Tag: dating

Marriage Is Not Meant to Be Fun


You can’t imagine my exasperation a couple of days ago when I read about the marital bliss of many couples that comes from their living apart.

Seriously? Is that supposed to be an honest-to-goodness marriage?

Let me clarify that the people I’m describing in this post are not apart temporarily due to job changes or other life disruptions; these are people who think their lives are dramatically better because they aren’t living with their spouses.

The First Rule of Romance


Romance is the lover at play.

An acquaintance of mine told me how he had asked his live-in partner to marry him. He and his partner had lived together for several years. He had been married before and had grown children. The kitchen faucet started acting up, so she got under the sink and began working on it. He was watching her work and was moved by how much he loved this remarkable person.

On E-Girls


I may be young, and I may spend too much time staring at screens, but I’m decidedly out of step with the bleeding edge of Internet culture. Only when Facebook became passé did I give in and make an account (which I seldom use). I’ve yet to touch Tik-Tok, and I doubt I ever will. All for the best, I think. But some friends just alerted me to a new-ish trend in the digital world: the so-called “e-girl” (or “e-thot,” in slightly less polite parlance).*

An e-girl is a young woman who sells feigned affection online. A customer gives her money, and she pretends to care about him by sending him pornography, seductive videos, personalized letters, or even presents. Yes, you read that correctly: A not-insignificant number of men are willing to pay random women on the Internet to give them attention. (Some even justify their pathology as a form of “providing.” “I’m doing my duty as a man!” they say. “I’m providing for her!”) This isn’t entirely new. I once read that the most popular offering among upscale brothels, for example, is not sex as such, but the whole romantic package — a nice dinner and a night on the town, followed by a consummation of the short relationship. The e-girl model makes a digital simulacrum of this available to every sad schlub with a laptop and an Internet connection. Can’t find a girlfriend? Just buy a fake one. Or try a dating simulator.

Online Dating: Social Justice Warriors and Frozen Snowflakes


This seems like something that could be added to the conversation on social justice warriors. While browsing Hinge this evening, I came across this profile which took me aback, something that rarely happens anymore. This person’s response to a prompt about “what social cause I care about” was by far the craziest I’ve ever read on one of these sites. There is a theory that some people say far-fetched things to impress other people especially in blue cities like Chicago, but the sheer madness and breadth of what he invented here makes me think he was actually being quite concrete. Here’s his answer:

“Disabling the white, ableist, cis-hetero patriarchy by destroying capitalism, firing all cops, and guillotining the rich.”

Our most requested episode ever: Veteran matchmakers Emily Zanotti and Bethany Mandel lay out the hard truths about dating—and their best advice. Listen up—but be prepared for some tough love!

Valentine’s Day was Friday, but this episode still talks about what it’s like to date in D.C., a place where newly employed and recently relocated host Jack no longer lives, though his guest Madeline Fry of the Washington Examiner does.

Mr. Tinder, or, How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate the App


Last week, the most popular man on Tinder was all over the news for finally finding love. Stefan Pierre-Tomlin was named “Mr. Tinder” back in 2017, after accumulating 14,600 right-swipes in a mere two years, an all-time record according to the app. An untold number of likes later, Pierre-Tomlin says he’s found the love of his life, but, in one large, delicious dollop of irony, not on the app that earned him his moniker. Pierre-Tomlin met his girlfriend in person, through a friend—or as tabloid headlines are declaring “the old-fashioned way,” which is a fairly damning critique of modern society if non-digital meetings are indeed now considered passé.

Pierre-Tomlin’s story alone is, of course, purely anecdotal evidence, but when viewed with available statistics on apps and modern dating culture, it paints a rather nasty picture. Out of all his matches, for example, Pierre-Tomlin only found two women with whom he had relationships. Which shouldn’t really be surprising: according to one survey, only 44 percent of women and 38.4 percent of men on dating apps are looking for a serious relationship.

(A slightly unrelated but still interesting aside: 0.8 percent of women on these apps are in it for free food and drinks, while 2.9 percent of men are. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but there you go.)

Scully Doesn’t Care: Why Men Loved ‘The X Files’


“You disparage Scully?”
“Who?” my wife asked.
“Gillian Anderson, she was Scully on The X Files,” I said.
“You mean that gross show?”

My wife is not wrong, “The X Files” was often gross. In fact, it was downright disturbing at times. In retrospect, it was also pretty badly produced, often poorly acted, and occasionally made no sense. None of that matters to me. I’m sentimental about “The X Files” and it has nothing to do with the quality of the show. It holds a special place in my heart because, despite its flaws, it was always there for me.

It may or may not surprise you, but I was kind of a dork in high school. I wasn’t smart enough to be an academic nerd, or geeky enough to be a comic-book nerd; I was more like 50 percent dork. I played some team sports, but I also founded a photography quartet called The Phototards. I had a few girlfriends but never attended a homecoming or prom. Some weeks I went out on Friday night, but on others I found myself sitting alone in my room with nothing to do. It was on those nights, friends, that “The X Files” came to the rescue.

Bridget’s youngest sister Vanessa reveals what your wedding photos predict about your marriage, the joys and challenges of working with children, and why hedgehogs make terrible pets. She and Bridget discuss the trials and tribulations of dating millennial men, her 3 basic requirements a guy should have and why it’s harder to find than it should be, and her theory that feminism is making men lazier. Don’t miss their insightful conversation about unlearning unhealthy behaviors that were modeled for them in childhood, taking responsibility for your own life as an adult, no matter what kind of circumstances you come from, and the danger of waiting to be rescued. Vanessa shares her belief that therapy is like getting an education about yourself, the process of breaking the habit of losing yourself in a relationship, and the importance of practicing gratitude every day.

One and Only, or Shop Around?


There are two philosophies of dating and finding a partner.

There is the idea that some people can find their person at the get-go.  This means that dating further is without purpose and sticking with it, learning how to be in a relationship, and making a commitment is paramount.  There is the other idea that one never knows unless one has experience of the world.  Why settle down when you can sample the finer things in life?  Why settle down when you can check around and maybe find something better?  How do you know that you want what you’ve got unless you see what else is out there?  By see, of course I mean experience.

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https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/50bf662a-c48c-4201-b2de-c575b14f6645 This essay disturbed me. Setting aside my doubts that people can willfully change their ideals without being dishonest and wasting other people’s time, is this the last barrier that someone will try to take down in the quest for an “identity-blind world”? If not with government intervention, at least with social pressure? The subject […]

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With their name now official, the Young Americans take care of some unfinished business from the first episode, despite having two different guests. But they spend most of this episode discussing what the difficulty young Trump administration officials are having getting dates (as reported by Politico) says about both our political culture and our dating culture, drawing, in part, from their own dating experiences.

Ethical Non-Monogamy and Conservatives


People might say that monogamy is very much a conservative thing. For some of us, we’re less socially conservative and it brings to mind the question: why do people think that conservatives are such sexual prudes? Just because we think sex is private doesn’t mean we aren’t creative. Heck, in thinking about it, I started to realize something else.

Conservatives are the ideal group for ethical non-monogamy.

The Real Fallout from Weinstein


Set aside the revulsion or shock over what Weinstein did. Set aside too the anger over the hypocrisy of those who knew of what he did and let him get away with it anyway. Instead, spare a thought for those whom Weinstein damaged without ever meeting them. I speak of the very youth of America who will ultimately bear the brunt of the punishment for the fools and power brokers who ever have covered for the creeps among the powerful.

The system that allowed Weinstein to flourish will likely remain unchanged, as the powerful will ever and always be protected and shielded until the dam breaks, while the national outrage instead ever further confuses and separates the relations between men and women, leaving honest and decent young men confused and afraid, and honest and decent young women even more unprotected against offense.

Why is this likely? Because it keeps happening. I came of age in the wake of the Clarence Thomas nonsense and public hysteria over sexual harassment. Set aside the question of whether Anita Hill was honest in her accusations, the fact was that her accusations were national news and endlessly discussed. Schools, colleges, and businesses nationwide, seeing the damage wrought merely by an unproven and ultimately unprovable accusation, reacted rapidly to create and enforce sweeping new policies governing the interactions between men and women in order to mitigate against charges directed their own way. In many respects this reaction went entirely too far.

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In honor of my stupid personal life, today’s quotes will be on the subject of love. If it weren’t for love, we’d never shave our legs or put on perfume. It would be so much easier and cheaper. I mean the fortune we’d save on Victoria’s Secret! I currently have about $2,000 in Victoria’s Secret […]

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Ask Amelia: St. Valentine and the Interns


People of Ricochet, I am back. Just in time to sort out your love lives in the two weeks we have until Valentine’s Day.

Dear Amelia: I have two darling interns — bright, beautiful, all-American girls in the young leaders program at the Heritage Foundation. They want to balance careers and start families but can’t find life partners in this city. I want to protect them from Tinder and shield them from the late night spots and a decade of dating around, wasting their time. Basically they are me 10 years ago. What advice should I give them? — (Trying to be) Helpful on the Hill

Dear Helpful,

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Oh, hello there. Over the last several months, I’ve departed from my practice of writing lengthy pieces on political matters here at Ricochet.  There’s no mystery as to why: Like so many of you, I find our current state of political affairs unredeemable.  Or, at least, bad enough such that I have turned my back […]

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Professional Society to Astronomers: Stop dating each other! It’s not worth the risk!


shutterstock_305017364The feminist reaction to sexual harassment has ended with this jaw-dropping statement from the American Astronomical Society’s executive officer. Effectively, he’s telling astronomers not to date each other. I’m not exaggerating much. He’s specifically and explicitly saying that the risk of sexual harassment is so great that you are not allowed to date anybody you meet at a conference, even if you scrupulously behave yourself:

Second, do not treat any AAS meeting or other event as a venue for finding a romantic partner. Yes, there are people at our events, and yes, people do make romantic connections, and yes, there may even be opportunities to make such connections at our events, but please, everyone, just shelve these inclinations for our conferences. Too much damage is being done. Just one negative interaction in the poster hall, at a session, in the bar during the meeting, or at a restaurant or offsite event may be all it takes to dissuade a bright young scientist from participating in our field. This is unacceptable, and it needs to stop.

And then,

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Author Note: Longtime podcast listener, fairly recent member, and first time contributor. Glad to be here. If you have spent much time attending an evangelical church, as I have, you may have heard this advice from the “singles” ministry: “Take a year off from dating.” This is often recommended to a person who has recently […]

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