carry it back to HER.  Only to YOU, but you don’t have all of her other (real or imagined) “risks.”

    • #29
  30. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):
    I think she’s more likely to talk with me if we’re together.

    As long as you wear your mask, AND stay X feet away…  :-(

    • #30
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