Everything You Need to Know About the Shocking Hilaria Baldwin Scandal

 

El Sr. y la Sra. Baldwin son de Estados Unidos, no de España.

America has been rocked by a story about Hilaria Baldwin. “Who is Hilaria Baldwin,” you ask? I hadn’t heard of her until a couple of days ago, so I thought some explanatory journalism was in order. I can barely stay awake reading a tweet about Sra. Baldwin let alone read an article, so I’ll summarize what I gathered from scattered mentions on social media.

Hilaria Baldwin is the wife of actor/pugilist Alec Baldwin. I guess his marriage to Kim Basinger didn’t work out so now he’s with this lady. She’s pretty and a yoga teacher, which is the résumé you want to become a rich, old guy’s third or fourth wife.

Hilaria claimed she was Spanish but is actually from Massachusetts, which isn’t in Spain at all. But she lived in España a while, speaks the language, and has dark hair, so close enough, I guess.

A few days ago some guy on Twitter said her real name is Hillary Baldwin, she isn’t Spanish, and this is a very bad thing. We can’t have Massachusetts people running around willy-nilly claiming to be from Spain. How would civil society function if we tolerated this behavior? That’s right: Juan Kerry in a matador outfit dumping clam chowdah for a spicy paella. Madness.

Online people got really, really mad at this lady. Worse than that bomber in Nashville or the global pandemic. She could have said she was a man trapped in a yoga instructor’s body but saying she’s from Spain was a bridge too far.

Anyway, Hilaria made a video I didn’t watch saying it was a misunderstanding. Alec Baldwin made a video I didn’t watch where I assume he said he’d punch people dissing his hot wife. He punches people a lot, which is frowned upon, but at least he never said he was Spanish.

Ever notice that in every photo of Alec Baldwin, he’s pursing his lips? It’s weird. His brothers do it too. They are from Long Island, which is English for Isla Grande. Billy Joel es de Isla Grande, también.

Now I’m just filling up space, but I think that’s about it. Now you understand everything there is to know about the biggest story of 2020.

For the record, I’m #TeamHilaria (#EquipoDeHilaria) because A) she’s pretty and, B) I don’t want Alec Baldwin to punch me.

 

 

Published in Entertainment
Like this post? Want to comment? Join Ricochet’s community of conservatives and be part of the conversation. Get your first month free.

There are 51 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. C. U. Douglas Thatcher
    C. U. Douglas
    @CUDouglas

    Thanks. Now I can go back to not caring a whit about celebrities or their spouses on a clear conscience.

    • #1
  2. Captain French Moderator
    Captain French
    @AlFrench

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: What’s next — Juan Kerry in a matador outfit dumping clam chowdah for a spicy paella?

    That would be an improvement. 

    • #2
  3. colleenb Member
    colleenb
    @colleenb

    Gracias por the laughs Senor Gabriel! I did spend about 5 minutes of my precious time on earth looking at this story which was probably 4 minutes 30 seconds too long but it was schadenfreudlicious or whatever that term would be in Espanol.

    • #3
  4. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    Que sera, sera. 

    • #4
  5. RufusRJones Member
    RufusRJones
    @RufusRJones

    Reportedly, nobody has ever seen her speak a whole sentence in Spanish. I couldn’t find a video of her speaking Spanish. I don’t think they thought this through very well. lol [three letter COC violation]

    • #5
  6. Eugene Kriegsmann Member
    Eugene Kriegsmann
    @EugeneKriegsmann

    Great post. I laughed all the way through. 

    • #6
  7. Henry Racette Contributor
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    I agree that this is a silly — if amusing — story, and that we should get back to covering more important things.

    For example, attempting to plumb and document the extent of electoral fraud in 2020 would be a good use of our time. We know it occurred. It would be good to see an in-depth analysis of just how much of it likely occurred — plausible upper and lower bounds in each state, for example — and an assessment of what actions, if any, will be taken to punish the perpetrators and prevent a re-occurrence.

    Perhaps we can get some good member-written Main Feed content on that topic soon.

    • #7
  8. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Mock and Daisy ripped Mrs. Baldwin a new one on their podcast.

    It was Hilaria-us . . .

    • #8
  9. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Ever notice that in every photo of Alec Baldwin, he’s pursing his lips? It’s weird. His brothers do it too. They are from Long Island, which is English for Isla Grande. Billy Joel es de Isla Grande, también.

    Billy el Niño, también.

    • #9
  10. John Davey Member
    John Davey
    @JohnDavey

    Quien es mas macho, Sr. Baldwin, o, Sra. Baldwin?

    Ninguno – Ricardo Montalbán es más macho.

    • #10
  11. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    I don’t understand why it is that Hilaria isn’t allowed to reinvent herself as she sees fit. Joe Biden briefly became Neil Kinnock, after all. Who are we to find fault with Hilaria’s vivid imagination?

    • #11
  12. Keith Lowery Coolidge
    Keith Lowery
    @keithlowery

    The mental imagery of Juan Kerry in a matador outfit made me throw up in the back of my throat just a little bit. Things that have been seen with the mind’s eye cannot be unseen. Alas.

    • #12
  13. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    I love that you’re making humor great again.  God knows I wish there was more comedy.  Maybe her name is Hilarious?

    • #13
  14. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator
    @Instugator

    RufusRJones (View Comment):
    Reportedly, nobody has ever seen her speak a whole sentence in Spanish. I couldn’t find a video of her speaking Spanish. I don’t think they thought this through very well. lol [three letter COC violation]

    But, she is on video asking someone ‘how you say’ “cucumber” in english. Being married to Alec, you would think she would know.

    • #14
  15. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: How would civil society function if we tolerated this behavior? That’s right: Juan Kerry in a matador outfit dumping clam chowdah for a spicy paella. Madness.

    That would never happen.  Everyone knows Jean Kerry is French.

    • #15
  16. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    @exjon (or is it DOCTOR exjon)… 

    • #16
  17. RufusRJones Member
    RufusRJones
    @RufusRJones

    They were just talking about this with one of the Powerline guys on Howie Carr. She is so busted it’s unbelievable. She totally grew up in a $4 million house in Boston. 

    There is not one video of her speaking Spanish. 

    • #17
  18. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Billy Joel es de Isla Grande, también.

    That’s Guillermo Joel to you, Chico noruego.

     

    • #18
  19. David March Thatcher
    David March
    @ToryWarWriter

    @exjon

    Every reason to be pro her.

     

    Hilaria Baldwin Reveals Her Styling Secret for Glam, Un ...

    • #19
  20. Dennis A. Garcia (formerly Gai… Member
    Dennis A. Garcia (formerly Gai…
    @Gaius

    I’m on team Hilaria ( Ee-LAH-ree-ah) because fake Hispanics need to look out for eachother even if some of us are fakier than others. And she’s pretty.

    • #20
  21. Dennis A. Garcia (formerly Gai… Member
    Dennis A. Garcia (formerly Gai…
    @Gaius

    I saw the Baldwins taking their baby stroller through Washington Square Park once–no, Alec was not screaming at the infant– right before some guy tried to sell me pot. And we weren’t even on the right corner for that.

    I think the real reason rich people choose to live in New York is to punish themselves for things like this.

    • #21
  22. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    Doctor @exjon Updated. #BaldwinBashBetter

    • #22
  23. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    David March (View Comment):

    @exjon

    Every reason to be pro her.

     

    Hilaria Baldwin Reveals Her Styling Secret for Glam, Un ...Muy guappa. 

    • #23
  24. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    David March (View Muy guappa.

    • #24
  25. Dick from Brooklyn Thatcher
    Dick from Brooklyn
    @DickfromBrooklyn

    Percival (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Ever notice that in every photo of Alec Baldwin, he’s pursing his lips? It’s weird. His brothers do it too. They are from Long Island, which is English for Isla Grande. Billy Joel es de Isla Grande, también.

    Billy el Niño, también.

    Trump does it too. (Queens is on Long Island) They all suffer from Buttafuocoisn

    • #25
  26. Jules PA Member
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Online people got really, really mad at this lady. Worse than that bomber in Nashville or the global pandemic. She could have said she was a man trapped in a yoga instructor’s body but saying she’s from Spain was a bridge too far.

    In their defense, the social media brigade probably doesn’t know about Nashville, or a bomber, since the FBI solved that event before anyone could make a meme.

    #HilariousHilariaHaHaHa

    • #26
  27. Jules PA Member
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    I agree that this is a silly — if amusing — story, and that we should get back to covering more important things.

    For example, attempting to plumb and document the extent of electoral fraud in 2020 would be a good use of our time. We know it occurred. It would be good to see an in-depth analysis of just how much of it likely occurred — plausible upper and lower bounds in each state, for example — and an assessment of what actions, if any, will be taken to punish the perpetrators and prevent a re-occurrence.

    Perhaps we can get some good member-written Main Feed content on that topic soon.

    I see what you did there. 👏👏👏

    • #27
  28. Jules PA Member
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    John Davey (View Comment):

    Quien es mas macho, Sr. Baldwin, o, Sra. Baldwin?

    Ninguno – Ricardo Montalbán es más macho.

    Es muy macho. Gracious y de nada.

    • #28
  29. Jules PA Member
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    Percival (View Comment):

    I don’t understand why it is that Hilaria isn’t allowed to reinvent herself as she sees fit. Joe Biden briefly became Neil Kinnock, after all. Who are we to find fault with Hilaria’s vivid imagination?

    Ah, she’s trans-Hilarias?

    Or is she culturally appropriating?

     

    • #29
  30. David March Thatcher
    David March
    @ToryWarWriter

    Jules PA (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    I agree that this is a silly — if amusing — story, and that we should get back to covering more important things.

    For example, attempting to plumb and document the extent of electoral fraud in 2020 would be a good use of our time. We know it occurred. It would be good to see an in-depth analysis of just how much of it likely occurred — plausible upper and lower bounds in each state, for example — and an assessment of what actions, if any, will be taken to punish the perpetrators and prevent a re-occurrence.

    Perhaps we can get some good member-written Main Feed content on that topic soon.

    I see what you did there. 👏👏👏

    Signs are a changing, my recent post on Hawleys objecting to the election, just got promoted to the main feed…

    Google's right-side Adpocalypse: What really happened (DATA)

    • #30