I was strolling through Shorpy awhile ago, as one does, and came across this striking photo:

No, that’s not a campaign billboard for the short-lived Wisconsin Anti-Lactose Party. The meaning here is actually “If you STOP at the emporium immediately beyond this sign, you will find for sale CHEESE and cheesy comestibles.”* That may have been a bit much even for cars moving at Burma-Shave sign speeds.  Still, while brevity is the soul of wit, punctuation helps. A sign displaying “STOP, CHEESE,” or “STOP!  CHEESE!!!” might have been a bit more effective.

For years a business on 2nd street in Albuquerque proudly displayed the warning “NO TRASPESSING.” This stayed up for most of the twenty years that I lived nearby. I’m sure it was 100% effective as I guarantee that not a single traspesser came anywhere near the property.

But, of course, the king of stupid signs is the government. A while ago, I shared a trip I made to Mississippi during the recently ended pandemic. Here was a sign telling me that groups of ten (10) twenty (20) people or more are not allowed on an almost empty beach. If you look closely, you can see how they subtly and professionally modified the sign to reflect the exact titration by the medical experts who had scientifically determined exactly how many people can sit on the sand in the company of each other:

A few days after that, I went to a bar where about fifty (50) people enjoyed live music in an indoor venue without face diapers.

Still, the stupidest sign I saw during the now-ended outbreak was from the Incompetent Fascist Governor™ of New Mexico. As I drove into the state in August of last year, an electronic billboard greeted me with this series of messages:

There was another sign with the same messages on the other side of the road, so you were informed both coming and going that state employees are a bunch of illiterate hicks. When I made a return visit four months later, the same grammar-challenged, unenforceable diktats were still flashing at the border.

In Austin, TX, there was a spate of people getting hit and killed trying to cross Interstate 35, the main arterial through the city. A colleague of mine, on his way home from work, was inconvenienced by one of those incidents and had to buy a new car as a result. A possible reason for this is the homeless encampments that have sprung up under and around I-35, along with easy access to illegal drugs and alcohol.** Well, the City of Austin jumped into action and quickly began addressing homelessness and substance abuse painted signs on the freeway:

I’m sure that someone crazy and/or high enough to think that running across a freeway is a better option than walking an extra quarter-mile will see that and say, “Whoa, what am I doing?” Meanwhile, the city council addressed the drug problem by cutting the police budget and addressed the homeless problem by doing nothing until the voters passed a proposition banning camping in public places.

Cruising the highways and byways of this great nation, I occasionally see one of these signs:

I cannot think of a reason that that sign is of any use unless someone thinks people deliberately drive off the road. “Gosh darn it, Martha, I was planning on hitting that one today, but someone beat me to it.” Still, someone gets paid by your and my tax dollars to make and put up these signs.

The State of Texas has a highway sign that I have seen in no other state:

Now, I’ll admit that I thought warning signs were just for decorative purposes before I was informed differently by this sign. All kidding aside, we know why they have these signs, don’t we? Some lawyer probably got a bus driver out of several counts of vehicular homicide because there wasn’t a law stating you have to stop for the flashing red lights at a railroad crossing. Unfortunately, there’s nothing that says we have to obey this sign. Where are the “OBEY ‘OBEY WARNING SIGNS’ SIGNS STATE LAW” signs?

*  Though probably not Wensleydale.

** I say possible because it may be sheer coincidence that all the decedents were dwelling-challenged and drunk or high.