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Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? Or, Reasons Why I’m Still Single
The other day, my sister-in-law commented on an article her friend posted on Facebook titled “Why Men Won’t Marry You.” Naturally, my ears perked up. Yes, I would like to know why I’m still single at my age. Please, Fox News article, tell me!
The arguments laid out are similar to those a member posted on the Ricochet Facebook page that caused quite the, um… stir. The author of the Fox News article makes a more compelling, less rude case for the decline in marriage rates, and breaks it down into two main reasons:
- Because, why not? With premarital sex not only having become commonplace but even expected, why buy the cow when you can get a gallon of 2% for free by the second or third date? Most of my friends think it’s not only weird, it’s folly to wait until engagement or marriage to have sex.
- What’s in it for men? Citing punitive, husband-hating divorce settlements so easily come by — especially in “no fault” states — men have an increasing fear of losing everything they’ve worked for. According to the article, marriage rates are way down in England and America — the lowest since 1895. The protesting party in this anti-marriage sit-in are usually the men, and I can certainly attest to that with my own dating experience.
Since moving back to Nashville from New York, in an attempt to steer clear of the charming sleazeballs I had dated in my early- to mid-20s, I vowed to only date men with a kind heart and a strong Christian faith. And I’ve done just that — over and over and over. In the past five years, I have been shocked by how many wonderful, smart, kind, morally centered men there are out there; men who would make wonderful husbands and fathers.
But here’s the kicker — they don’t want to get married! After a few months of stimulating conversation, fun outings, and me getting emotionally attached, it always ends the same way: “I really like being single, I just don’t think marriage and kids is for me.” There’s a smattering of other reasons thrown in as well, like “It makes me really insecure that you make more money than I do,” or “I don’t feel established enough in my career to support a family.” I might write off the whole I-don’t-want-to-get-married thing as a ruse, something they say to soften the blow; however, these men do not go on to marry other women. I can only figure that either I’ve ruined them for good, or they actually don’t want to get married.
Where did this anti-marriage sentiment come from? With every Southern Christian stereotype in mind, one might normally dismiss the unmarried male trend as something that must be contained to the secular, lefty East and West coasts, but this trend is happening right here on the front porch of the Bible belt. Men raised in unbroken, socially conservative Christian homes are choosing the bachelor life instead.
Of course, everyone has the right to stay single if they so choose, but the resulting effect it has on society is not good (Cloward and Piven, anyone?). We can all list the contributing factors behind the marriage strike — premarital sex becoming de rigueur, a weak job market, militant feminism, and a court system punishingly skewed in favor of women. But how do we change it?
Without swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction, how can we begin to move the culture back to a time when men picked you up at your door for a real date and didn’t stop calling if you didn’t put out right away? I hope things change, because with each passing year I get closer and closer to that double-wide in the country and adopting all the cats.
I would love to hear from the Ricochetti bachelors. Why do you stay single? What would it take for you to change your mind and settle down?
Published in Culture, Marriage
If I were a sociologist I would foster a study into the influence of bridal magazines on the cost of wedding, the incurrence of wedding related debt, and the eventual success or failure of marriages. If only I didn’t thinkj that sociologists were mostly full of horse leavings………….
Actually, there was a study that showed divorce rates based on how much was spent on the ring, how much on the wedding, how many guests were in attendance, and how long the dating & engagement periods were. Evidently, you’ll have a better chance at not getting divorced if your ring is $500-$2000, the wedding cost less than $10,000, there were more than 150 guests there, and you dated for at least a year but had a short engagement. There’s the formula, guys!
Don’t blame the marketers for the fiscal irresponsibility and poor taste of the customer! I never once looked at a bridal magazine and my father who could have afforded a major “shindig” informed me we were inviting 75 people and no more.
BTW, more cost saving tips about receptions- make your guests provide the entertainment. After a sit-down dinner, instead of the boring toasts and the amateurish band, selected friends and family members were asked to stand up and tell a brief, humorous story about either the bride or the groom. (Naturally, I was the butt of most of the stories because I married a goody two-shoes!)
The best part of this new family tradition (hosted by my father) was that it involved the guests as opposed to making them feel like bystanders.
Well, that’s frustrating. …no link! no title, no author. not even a tag. I’m curious.
PeteEE, the post on the FB page was by Dave Blair. It was full of links to sites suggesting the financial costs and emotional perils of marriage, depicted the bride as withdrawals in exorbitant amounts from one’s ATM…It kept resurfacing, but may well have been pulled by now.
I have been very interested in this and related topics for a month or so now. I feel like there are some really important things being said by non-mainstream voices. Unfortunately, the something about the tone bothers me. Is it angry? jaded? furious? self-serving?
In any case, bring the discussion to Ricochet and the whole conversation becomes intelligent, civil, and respectful.
Go Ricochet!
Hi Nanda, thanks for the welcome. I’m around but I just don’t post much, too darn busy. Working my tail off as a carpenter, welder etc and still running the liquor shop, not much time to do anything but pop in and read, got to pay for two daughters in university now!
Domo
Pete EE, there was a link when this was on the member feed, but the content of the link is not CoC compliant to say the least! So it was removed by the editor when this got promoted.
Who writes the blog in that link? Did you see it links back to this post as well as two Midge posts? (Looks like someone’s a fan!)
“I hope things change, because with each passing year I get closer and closer to that double-wide in the country and adopting all the cats.”
As promised, VC — here is the “Cat Lady Action Figure” – – it’s pose-able, for hours of fun, and a lot less expensive and low-maintenance than a herd o’ real cats. (Believe it or not, I’m still good friends with the guy who got this for me.)
It can happen to men too!
Marriage is the only thing keeping my wife from becoming a crazy cat lady. I didn’t have a problem with 3, then she talked me into 4 but I told her 4 really must be the limit. If I die before she does there’s no telling how many she’ll have. In her fantasy world Sarah would also have horses, pigs, dogs, and rabbits for pets. Just one bear, though. Maybe some burros. Maybe a few foxes and otters.
Courtesy of TheMetaPicture.com
Susan, where do I order that, because it looks awesome!
You should have that many kids, not cats.
Try harder.
Just kidding, just kidding.
Ignoring the cat ladies, how often have y’all seen a childless couple with one perfect little pooch who gets the A+ doublegood dog chow (those dogs eat better than I do.) I sort of figure they’re sublimating the desire for children into their pets.
Well, we have one small dog who gets that kind of chow. If we had a large dog that wouldn’t happen. We did get her right after we got married, but we have a child now.
That being said, I totally understand where you’re coming from. People who obsess over their animals are strange.
Puns, the lowest form of humor. ;)
Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, not puns.
We have a blind kitten. We named her Schroedinger, because we are not entirely sure whether she can see.
She gets on well – seems healthy, loves hunting, and occasionally even catches mice, which is impressive for a cat that routinely walks into things.
Our neighbor wants to pay to take her to a vet, but my principles forbid it. Our cats are outdoor animals, and I do not want the investment (emotional or otherwise). Most of our cats over the past ten years have lost all nine lives to passing cars. So spending money on her is senseless.
If I were by myself in a new place, I would expand my social circle in ways like this:
1. Join the local chapter of a wilderness rescue club, in which people who are fit, love the outdoors, yet love humans enough to be interested primarily in saving lives practice wilderness rescue and first aid techniques. They also have planning sessions to which I would take baked goods. For help finding such a club I might contact SOLO.
2. Advertise to area homeschoolers willingness to teach music or voice, lead a chorus, help direct a musical production, if I had talent of that kind.
3. Join a local gun club and sign up for lessons.
In all cases I would make friends with people of all ages, including my parents’ age and my grandparents’ age. I would throw dinner parties regularly, for 2 or 3 couples, and invite people of various ages to the same party. This would bring me onto the radar of local social hostesses as well as of Men Who Nudge Other Men (We need a term for those, right?).
Yes, we call them Husbands…..
Very good!
Well I am catching up.
Because I have yet to meet a women who will put up with me or vice versa.