Trapped in Fear

 

As I write this essay, I don’t even know if I’m going to post it. I only know my heart is aching and I can’t make the pain go away. It’s one thing to know that Americans are suffering due to their fear of Covid-19 and the propaganda that has been promoted throughout this country; it’s another to see a friend suffering from a fear that she is unwilling or unable to overcome.

I have known this woman for more than ten years. She is a Leftie. We learned a long time ago that there is no point in discussing politics. She is smart and sweet and is a down-to-earth person in so many ways. She developed a wonderful program to help children learn to read by bringing dogs into the learning process. And she’s been a good friend.

Since she’s a snowbird and currently living in Chicago, we’ve been practicing a physical movement series together through What’s App. Abiding by our original understanding, we haven’t discussed politics or Covid-19. But today, for me, something cracked open.

She is returning to Florida in a couple of weeks and asked me an odd question: was there a way to check on the internet at any given time whether emergency rooms and/or ICU beds were open at a hospital? I had to ask her to explain what she was asking, and then her query became clearer: if she had to be hospitalized with Covid-19, could she check which hospitals had space?

My brain felt as if it had been flooded by a dense fog. I then dipped into dangerous territory and asked her if she was getting news on the virus from any place other than MSNBC or CNN. She didn’t answer. I told her that nationally, the percentage of deaths was going down. She responded that wasn’t true. (I suspect she was thinking of the number of cases.) Then she said that North Dakota and Wisconsin, where she has family, were in bad shape, and I asked her what she meant. She said that five students had caught the virus and they were shutting down the school. I then buried myself when I asked if anyone had died. She flippantly answered that she didn’t think so. At that moment, I knew I had misstepped.

I quickly suggested that we not go there in the conversation. She agreed and we moved on to our practice. I had a difficult time concentrating, and although we were cordial when we finished, I felt the small crack that had emerged between us.

So, I’m stumbling under a swirl of emotions: disbelief, anger, sorrow. I know that part of my resistance to her state is my own frustration with dealing with the victimization of others. How can a person choose to be a victim? How can a person who is technologically adept not use her skills to get to the truth? How can a person who is naturally curious insist on wearing dark glasses rather than walking into the light?

I know. I know. People like her are everywhere. They choose suffering over information. They prefer living with the worst-case scenario rather than embracing possibility.

And there is nothing I can do to help—help her or anyone else.

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  1. Bryan G. Stephens, Trump Avenger Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens, Trump Avenger
    @BryanGStephens

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens, Trump Aveng… (View Comment):

    Not worth the time.

    I am done with coddling people who are fixed on feeling bad. I don’t have the energy.

    You did nothing wrong. You have no responsibility for another persons anxiety.

    I know I’m not responsible. But to have someone I’m close to in such pain. It’s just hard.

    That it is. 

    • #31
  2. DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Old Bathos (View Comment):
    The “second wave” across Europe has not produced a bump in hospitalizations or deaths so COVID is rapidly becoming more like a normal flu in the incidence of serious symptoms. 

    There does seem to be a second bump in deaths in Europe, though. Even in New York. But it’s a very small one.

    Here’s Italy for example:

    • #32
  3. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Consta… (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):
    The “second wave” across Europe has not produced a bump in hospitalizations or deaths so COVID is rapidly becoming more like a normal flu in the incidence of serious symptoms.

    There does seem to be a second bump in deaths in Europe, though. Even in New York. But it’s a very small one.

    Here’s Italy for example:

    The fatality rate compared to the initial surge is minuscule.  It is still the same victim demographic.  

    • #33
  4. DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Constant Sorrow
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Man of Consta… (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):
    The “second wave” across Europe has not produced a bump in hospitalizations or deaths so COVID is rapidly becoming more like a normal flu in the incidence of serious symptoms.

    There does seem to be a second bump in deaths in Europe, though. Even in New York. But it’s a very small one.

    Here’s Italy for example:

    The fatality rate compared to the initial surge is minuscule. It is still the same victim demographic.

    Yep. Very tiny. It’s there, but quite a difference from the spring.

    • #34
  5. CarolJoy, Thread Hijacker Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Thread Hijacker
    @CarolJoy

    People cannot be convinced of the truth. It was shown scientifically by a study the KGB did back in 1980’s, that after two months of constant bombardment of a Big Lie, then the people who had been told  the lie and were easily influenced by it were no longer capable of being swayed by the Truth.

    Also often people who are the most easily persuaded of a Big Lie are people who are vulnerable to it through past PTSD episodes – like having been raised by an abusive parent, or even some medical calamity like an earlier bout of cancer.

    Although it is natural to want to put out the word that she has no reason to be concerned, she is only going to interpret your thoughtful and truthful statements as proof of  your lack of ability to be well informed.

    Best bet is to be patient with her.

    Also remind her that if she does get sick, to insist on a full blood panel and not rely only on a diagnosis of COVID. Many people are suffering needlessly and perhaps even dying by not being treated for Legionnaire’s Disease or tick bites or other treatable ailments, once they get a COVID diagnosis. Legionnaire’s presents itself in a similar fashion to COVID and the COVID tests pick up past corona ailments like a flu suffered last fall, or even a cold. (I heard about all this while here on ricochet.)

    • #35
  6. Suspira Member
    Suspira
    @Suspira

    I found this county breakdown just by googling. Why not send it to her without comment?

     

    • #36
  7. CarolJoy, Thread Hijacker Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Thread Hijacker
    @CarolJoy

    kedavis (View Comment):

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    I’m not surprised. I am surprised she is going to Florida. Many, many people in Chicago are terrified. The governor, especially, spouts statistics that the local media parrot. The statistic of choice is “positivity rate” and it is used to limit activity in various areas of the state. I know a family in Chicago, in their 40s with two teen girls, who are absolutely terrified. The husband said he heard a recommendation that couples sleep wearing masks. I’m quite sure that’s exactly what they do…because he read it in the NY Times.

    This reminds me of when people were incredibly saying that even married couples who wanted children, had to use condoms, ALWAYS. Because AIDS can kill EVERYONE!!!

    Nobody seems terribly scared of Ebola any more, so maybe it’s just going to take some time.

    Yes it will take time. But if some economic experts can be believed, we are already past the point of no return in terms of the national economy. Consumer items – the big ticket money makers like new washing machines, refrigerators, stoves etc are already lacking in the supply chain.

    Very worrisome reports that some large scale machinery, like combines needed for farming, are not gonna be available if you order  them today and offer your money upfront for a full 12 months. We have become a Soviet Union overnight – I guess those pesky Lefties were right about Russia! (Meant satirically.)

    One economic expert stated that food banks are now at a point where it can be predicted that they will be 80 billion meals short over the next three years. And this is before there are extremely apparent food shortages.

    The Powers That Be had this planned for years and years – at least since 2012. And they knew exactly how to set up the propaganda. How is it that the same talking points were made in Australia as here in the USA? We are told “Together while alone” or some such tripe. While they are told “Holding together while alone.”

    • #37
  8. Eleanor Member
    Eleanor
    @Eleanor

    @susanquinn

    I am sorry you had to go through this. There are now so many third rails we are not to touch. Continue to be faithful to your friend. In many ways it does not matter if she cannot return the trust. You are only in charge of yourself. Thank you for sharing this reminder of life in 2020.

    • #38
  9. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    CarolJoy, Thread Hijacker (View Comment):

    People cannot be convinced of the truth. It was shown scientifically by a study the KGB did back in 1980’s, that after two months of constant bombardment of a Big Lie, then the people who had been told the lie and were easily influenced by it were no longer capable of being swayed by the Truth.

    Also often people who are the most easily persuaded of a Big Lie are people who are vulnerable to it through past PTSD episodes – like having been raised by an abusive parent, or even some medical calamity like an earlier bout of cancer.

    Although it is natural to want to put out the word that she has no reason to be concerned, she is only going to interpret your thoughtful and truthful statements as proof of your lack of ability to be well informed.

    Best bet is to be patient with her.

    Also remind her that if she does get sick, to insist on a full blood panel and not rely only on a diagnosis of COVID. Many people are suffering needlessly and perhaps even dying by not being treated for Legionnaire’s Disease or tick bites or other treatable ailments, once they get a COVID diagnosis. Legionnaire’s presents itself in a similar fashion to COVID and the COVID tests pick up past corona ailments like a flu suffered last fall, or even a cold. (I heard about all this while here on ricochet.)

    All good advice, @caroljoy! Thank you.

    • #39
  10. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Eleanor (View Comment):

    @susanquinn

    I am sorry you had to go through this. There are now so many third rails we are not to touch. Continue to be faithful to your friend. In many ways it does not matter if she cannot return the trust. You are only in charge of yourself. Thank you for sharing this reminder of life in 2020.

    I usually don’t have the patience for that, especially with people who have been like that not just since COVID, but for YEARS or DECADES.

    But if you can stick it out, maybe – just maybe – she’ll remember when it counts.

    Just to be clear, that’s a reply basically directed to @susanquinn

    • #40
  11. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Suspira (View Comment):

    I found this county breakdown just by googling. Why not send it to her without comment?

     

    When she gets back, I will! Sounds like it would be fairly non-intrusive.

    • #41
  12. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Eleanor (View Comment):

    @susanquinn

    I am sorry you had to go through this. There are now so many third rails we are not to touch. Continue to be faithful to your friend. In many ways it does not matter if she cannot return the trust. You are only in charge of yourself. Thank you for sharing this reminder of life in 2020.

    Lovely, @eleanor. Wise advice.

    • #42
  13. cirby Inactive
    cirby
    @cirby

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    The Northeast US got hit first and hardest but look at New York now:

    The graphs above are the same for NJ, CT and MA who all got hammered in March and April. Hospitalizations are back to almost normal everywhere in the USA and even the states hit later (the south) are now seeing drops in fatalities in every state from CA to GA and FL. The whole southern US looks a lot like Florida:

     

    Here’s the real chart – a (very rough) comparison between the NY and FL graphs, to the same scale:

    Note that Florida has a larger population than New York State.

     

     

    • #43
  14. Tocqueville Inactive
    Tocqueville
    @Tocqueville

    I think the fear factor is more acceptable than the social conformity/compliance factor.

    I have a “skeptic” friend that I can talk to about this. But one day, when I was furious about having a curfew (9pm! Lol), she said mildly, “well cases are going up!”

    And it’s not the first time someone has disappointed me by coming out unexpectedly with something totally the opposite of what you thought they thought.

    I realized that many people have an ability to TURN OFF, go on auto pilot and say what they are meant to. I NEVER do this, to my eternal discomfort.

    I can be silent, or lukewarm or muted in response, or I have been known or vociferously disagree (I don’t do this as much since 2016, or really since I became an ex-liberal) but I am literally incapable of Saying What I do Not Think. 

    Many people can go on auto pilot and just say stuff. I notice it all the time. You can discuss deeply and think you have an ally, and then the next day, the person just blithely tows the line, and there you are holding the bag. 

     

    • #44
  15. Ontheleftcoast Inactive
    Ontheleftcoast
    @Ontheleftcoast

    MarciN (View Comment):

    I don’t think they meant for it to get out, but they knew what it was–hence the adjective “novel” added to its name.

    The heck they didn’t mean for it to get out. They might not have meant it to escape from the lab, but they sure meant for it to get out of China. Once it was loose, once they realized that they couldn’t contain it, rather than spreading the word to the world, they decided to take advantage by spreading the misfortune. They locked down internal travel but had people flying all over he world from the epicenter. They used their puppet at the WHO to suppress Taiwan’s early warnings. They’re not stupid. They knew it would spread. 

    Meanwhile they hoovered up PPE from all over the world, causing shortages and allowing themselves to make money on it and use supplies as propaganda tools.

    • #45
  16. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    cirby (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    The Northeast US got hit first and hardest but look at New York now:

    The graphs above are the same for NJ, CT and MA who all got hammered in March and April. Hospitalizations are back to almost normal everywhere in the USA and even the states hit later (the south) are now seeing drops in fatalities in every state from CA to GA and FL. The whole southern US looks a lot like Florida:

     

    Here’s the real chart – a (very rough) comparison between the NY and FL graphs, to the same scale:

    Note that Florida has a larger population than New York State.

     

     

    I wish I could easily capture the graphs in Ivor Cummins YouTube presentations that put this stuff in perspective.

    • #46
  17. MichaelKennedy Inactive
    MichaelKennedy
    @MichaelKennedy

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    I’m not surprised. I am surprised she is going to Florida. Many, many people in Chicago are terrified. The governor, especially, spouts statistics that the local media parrot. The statistic of choice is “positivity rate” and it is used to limit activity in various areas of the state. I know a family in Chicago, in their 40s with two teen girls, who are absolutely terrified. The husband said he heard a recommendation that couples sleep wearing masks. I’m quite sure that’s exactly what they do…because he read it in the NY Times.

    I have a sister living in Chicago with a chronically ill husband.  They were pretty much self isolating over summer but I was pleased to see a birthday party photo of her husband with all the grandkids there.  Of course, they are conservative.

    • #47
  18. MichaelKennedy Inactive
    MichaelKennedy
    @MichaelKennedy

    cirby (View Comment):

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    The Northeast US got hit first and hardest but look at New York now:

    The graphs above are the same for NJ, CT and MA who all got hammered in March and April. Hospitalizations are back to almost normal everywhere in the USA and even the states hit later (the south) are now seeing drops in fatalities in every state from CA to GA and FL. The whole southern US looks a lot like Florida:

     

    Here’s the real chart – a (very rough) comparison between the NY and FL graphs, to the same scale:

    Note that Florida has a larger population than New York State.

    Florida also has nursing homes but positive cases were never returned to them to infect other patients.

     

     

     

    • #48
  19. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    MichaelKennedy (View Comment):

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    I’m not surprised. I am surprised she is going to Florida. Many, many people in Chicago are terrified. The governor, especially, spouts statistics that the local media parrot. The statistic of choice is “positivity rate” and it is used to limit activity in various areas of the state. I know a family in Chicago, in their 40s with two teen girls, who are absolutely terrified. The husband said he heard a recommendation that couples sleep wearing masks. I’m quite sure that’s exactly what they do…because he read it in the NY Times.

    I have a sister living in Chicago with a chronically ill husband. They were pretty much self isolating over summer but I was pleased to see a birthday party photo of her husband with all the grandkids there. Of course, they are conservative.

    @michaelkennedy, that’s wonderful. What could be a better treatment than seeing the grandkids! It’s such a relief to me to see those people who are gradually coming out or bringing others in.

    • #49
  20. Ontheleftcoast Inactive
    Ontheleftcoast
    @Ontheleftcoast

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):
    Meanwhile they hoovered up PPE from all over the world, causing shortages and allowing themselves to make money on it and use supplies as propaganda tools.

    And it’s working, too. For example, Anne Applebaum is carrying water for the CCP. OK, it’s The Atlantic, so you can’t expect real journalism.

    China does not just want to hide their mishandling of the outbreak, but they want to blame the origin of the virus on the United States and paint themselves as heroes saving the rest of the world from the pandemic they started. China’s Communist Party-controlled newspaper, People’s Daily, attributed shipments of masks and other medical equipment to countries like Iran and Italy as their love and care for all people. The Washington Post reported that those shipments were not donations, but exports purchased by those countries.

    Not to be deterred by facts, however, Atlantic Staff Writer Anne Applebaum upheld the lie that China was “sending aid” to Italy out of the goodness of their hearts.

    In an article titled “The Coronavirus Called America’s Bluff,” Applebaum makes the case for why the Trump administration is just as bad as the Chinese Communist Party. Applebaum initially describes China’s failings in handling the virus, but then compares Trump to officials in Wuhan for being “concerned about the numbers—the optics of how a pandemic looks.”

    She acknowledges China’s threats against it’s own doctors, but shifts blame away from the Chinese Communist Party because they did not instruct “anyone in the United States not to carry out testing.” She writes “many of those recounting China’s missteps have become just a little bit too smug.”

    • #50
  21. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):
    Meanwhile they hoovered up PPE from all over the world, causing shortages and allowing themselves to make money on it and use supplies as propaganda tools.

    And it’s working, too. For example, Anne Applebaum is carrying water for the CCP. OK, it’s The Atlantic, so you can’t expect real journalism.

    China does not just want to hide their mishandling of the outbreak, but they want to blame the origin of the virus on the United States and paint themselves as heroes saving the rest of the world from the pandemic they started. China’s Communist Party-controlled newspaper, People’s Daily, attributed shipments of masks and other medical equipment to countries like Iran and Italy as their love and care for all people. The Washington Post reported that those shipments were not donations, but exports purchased by those countries.

    Not to be deterred by facts, however, Atlantic Staff Writer Anne Applebaum upheld the lie that China was “sending aid” to Italy out of the goodness of their hearts.

    In an article titled “The Coronavirus Called America’s Bluff,” Applebaum makes the case for why the Trump administration is just as bad as the Chinese Communist Party. Applebaum initially describes China’s failings in handling the virus, but then compares Trump to officials in Wuhan for being “concerned about the numbers—the optics of how a pandemic looks.”

    She acknowledges China’s threats against it’s own doctors, but shifts blame away from the Chinese Communist Party because they did not instruct “anyone in the United States not to carry out testing.” She writes “many of those recounting China’s missteps have become just a little bit too smug.”

    Laogai are nicer than gulags, maybe?

    • #51
  22. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… Coolidge
    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo…
    @GumbyMark

    Earlier today I received this text message:

    I’m Marci, a volunteer with Field Team 6, on a mission to end COVID-19 with science by registering Democrats to vote.”

    I guess your friend is counting on Joe’s scientists to work their magic.

    I replied asking how they propose to end Covid.  Have not received a response.

    • #52
  23. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… (View Comment):

    Earlier today I received this text message:

    I’m Marci, a volunteer with Field Team 6, on a mission to end COVID-19 with science by registering Democrats to vote.”

    I guess your friend is counting on Joe’s scientists to work their magic.

    I replied asking how they propose to end Covid. Have not received a response.

    You shouldn’t believe there was any actual person behind that email.

    • #53
  24. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):
    She acknowledges China’s threats against it’s own doctors, but shifts blame away from the Chinese Communist Party because they did not instruct “anyone in the United States not to carry out testing.” She writes “many of those recounting China’s missteps have become just a little bit too smug.”

    Give us a break, Anne Applebaum. Really.

    • #54
  25. Tocqueville Inactive
    Tocqueville
    @Tocqueville

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):

    Ontheleftcoast (View Comment):
    Meanwhile they hoovered up PPE from all over the world, causing shortages and allowing themselves to make money on it and use supplies as propaganda tools.

    And it’s working, too. For example, Anne Applebaum is carrying water for the CCP. OK, it’s The Atlantic, so you can’t expect real journalism.

    China does not just want to hide their mishandling of the outbreak, but they want to blame the origin of the virus on the United States and paint themselves as heroes saving the rest of the world from the pandemic they started. China’s Communist Party-controlled newspaper, People’s Daily, attributed shipments of masks and other medical equipment to countries like Iran and Italy as their love and care for all people. The Washington Post reported that those shipments were not donations, but exports purchased by those countries.

    Not to be deterred by facts, however, Atlantic Staff Writer Anne Applebaum upheld the lie that China was “sending aid” to Italy out of the goodness of their hearts.

    In an article titled “The Coronavirus Called America’s Bluff,” Applebaum makes the case for why the Trump administration is just as bad as the Chinese Communist Party. Applebaum initially describes China’s failings in handling the virus, but then compares Trump to officials in Wuhan for being “concerned about the numbers—the optics of how a pandemic looks.”

    She acknowledges China’s threats against it’s own doctors, but shifts blame away from the Chinese Communist Party because they did not instruct “anyone in the United States not to carry out testing.” She writes “many of those recounting China’s missteps have become just a little bit too smug.”

    Anne Applebaum makes me ill.

    • #55
  26. Tocqueville Inactive
    Tocqueville
    @Tocqueville

    Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… (View Comment):

    Earlier today I received this text message:

    I’m Marci, a volunteer with Field Team 6, on a mission to end COVID-19 with science by registering Democrats to vote.”

    I guess your friend is counting on Joe’s scientists to work their magic.

    I replied asking how they propose to end Covid. Have not received a response.

    I love these dumb expressions coming out everywhere: “stop Covid”, “combat Covid”… 

    And I love that China’s role in this has been totally forgotten, as we tear around frantically fretting over curfews, restaurants and face coverings. Totally unprepared for the day something worse comes along. It’s like as if we forgave Pearl Harbor on 8 December. 

    • #56
  27. James Lileks Contributor
    James Lileks
    @jameslileks

    We had no idea how many people existed in the intersection of victimhood, paranoia, bossiness, information control, and the preference for working at home in sweatpants. 

    • #57
  28. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    James Lileks (View Comment):

    We had no idea how many people existed in the intersection of victimhood, paranoia, bossiness, information control, and the preference for working at home in sweatpants.

    That’s kinda strange, though.  Just for one, how can they be bossy if they’re not around other people?

    • #58
  29. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    James Lileks (View Comment):

    We had no idea how many people existed in the intersection of victimhood, paranoia, bossiness, information control, and the preference for working at home in sweatpants.

    And don’t forget full pay. 

    @kedavis: the bossiness would be towards the cleaning lady or delivery person who dared appear not fully masked.

    It has been helpful to identify the tyrants among us; I spent a rare day inside a few stores today (killing time while a car was being worked on) There were three security guards just inside the door at Marshalls on mask duty. I was putting mine on as I entered; two had already begun to approach me. 

    • #59
  30. Tocqueville Inactive
    Tocqueville
    @Tocqueville

    kedavis (View Comment):

    James Lileks (View Comment):

    We had no idea how many people existed in the intersection of victimhood, paranoia, bossiness, information control, and the preference for working at home in sweatpants.

    That’s kinda strange, though. Just for one, how can they be bossy if they’re not around other people?

    Virtuousness. 

    • #60
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