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Final Dobbs Draft Also Overturns New Deal
A leaked version of what appears to be the final draft of the Supreme Court’s ruling in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health goes further than the original draft leaked on May 2. In addition to striking down the Roe precedent, the court also abrogated the New Deal signed into law by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
The court’s final ruling vis-à-vis Roe remains identical to the first draft ruling, with the exception of a single corrected misspelling.
The majority ruling surprised many court watchers by even addressing the New Deal, let alone striking it down in its entirety. “This court has been living a lie for nearly a century” the Alito-authored final draft begins. The opinion goes on to say that the Supreme Court will “no longer uphold blatantly unconstitutional laws simply because of cheap threats of court-packing from the Executive.” The ruling also added that any president or Congress that attempts to follow through on such threats can “suck it.”
Senator Elizabeth Warren was unavailable for comment as her eyes were rolling toward the back of her head.
Concurring in a separate opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas added “The federal income tax? Gone. The National Labor Relations Act? On the ash heap of history. The Security and Exchange Commission? Buh bye.” Economists estimate that making Fanny Mae alone disappear will allow the government to pay off the national debt decades sooner than previously thought.
Chief Justice John Roberts joined the minority in order to uphold the legitimacy of the court.
Published in Humor
Love that picture of Justice Thomas. I can hear him laughing.
They should have overturned a few of the most recent centuries, too.
You don’t know how much I wish this post wasn’t humor . . .
Nice! I liked the gradual crescendo of impossibility mixed with our conservative longing—‘oh, would that it were true!’ til the dramatic climax: ‘they can suck it.’
And the subtle irony of the brief epilogue.
I briefly had hope, then “suck it” appeared and I knew I had been had.it was funny, though,
I’ve found my audience! Thanks, Mark, and glad you enjoyed it.
Does that mean we will see more?
A chant of “Filburn! Filburn! Filburn!” could be heard from the conference room.
The antennae are always up but there’s not always a signal. ;)
I think “suck it” should appear in more opinions.
How about this: in order for the Commerce Clause to be in any way applicable, someone has to be buying something and someone has to be selling.
There. Fixed that right up.
If you want to pack the Court, then this is the way to go.
Yes. Also, I wish the Supreme Court used variations of: “This is a stupid law that Congress clearly had its collective head up its a** when passing it. The President also was similarly hampered when he signed it. Any properly functioning legislature would immediately repeal it. However, the Constitution being silent on this question, the Law is therefore constitutional. Now get out of this Court.”
And, yes. That would be the full opinion.
**Edited to remove extraneous “also”.
I’m going to record that laugh as an emergency cure for depression.
Yeah, if the Court would just reverse the badly flawed Wickard v. Filburn decision, much of this could actually happen!
What, no mention of the Emancipation Retraction? (a Simpsons reference)
I am VERY disappointed.
You left out the part where it also has to cross state lines.
It only has to maybe cross state lines. Filburn wasn’t raising wheat to sell; he wanted to use it himself. The Federal Government was, in effect, regulating interstate non-commerce.
All things considered, I would have preferred that they overturn The Great Society…
In comedy it’s go big or go home.
I seem to remember the court doing something like that on a case having something to do with DC’s subway system.
Well played, Deeble. Well played.
And the perfect touch of the picture of Justice Thomas laughing uproariously!
Amy Cohan Bryant would never agree to that. She likes all the power Corporations and the government has to screw Americans over of their basic Natural Right. Abortion is about the only issue she is a classic Liberal on.
Assuming you mean Justice Amy Coney Barrett?