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What Does It Mean to Be Good?
After listening to the most recent GLOP podcast, I started to think about the meaning of being good. John Podhoretz mentioned the death of Gene Wilder; he shared that Wilder had been obsessed with being good. Anything taken to an extreme, such as an obsession, can be a detriment to our lives: the obsession becomes the center of our universe and everything else is secondary. The story caused me to think about my own commitment to being good, what that meant to me, and how I acted upon it.
As a child, I practiced being good to avoid getting into trouble! But as I matured, I realized that intuitively I wanted to do good because G-d expected me to. Finally, I chose to be and do good because I wanted to serve G-d. Although goodness is partly an “inside job,” it is also demonstrated in how we act in the world. So I can think about good things I’d like to do, but unless I actually do them, I am not fulfilling my understanding of being good.
I spent a little time exploring how others saw being good. In one article the writer suggested the following:
Always ask yourself: Am I defining “good” as that which looks good to the fast-food-Internet-Hollywood segment of society, or am I defining “good” as that which has real meaning, a deep message, and makes a valuable contribution to society?
To be good, we also are called to do things that we really don’t want to do, or that are unpleasant. To be with my husband who has a condition that causes him to cough, often loudly, can be challenging. How can I be a good person around him and in a way that helps him? There are times when I think I can’t bear another moment. But then I stop my flailing thoughts, breathe deeply, continue my knitting or reading, and allow him to do what he needs to do; that, for me, is being good.
I also love to lead my meditation group and to be a hospice volunteer. Visits with friends and being present for them are also ways to be good. Being good for me also demands that I only do as much as I can, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Lots of people spread more goodness than I do, but I know my limitations, and to be good for everyone, including myself, I find a balance in those activities.
Am I always good? Hardly! Sometimes I am selfish, self-centered and clueless. But I am also human. And like many folks, I do my best.
Some of you may think that you do things in the unfolding of your lives but you don’t think about whether they are good or not. You just do them because they call to be done. In my view, that is the actualization of a deeply held goodness.
So my heart goes out to someone like Gene Wilder. I expect that he was a good person, even if he was obsessed with being good. My hope for him is that he was able to embrace his goodness in ways that were fulfilling and rewarding for him, as well as for others.
So what does it mean for you to be good? What is your own definition? Why is it important to you? How do you teach it to your children? How do you act upon it in the world?
Published in Religion & Philosophy
Works for me! Why do you think it’s a “mine field,” dime?
Thank you, Podkayne! It’s now on my purchase list. Sounds wonderful!
Boring to others or to you, dime? I think it is so rich, joyous, enlivening to be able to interact and try to bring those experiences to others. Now living in a cave is boring.
Your dear son, I Walton. This is goodness. Lived.
I’ll bite.
The Torah does not cal eating the fruit a sin. See here for bite-sized textual analyses that argue Eden was inferior to what followed. And which talks a great deal about creativity – “good” is defined by G-d as a creative act.
G-d waits generations before the flood, to see if mankind repents. Only when it is clear that mankind will not pull itself together does he reboot the world.
G-d refrains from destroying Sodom until it is clear that they have institutionalized evil to such an extent that it will never recover.
G-d does not punish those who are not Jewish unless they specifically resist (like the Egyptians). Indeed, the Torah goes to pains to point out that Edom and other nations have their own inheritance, to which Israel has no claim. Which means that G-d does not have very high expectations for those who are not His people. And there are no negative consequences for being one of them except the lack of a relationship with the divine (a key reason why Jews do not proselytize, and a major differentiator between Judaism and Christianity).
Ongoing and recurring themes of returning to G-d, of love despite infidelity, of mercy being available to all of us, however much we have done wrong. For each person, the next decision, not the last one, is the most important. I’d say that makes it very clear that G-d measures each person by their choices. It is not our past that defines us, but our present. Which means G-d is always grading on a curve.
The Musar movement was inspired by Benjamin Franklin. Our leaders took his approach to self-examination, and institutionalized it in a framework of learning.
Okay. Yes there are rules, and many of us fail miserably to follow them. But remember all the times G-d forgave when Moses pleaded for the Israelites: after Sinai, when the spies lied about the land they entered and the people were afraid to enter; and there are other examples. G-d understands we are human. He wants us to keep striving for goodness. It is in the striving and learning that we grow and approach holiness.
I’m so far from being an expert that it’s really unwise for me to discuss theology, Mr. C. It’s probably better that we don’t. I hope you’ll understand. Thank you for your curiosity and sharing your thoughts.
Thanks so much, iWe. I wish I’d seen this comment two comments ago!
I love when kids speak highly of their parents. You “did good,” Johnny.
Many of the people in the Bible are flawed, some more than others. There is a lesson in that. Thanks, Midge.
There’s grading, and there’s forgiving. Not always the same thing, especially in Psalm 51. (Maybe not ever the same thing.)
Oh, I realize not the same thing. Hence
It is very human of us to think of God as a grader, though.
I was talking to the culture in general. Goodness is its own reward and a true blessing.
It requires judgment and defining what is bad.
[Apologize to Croc Dundee.]
“He’s got a plank.”
“That’s not a plank. This is a PLANK.” @oldbathos
I think doing one’s duty has a lot to do with it. But I know a lot of ‘dutiful’ people who I don’t think are particularly ‘good.’
My granny was a great believer in “a glad heart and a good will.” Some might call it ‘joy,’ or maybe put it in a religious context. If you don’t have any of that when you’re doing your duty, then I’m not sure your duty ‘counts’ for much on the goodness scale.
Which leads me to wonder: Is doing good the same thing as being good?
I’m not sure.
Only doing counts. Every attribute in the world is neutral – neither good nor bad. It is what we do with the tools we have that matters.
Podkayne of Israel:Susan, you may like some of Alan Morinis’s books on Mussar , the Jewish concept of practical ethical improvement. He’s been working on bringing some of the classical techniques to a contemporary audience, and he does it quite well. Optimistic and change oriented, not at all heavy-handed.
I often wonder why kaballah, which is often so abstract, has captured the popular imagination, whereas mussar has not. Mussar seems much more practical for us ordinary people.
Again, I would commend one to Alan Morinis. He uncovers a lot of buried treasure.
As far as mussar teaching goes, I try to be introspective and honest about my weak points and my strong ones. I try to be open to doing the work needed to uproot old habits that are holding me back and blocking the light.
In general, I find that the small cycle of Shabbat and weekdays and the larger one of the holidays and the seasons helps me to find some kind of pacing. When I read the Psalms (not often enough!), they remind me of G-d’s infinite concern for me and all the rest of the world. Then I try to do the next right thing He puts in front of me.
Interesting turn in this conversation.
I used to help out for a short time in a local soup kitchen, and it was really interesting. Some of the donations were unusable, some were questionable, and some were excellent in every way. All of humanity was on display for me to contemplate while I peeled eggs to make egg salad sandwiches. :)
Corinthians 13 (American Standard Version) contains this statement:
Hard to believe that as far as God is concerned, a physical act of helping others is not enough in and of itself. You must do it with love or it doesn’t count. And, of course, doing it because you truly love the person you are trying help means you aren’t looking for a reward from God either.
It is better perhaps to set out in life to love others with our whole heart than to set out in life to help others, lest we cause real harm. Our love will push us along in the best direction by itself.
I heard a great sermon years ago that has stayed with me ever since. The priest described life as a journey. When we are babies, we think the world revolves around us. When we are adolescents, we realize other people have rights. When we are adults, we truly love others more than ourselves.
When we realize we too (like David) are loathsome sinners, we should be uncomfortable That discomfort is assuaged NOT by minimizing our sin or in really, really (this time I mean it) trying harder to do better. Instead it is assuaged by God’s glorious promise to David (and to us) that HE has a way of “blotting out transgressions”and “cleansing sin” motivated by HIS love for us, HIS compassion toward us, HIS mercy (again, not our ginned up obedience or good intentions).
Here are the words of David (from Psalm 51).
1Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
Thank you. I really enjoyed the music you posted a while back from the Psalms.
I think we may be talking past each other here. I never found it anything other than natural to worship with the psalms, or, during penitential psalms, to approach them with anything other than the attitude “I am the chiefest of sinners”.
What I have noticed, though, is entering fully into the “No joke, I really am a loathsome sinner” mentality sometimes has the odd effect of alienating you from the judgment of “good people”. Be really convincing with the confession, “Yes, I am no less a sinner than David,” and sometimes people start gossiping about you… then, when you’re obligated to say, “No, not in that way,” simply to restore some order and honesty, they worry you’re a hypocrite.
I watched the one minute video, don’t buy it (respectfully). Where does scripture say that G-d’s definition of “good” is LIMITED to creativity (although His creation is of course good). Cannot one be “creatively evil?” I can, my kids can, don’t know about you. ;)
This is a good post. I think of good as doing things that are of a benefit to others and what God (through the revelation in Scripture) considers to be good or righteous. It is my belief that I ultimately am made good through Jesus Christ, but to be good, in the natural sense, really is dying to myself, my ego, and loving others as I love myself. It is important to me because I believe that this is how human beings can truly survive. So, I reject the idea behind the survival of the fittest and desire to live by an ideology of survival of the most loving or humble, which really is just based off of Jesus’s greatest commandments -> “Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.” I do plan on teaching this to my son (who should be born in the next week or so). I hope that he grows up with a love and a patience for people and an understanding that they hold value because they also made in the image of God.
Bingo!, Susan. That’s my point. ALL of the people in the Bible (save One) are flawed and fatally so. Our friend David tells us that in Psalm 14:
1b….There is none who does good.
2 The Lord looks down from heaven on the children of man,
to see if there are any who understand,
who seek after God.
3 They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt;
there is none who does good,
not even one.
I whole-heartedly agree with your paragraph 1, so maybe we were talking past each other. I am not sure I get your point in paragraph 2, or how it correlates with paragraph 1. I guess I would say the main point is a realization that we all come before G-d needy, broken, beggars, moral cripples. We bring nothing to the table morally speaking. It is that acknowledgment that motivates us to get help, to go the physician for healing, not just advice or encouragement.
Did David earn his position? Looking for God to grade on a curve misses out on grace.
We are seen justified by God if we repent, not by being a little better than the next sinner.
Heading on a curve is not the lesson To learn from that.
Psalms 51:16-17
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
All good questions MFR. I’ll try to respond. Respectfully submitted, what if “what matters to [you]” isn’t the critical question, but instead what matters to G-d. Similarly, how could you reject G-d’s word (the Psalms) because you had decided that something it said didn’t jive with your philosophy? Shouldn’t we alter our philosophy to fit G-d’s word? Aren’t “God’s ways are higher than my ways, and God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts”? And if we are miserable sinners, as we agree, could our thinking be corrupted by that sin & sinfulness? Isn’t it a little too easy for us to decide the sins of others are the “big” sins, but ours–not so bad in the big picture? Isn’t that like the fox watching the hen house? Things to ponder. Thanks MFR