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Your Government Inaction: Everywhere a Sign
I was strolling through Shorpy awhile ago, as one does, and came across this striking photo:
No, that’s not a campaign billboard for the short-lived Wisconsin Anti-Lactose Party. The meaning here is actually “If you STOP at the emporium immediately beyond this sign, you will find for sale CHEESE and cheesy comestibles.”* That may have been a bit much even for cars moving at Burma-Shave sign speeds. Still, while brevity is the soul of wit, punctuation helps. A sign displaying “STOP, CHEESE,” or “STOP! CHEESE!!!” might have been a bit more effective.
For years a business on 2nd street in Albuquerque proudly displayed the warning “NO TRASPESSING.” This stayed up for most of the twenty years that I lived nearby. I’m sure it was 100% effective as I guarantee that not a single traspesser came anywhere near the property.
But, of course, the king of stupid signs is the government. A while ago, I shared a trip I made to Mississippi during the recently ended pandemic. Here was a sign telling me that groups of ten (10) twenty (20) people or more are not allowed on an almost empty beach. If you look closely, you can see how they subtly and professionally modified the sign to reflect the exact titration by the medical experts who had scientifically determined exactly how many people can sit on the sand in the company of each other:
A few days after that, I went to a bar where about fifty (50) people enjoyed live music in an indoor venue without face diapers.
Still, the stupidest sign I saw during the now-ended outbreak was from the Incompetent Fascist Governor™ of New Mexico. As I drove into the state in August of last year, an electronic billboard greeted me with this series of messages:
There was another sign with the same messages on the other side of the road, so you were informed both coming and going that state employees are a bunch of illiterate hicks. When I made a return visit four months later, the same grammar-challenged, unenforceable diktats were still flashing at the border.
In Austin, TX, there was a spate of people getting hit and killed trying to cross Interstate 35, the main arterial through the city. A colleague of mine, on his way home from work, was inconvenienced by one of those incidents and had to buy a new car as a result. A possible reason for this is the homeless encampments that have sprung up under and around I-35, along with easy access to illegal drugs and alcohol.** Well, the City of Austin jumped into action and quickly began addressing homelessness and substance abuse painted signs on the freeway:
I’m sure that someone crazy and/or high enough to think that running across a freeway is a better option than walking an extra quarter-mile will see that and say, “Whoa, what am I doing?” Meanwhile, the city council addressed the drug problem by cutting the police budget and addressed the homeless problem by doing nothing until the voters passed a proposition banning camping in public places.
Cruising the highways and byways of this great nation, I occasionally see one of these signs:
I cannot think of a reason that that sign is of any use unless someone thinks people deliberately drive off the road. “Gosh darn it, Martha, I was planning on hitting that one today, but someone beat me to it.” Still, someone gets paid by your and my tax dollars to make and put up these signs.
The State of Texas has a highway sign that I have seen in no other state:
Now, I’ll admit that I thought warning signs were just for decorative purposes before I was informed differently by this sign. All kidding aside, we know why they have these signs, don’t we? Some lawyer probably got a bus driver out of several counts of vehicular homicide because there wasn’t a law stating you have to stop for the flashing red lights at a railroad crossing. Unfortunately, there’s nothing that says we have to obey this sign. Where are the “OBEY ‘OBEY WARNING SIGNS’ SIGNS STATE LAW” signs?
* Though probably not Wensleydale.
** I say possible because it may be sheer coincidence that all the decedents were dwelling-challenged and drunk or high.
Published in Humor
I’m still reeling from the first sign. A world without cheese???!!! Still trying to recover from my panic attack.
Thanks for the giggles!
My favorite sign story deals with the seasonal traffic warning signs in Texas, the ones that fold in half (to hide the message when it is not needed) and had “Drive Friendly” or “Don’t Mess With Texas” on the back of the sign.
Whelp, after Hurricane Alicia in 1983 a number of those signs were blown open. Two days after the hurricane passed, electricity was mostly out and temps were in the 90s. Of course no one had time to latch the signs. Sure enough, there were a bunch of Aggies, sitting on the sidewalk at the top of bridges over I-45 waiting there with ice chests.
The sign at the base of the bridge, blown open by the hurricane, read “Watch For Ice On Bridge.”
I always wanted to see a county road littered with burned out vehicles next to a sign that said “Speed Limit Enforced by Aircraft.”
Mexico has lots of highway signs, telling you to drive in the right lane, keep your distance, and watch your speed.
Helpfully, every fifth sign says “Obedecer las señales”: obey the signs.
Thankfully, this sign which we saw in multiple places along Washington State highways (Interstate 5, US 2) has now been taken down.
VACCINATED OR NOT, MASK UP. STAY SAFE, WASHINGTON
Oh, and the legend is on one of those electric billboards over the road, with changing messages. What about when there is a power outage? No one gets to read the signs. Yay!
I too have wondered what I am supposed to do differently in response to the “guardrail damage ” sign.
Hilarious. Nicely done.
I’m always amused at highway signs that say, “Danger: Overhead Power Lines” where the power lines are easily 50 feet or more above the road, and the sign is right there at the power lines. Even if I did have some absurdly tall vehicle, it’s way too late to do anything about it by the time I see the sign.
Or signs near the airport advising me of low-flying aircraft. What the hell am I supposed to do about low flying aircraft? You want me to put my radio antennae down or something?
We visited New Mexico in December and were a week into our two week visit when we found out we were supposed to be in self quarantine for 2 weeks. Neither we nor the several other out of state visitors at our hotel paid any mind. Not that there was much you could do what with most things being shut down.
I’m guessing the “GUARDRAIL DAMAGE AHEAD” sign is put up by Gummint lawyers. You drive off a dangerous part of a road where there was supposed to be a guardrail, Gummint be like “Hey, can’t sue us. We warned ya!
I love the random animal silhouettes on signs. I got used to the cows pictured in my home state of Wyoming. But, on a drive to the Grand Canyon this spring, I saw a sign that featured a very large cat. I’ve never seen a cougar warning before. Near Lake Mead here in Las Vegas those signs have a big horn sheep. I’ve also seen elk and deer on ones in Wyoming and Colorado.
Do they have alligator signs along the Gulf Coast? How about armadillo signs in Texas?
Your breaking my mind!
On I-40 in eastern New Mexico, there are a few nice orange signs saying, “Strong Winds May Exist.”
“May” exist…somewhere in the universe. It’s a concept that could occur and we hope there are scientist at work to determine if and where…
You’re missing the subtext. It’s actually a searing indictment of the complacency that overtakes Western societies as they become too rich, too fat and too lazy.
I have loathed that song for decades. The epitome of hippie sanctimony. “So I jumped on the fence and yelled at the house – HEY! / What gives you the right? / To put up a sign to keep people out and to keep Mother Nature in / If God was here He’d tell it to your face / Man, you’re some kind of sinner!”
You can imagine the property owner cradling a shotgun loaded with rock salt saying “well that might be so, but He ain’t, so I suggest you and the rest of the Manson family just get on your way now.”
The state of Maryland has signs to warn you about the fact that bridge surfaces freeze faster than the rest of the road. They are diamond shaped, with the word “Bridge” at the top, the words “May Be” in the center, and “Icy” at the bottom. My mother, who maintained her delightful sense of humor until the day she died, was in the front seat of my van on a trip from our home in Virginia to her home in NY. We were cruising up Route 15 north of Frederick, when we must have passed one of those signs. Mom reached over and tugged my sleeve to get my attention. She said, “The sign says ‘Bridge Maybe.’ Aren’t they sure?”
True, but think about how nice and polite they were back then! [sarc] Our contemporary radicals are in people’s faces to get them to raise a fist, beating up anyone suspected of not being a leftist, blocking roads, and burning down police stations and poor neighborhoods.
Some of the animal crossing signs, if placed correctly, are very useful.
Not according to Donna.
Some people are on. Some people are off. Some people are more off, Others are morons.
Ok then.
So the purpose of signs is to convey information. Obviously some signs are more useful than others.
Street names and highway signs – useful
Animal crossing (especially if based on actual animal movements – useful
Stop signs – Useful (except if you are from Winnipeg in which case it is a waste of aluminum)
There are a host of useful signs especially along roads for people driving motor vehicles where inattention can be a real problem. You are moving fast and (probably) thinking of things other than the road.
Like everything else in this wide world there is a place for the Karens (sorry), petty bureaucrats, and other nanny stators to mess with our lives.
Ok Hugh. What are you trying to say?
Just wanted to tease Winnipeggers about stop signs. I mean, have you seen them at a 4 way stop? Sheeesh…
You mean “Stop” doesn’t mean “Stop the other guy” in Winnipeg?
You left out “and curse them under your breath”
The signs that always amused me where parking signs in LA. They couldn’t just put up simple signs to show available parking, no, you need a legal degree to know whether you can park and for how long in a given spot.
Seattle doesn’t have stop signs in residential neighborhoods. I wondered about that for a while, as it means that you have to drive slowly up to every intersection and slowly peer around to check for oppposing cars.
Then I learned that in Seattle it’s illegal to park within a certain distance of a stop sign, whereas in most places the limitation is within a distance from an intersection. So Seattle is able to sneak a few extra parking spaces onto each block by simply not placing stop signs.