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Hate to burn two hours on a movie? Are you scarred from scenes you’d rather have missed? Here is a list of common movie review words and phrases–and what they tell you about what is actually in the film.
“Sweeping” Uneven and confusing timeline. May shift back and forth between eras.
“Epic” Thirty minutes too long.
“Fresh, modern take” The author is spinning in his grave.
“Coming of age film . . . ” Contains uncomfortable sequences of adolescent sexual experimentation. Avoid.
“Daring” A sailor would blush.
“Brave” Your assumptions will be so challenged, you’ll walk out of the theater halfway through.
“Saucy” Women saying a bunch of crass and obscene stuff
“Irreverent” Prepare to have all you hold dear profaned on the big screen.
“Realize they are drawn to each other” Adultery is a central plot point.
“Hilarious” If you can overlook the lewd premise–oh, wait, that’s the funny part.
“Torn between the man she loves . . . ” Follow your heart, folks. We can’t say that too many times.
“Outrageous” Over-the-top plot, for a jaded audience.
“Sweetly charming” Yawn. Skip it.
“Bound to be a cult classic” It’s kind of weird and hard to follow.
“Quirky” It was justly panned by audiences.
“Idyllic” Contains disturbing scenes of violence and witchcraft in a country setting.
“Offbeat” Strange and boring.
“Exploration and discovery” WARNING: not sci-fi.
“Bold” Has a graphic sex scene during the first five minutes.
“A classic the whole family will love” Has child actors making comments that would have gotten your mouth washed out with soap.
“A pulse-pounding thriller” Contains gratuitous gore.
“A movie for all generations” A guarantee that Grandma will not like it.Published in