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My Thoughts and Prayers Are With the Victims
Yes, perhaps the phrase deserves the mockery. It’s a cliché, and rarely does a cliché have the power to comfort. To reach for it suggests that the victims weren’t even worthy of a few moments of a good speechwriter’s thought. It’s the wrong response.
But what’s the right response to a well-planned, murderous attack on a center for the developmentally disabled? What could the right response be? The French have recently taken to saying, “On ira les buter jusque dans les chiottes,” as Putin said before the second Chechen war. I won’t translate it, because it’s vulgar, and because Americans don’t need speechwriting or statecraft lessons from Vladimir Putin. But it does sound more honest, at least, than a prim, pursed-lipped recitation of the phrase “our thoughts and prayers are with the victims.”
The victims were people who spend their days caring for the developmentally disabled. I don’t know much about the center, but I know the most common developmental disabilities are conditions like Down Syndrome, mental retardation, and cerebral palsy. The type of American who does work like that is one I admire more than any other. I’m thinking of the hospice worker who cared for my mom when she was dying. She called my mom “Miss Toby,” which was a lovely and, in her case, instinctive way to show respect to a woman of my mother’s generation without being cold. That’s not the kind of work you do for the glamor or the easy money, and you sure don’t do it because it’s an adrenaline rush and a thrill. I imagine the Inland Regional Center’s filled with humble, gentle, patient people who feel a calling to help the vulnerable. These monsters attacked a place where good, decent people provided housing, work, and therapy to 30,000 people with developmental disabilities, and killed them.
The motive has not yet been formally ascertained. The murderers were apparently the parents of a six-month old child. I can’t imagine anything going deeper against the grain of human nature than a mother abandoning her six-month-old child to commit mass murder. Maybe you don’t believe in the devil, but if your theory of the workings of the human soul can explain that by appeal to some other concept, I’d bet — when you get right down to it — that you’re just using a synonym.
I’m finding the reporting on this maddening. Half of America has decided already that the story is Narrative A: Our relationship with guns is sick and we’ve got to do something to fix this. The other half is determined that it’s Narrative B: Jihad. And few are willing to wait to find out if the facts really support the narrative.
Maybe it’s both. It’s hardly implausible that this was a planned, organized jihadi terrorist attack. But, then again, we do manage to slaughter each other in such numbers and on a sufficiently regular basis that Narrative A could even be true. Maybe these weren’t poorly-assimilated Muslims, but really well-assimilated Muslims — so well-assimilated, and so profoundly Americanized, that they adopted one of the most demonic aspects of modern American culture: From time to time, we shoot people en masse for no reason.
It’s breathtaking to think we may have been attacked by ISIS, or by Islamists “inspired” by them, but we don’t even know yet, really — because this sort of thing happens all the time. That shouldn’t make sense, but it does.
That we don’t yet know their motives isn’t owed to a conspiracy to cover up the truth, but to the decency of our system of law enforcement system, which still prioritizes examining the evidence before announcing what happened. That’s how it should be. It’s not surprising that it takes more than a few minutes to do that.
The law seems to be doing its job as it should, although from overseas, it’s hard to tell. You’ve probably seen this video already, and even if you have, it’s worth watching twice. It may not be proof of the existence of God, but it’s certainly proof of the existence of goodness. We don’t live in the best of all possible worlds, but this shows we don’t live in the worst of all possible ones, either.
The officer is keeping count of the workers at the center who are fighting back panic and tears. His voice is calm and warm. “Go. Go. Keep your hands where I can see them.” But he remembers to say, “Please,” and “Thank you.” “Thank you, thank you. Try to relax, try to relax.” He’s still keeping count. “I’ll take a bullet before you do, that’s for damned sure,” he says to the terrified people he’s serving and protecting. And it’s obvious from his tone that he means it. “Just be cool, okay?”
If you want evidence that God hasn’t abandoned the human race, watch and listen to that video. He didn’t rehearse that line — I’m sure he didn’t wake up thinking, “What should I say, if such a thing happens, to make myself look like a hero?” It just came to him spontaneously. The people he was protecting, people so frightened they could barely breathe — you can hear how ragged their breath is — must have known he meant it.
My thoughts have been with the victims since I saw the news. My thoughts aren’t all that important. But I’m sure every American watching the news was thinking of them, devastated for them, outraged for them, sickened for them. Even the responses that offended everyone on Twitter because they didn’t meet the right narrative (whatever it’s supposed to be) showed that people were thinking, in their ways, of the victims of a vile, depraved, diabolical crime. The words they used to express their thoughts may have been clumsy and artless; their political views confused or wrong; but their thoughts, at least, were with the victims.
And so are mine.
And my prayers are with them, too. Because sometimes a cliché is all you’ve got.
Published in General, Guns, Policing
Cliches exist for a reason. Sometimes they are the best you can do in horrible circumstances. Thanks for posting the touching video. My son is a social worker, a sweet and gentle person. I can’t even fathom the mindset that would attack such people, who exhibit kindness and caring every day.
Not that it makes too much difference, but I believe the attack was on a gathering of county workers who rented conference space at the facility, and not on the employees or clients of the facility.
I don’t think a promise of thought and prayer should ever be dismissed or even characterized as a cliché. Perhaps it isn’t always sincere, but more often than not I’m sure it is. To the non-believer it may seem like a fruitless notion, but to the believer it has value. The way the president and the left has decided to mock and belittle the notion of prayer is disgusting and thoroughly divisive. It shows such despicable contempt for the consciences and most deeply held values of many, probably still most, Americans.
So please don’t say prayerful wishes are cliché or suggest they are somehow empty. It is after all exactly what one of the women enduring the attack asked for most fervently while texting her father in the midst of bullets flying by her and killing her coworkers. It is also what the survivors did in the immediate aftermath of being evacuated.
Well, I’d characterize these words as a sincere cliche. “My thoughts and prayers are with you” is what you say, and mean, when bad things happen to people, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t sincere. In this instance the left is trying to mock Christians while gaining some political hay. It is despicable, that’s for sure.
Claire,
First, you characterized narrative A and narrative B people as equally determined to see it only their way. I think the facts of the reporting and commenting on this event don’t agree with that. Many, many, comments coming from the President on down, the movie media people,..etc. have come before the bodies are taken to the hospital and morgue. The knee-jerk prejudice of those who desperately want to make all Jihadist violent acts into random violent acts and turn all violence into a commercial for their latest (proven to be useless) gun control law is much more evident.
At this point, I agree that the MO of the suspects is not what we normally look for. Although Muslim with a recent trip to Saudi Arabia, they didn’t appear disaffected or radicalized and, in fact, seemed perfectly well adjusted. Neighbors, however, report that a group of Muslim men were going in and out of their residence.
They were extremely heavily armed and prepared well in advance for this. The manner of attack was almost professional. All of this for me doesn’t add up right.
I am waiting for much more information before I would hazard a judgment. However, I would prefer not to have the anti-gun lobby & the Jihadist sympathizers exploit the victims & their families while we’re waiting. Thanks President Zero.
Regards,
Jim
This is now looking like what Daniel Pipes referred to as “Sudden Jihad Syndrome.” One of the hallmarks of jihadi sympathizers is the belief that non-Muslims should comply with Sharia to avoid offending Muslims, so it’s probably significant that the attack took place at the office Christmas party. And the killer recently grew his beard out and began wearing robes and a kufi.
That’s not of much practical help, though.
It’s often said by those who oppose the mass admission of “Syrian” and Syrian “refugees” and refugees to the US that in polls, over 10% of Syrians support ISIS. What’s not been said so much is that polls also show 70% support for Hamas among Syrians.
No problem for most Americans, of course, since ISIS goes after both the “Saturday People” and the “Sunday People,” while Hamas’ priority is the “Saturday People”.
Speaking of thoughts and prayers, I like this:
The Blogger In Question there is an ex-priest (retired prison chaplain) and former South African soldier whose anti-apartheid activities made him a marked man in South Africa, forcing him to leave for his own safety.
Leaving aside this case and its possible jihad aspect for a moment:
The biggest factor in the proliferation of mass shooting incidents is imitation. The shooters are modeling the actions of previous shooters, as disseminated by mass media. This disease has unfortunately infected our culture and is spreading, and there is no obvious way to eradicate it.
To take a much more benign example: Years ago, tattoos were uncommon, except on men with certain backgrounds or occupations. Today, you see them on a vast number of people – good, bad, wealthy, poor, men, women, and even children. Let me hasten to say that I am not comparing people with tattoos to mass shooters! I’m simply saying that there are things that are simply not done, and then, for complex reasons, suddenly they are done. Just as celebrities and mass media have enabled the acceptance of tattoos among a wide cross-section of society, “celebrity” shooters and mass media have, among a narrow, depraved subset of society, planted the seed that an unthinkable act might actually be thinkable. The template is out there and has been well established and publicized; it’s just a matter of the individual shooter filling in the blanks to become the latest “celebrity”.
Imitation is obviously also a contributing factor in the proliferation of terrorism. That’s why the San Bernardino shooters were wearing GoPro cameras – to inspire others. And I don’t mean other “workplace violence” shooters.
If I could be profound, I would be. Even expressing how inadequate words are in the face of such tragedy is trite, yet they are.
It bubbles out of the best of them. God bless them all.
(Yeah, another cliché. So is “sue me.”)
When someone I know has faced a terrible tragedy, I never know what to say. “Thoughts and prayers” is a decent fallback. It may be inadequate, but it is not insincere.
When someone wants sympathy — wants to feel sheltered by others or wants simply not to feel alone — the specific words don’t matter so much. Mainly, they just want you to speak, because you’re not there to offer a shoulder to cry on or a nod to communicate, “I’m here for you.”
And sometimes we just need to say something, anything, for ourselves because it hurts to be helpless.
Don’t worry too much about the words.
Thankfully, for many of us, prayer is more than a pleasant thought. It is an invitation our Father acts upon in order to ensure we are never helpless and always striving to love another. Like a child, I beseech God to take from my graces to give to those who need them most. And He always answers.
As would I. Or as phatic expression. The words by themselves say nothing new, but signal the fulfillment of a social obligation. The comfort comes from not from the words themselves, but from being reassured that you haven’t been left out of the social-obligation loop.
Who is “we”? You are lumping me in mentally ill psychos and criminals. I ain’t slaughtered anybody. Perhaps you should go back to painting class and practice with something other than the very broad brush.
Claire, shame on you for such laziness.
maybe these weren’t poorly-assimilated Muslims, but really well-assimilated Muslims — so well-assimilated, and so profoundly Americanized, that they adopted one of the most demonic aspects of modern American culture: From time to time, we shoot people en masse for no reason.
Claire I find this offensive – there are two classes of people that do this; schizophrenic/bi-polar/unbalanced people and Muslim jihadis. I’m pretty sure the jihadis are winning the body count sweepstakes in the last few years and their lead is pulling away. In the meantime those of us that believe maybe we need a pause in importing any more folks that have a propensity to become this culturally allergic to assimilation are treated worse than Cassandra, and the virtue mongers continue to preen.
Mollie had a good column on Thoughts and Prayers.
My thoughts and prayers are for the ending of all Muslim immigration to the West.
Is the flutist a friend of yours, Claire? A beautiful piece. Thank you. Did I see somewhere that your mom was a flutist?
No, I disagree. All of culture is a rehearsal for just these occasions. He spoke as one born and raised in a Judeo-Christian culture — honoring all life and willing to sacrifice himself to fight evil.
I’d bet dollar to donuts he’s Christian, or was raised one, or had the ethic of heroic self-sacrifice inculcated in him at the police academy where he trained. You’ll pardon me if I say this all points to belief in Jesus Christ — all rooted in Judaism and the subsequent Christian worldview. I am, after all, a western chauvinist.
Do you suppose Saudi police speak to their people this way? How about the Chinese, Korean, or Japanese? I could be wrong, but I doubt they do.
Larry Arnn and Hugh Hewitt had a profound discussion about western virtues on Hewitt’s Hillsdale Dialogues hour. This very subject (heroic self-sacrifice) was discussed while comparing Lord Jim to Thomas More wrt the purpose of a liberal arts education.
I would add a third category: sadistic psychopaths-sociopaths, like the guy who killed the worshipers in South Carolina.
I agree with this, though I’d also agree that it’s overly-anodyne and gutless.
Honestly, my preference would be that presidents and presidential candidates didn’t say anything on the matter whatsoever. It’s not a federal issue (or shouldn’t be).
Cross post: http://ricochet.com/shooting-from-the-hip/comment-page-2/#comment-3090214
Plus: Some clichés exist due to their eloquence and rectitude. When confronted with a horrible situation one is often at a loss for words and fear that whatever expression you make will be misheard or misinterpreted. This is particularly true when one does not know the affected individual(s) personally and cannot craft a personally meaningful comment of comfort and support. The person who objects to the phrase “my thoughts and prayers are with the victims” reveals more about the inner life of themselves than the one of whom they object using that phrase.
No, but my grandfather was the composer. He was an organist and pianist (and trombonist); his wife was a pianist; and my mother was a cellist.
Cont… If culture isn’t teaching you what it means to live a good life — to consider the big issues and what it takes to be a virtuous person — well then, you have every reason to be indifferent to it. That’s what’s happening in the West. As (Jewish and Christian) religious practice (rehearsal) declines, so too goes our cultural confidence. Many of us may be willing to say, “Islam has a problem.” But many fewer will go so far as to say, “Islam is incompatible with our culture.” That’s what makes the problem so intractable.
Was it? I missed that. Thanks for letting me know.
Actions are a reflection of the culture. The culture of Jihad is the proximal cause of killing in the name of Allah. So too the level of violence in America is a reflection of a culture that is swimming in the cult of death. Like it or not, mass shootings are happening on a regular basis in this country and there is a “we” element. We are enamored with death. The male killer in San Bernadino was an American citizen. He may have been radicalized, but he was nonetheless influenced by Americanism. I don’t see the post as a broad indictment of every individual American, but rather a statement of fact. We have trouble analyzing our culture. Perhaps we are missing some key elements that have taken hold of the national mind. That doesn’t mean ignoring the Muslim connection. But it does mean that our nation has problems that cannot be ignored. It c ould be that we need a good examination of conscience.
I agree. “I will die so you can live” is the most Christian idea there is.
Never apologize for that.
The officers that responded to this horrible incident, and those officers that engaged the murderers remind of me of the officers I served with. Their courage and the willingness to act when they had no idea that this tragedy would become a part of their shift in San Bernardino. You really never know what the day will bring.
A narrative is emerging that combines Claire’s scenarios A and B. This shooting is being considered in many quarters to be a “hybrid” of workplace violence and terrorism.
This makes no sense.
To understand why, consider a Muslim family where a daughter is raped and her father then kills her. Would that be considered a “hybrid” domestic dispute and honor killing? No, it would simply be the latter.
I embrace cliches.
When someone’s mother dies and a card is passed around at work, I write “condolences.”
What am I supposed to write? I feel your pain? I can imagine the pain you must be going through? I didn’t know your mother but I’m sure you will miss her and I hope to see you back your usual chipper self at work tomorrow?
It seems to me that the offenders are those who despise cliches more than those who use them.
Those who hate the person trying to be pleasant are the failures, not the person using a crutch to be pleasant.