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Cree, Sioux Nations Acknowledge Building Casinos On Each Other’s Ancient Homelands
In an unprecedented development, two Native American tribes have issued public acknowledgments recognizing the other’s original stewardship of the land upon which their respective gaming establishments are built.
Sioux Nation’s popular Slot Land has transformed Cree’s ancient hunting grounds into a popular gaming destination for locals and tourists alike. Similarly, Cree Nation’s Gaming Palace is built on the Sioux’s holiest burial site.
Sioux Nation’s land acknowledgment expresses sorrow for building North America’s largest Let-It-Ride tournament where Cree civilization thrived for more than a thousand years before the birth of George Washington. For its part, Cree Nation’s land acknowledgment specifically expresses regret for hosting the incredibly profitable World Series of Poker directly above the grave of the Sioux’s most revered chief, Sitting Bull.
A highly-touted online panel purportedly addressing criminal justice featuring Bill Clinton, Jeffrey Toobin, and Anthony Weiner went about as well as could be expected on Thursday as all three men ended up in varying degrees of undress.
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A peer-reviewed study has concluded that the plexiglass barriers surrounding customer-facing retail workers successfully traps the COVID virus on, around and near their heads. The’s study’s summary report states “No doubt about it – the virus really gets up in your grill when there’s no proper airflow.”
In an effort to follow through on her promised transition from defunding to refunding the police, San Francisco Mayor London Breed announced that the city would take a zero-tolerance approach to maskless shoplifting, promising stiffer sentences for those who fail to properly mask up when relieving stores of hundreds of dollars in merchandise the proceeds from which are then fenced and laundered before you’re back from lunch.
In the very early hours yesterday morning, I was walking through a residential area of Casper, WY, in search of a discarded Bernie Sanders yard sign. From out of nowhere I was tackled from behind by two men in fleece vests and pastel polo shirts with extra starch. They knocked me to the ground shouting “An independent voice for Utah!” The phrase carried no meaning for me at the time but I’ve subsequently learned that it’s the slogan of Evan McMullin’s campaign for the US Senate.
CDC director Rochelle Wallensky announced today that when it comes to reducing the threat from COVID-19, exercise, a well-rounded diet rich in nutrients and a generally healthy lifestyle are no substitutes for receiving a vaccine booster every seven months.
A juror in the Jussie Smollett trial acknowledged to a Chicago news reporter Monday that deliberations never centered on Smollett’s race, sexual orientation, politics, or celebrity status. Instead, she said, what ultimately convinced the jury to convict was Smollett’s obvious guilt.
