Everything You Need to Know About the Shocking Hilaria Baldwin Scandal

 

El Sr. y la Sra. Baldwin son de Estados Unidos, no de España.

America has been rocked by a story about Hilaria Baldwin. “Who is Hilaria Baldwin,” you ask? I hadn’t heard of her until a couple of days ago, so I thought some explanatory journalism was in order. I can barely stay awake reading a tweet about Sra. Baldwin let alone read an article, so I’ll summarize what I gathered from scattered mentions on social media.

Hilaria Baldwin is the wife of actor/pugilist Alec Baldwin. I guess his marriage to Kim Basinger didn’t work out so now he’s with this lady. She’s pretty and a yoga teacher, which is the résumé you want to become a rich, old guy’s third or fourth wife.

Hilaria claimed she was Spanish but is actually from Massachusetts, which isn’t in Spain at all. But she lived in España a while, speaks the language, and has dark hair, so close enough, I guess.

A few days ago some guy on Twitter said her real name is Hillary Baldwin, she isn’t Spanish, and this is a very bad thing. We can’t have Massachusetts people running around willy-nilly claiming to be from Spain. How would civil society function if we tolerated this behavior? That’s right: Juan Kerry in a matador outfit dumping clam chowdah for a spicy paella. Madness.

Online people got really, really mad at this lady. Worse than that bomber in Nashville or the global pandemic. She could have said she was a man trapped in a yoga instructor’s body but saying she’s from Spain was a bridge too far.

Anyway, Hilaria made a video I didn’t watch saying it was a misunderstanding. Alec Baldwin made a video I didn’t watch where I assume he said he’d punch people dissing his hot wife. He punches people a lot, which is frowned upon, but at least he never said he was Spanish.

Ever notice that in every photo of Alec Baldwin, he’s pursing his lips? It’s weird. His brothers do it too. They are from Long Island, which is English for Isla Grande. Billy Joel es de Isla Grande, también.

Now I’m just filling up space, but I think that’s about it. Now you understand everything there is to know about the biggest story of 2020.

For the record, I’m #TeamHilaria (#EquipoDeHilaria) because A) she’s pretty and, B) I don’t want Alec Baldwin to punch me.

 

 

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  1. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    David March (View Comment):

    Jules PA (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):

    I agree that this is a silly — if amusing — story, and that we should get back to covering more important things.

    For example, attempting to plumb and document the extent of electoral fraud in 2020 would be a good use of our time. We know it occurred. It would be good to see an in-depth analysis of just how much of it likely occurred — plausible upper and lower bounds in each state, for example — and an assessment of what actions, if any, will be taken to punish the perpetrators and prevent a re-occurrence.

    Perhaps we can get some good member-written Main Feed content on that topic soon.

    I see what you did there. 👏👏👏

    Signs are a changing, my recent post on Hawleys objecting to the election, just got promoted to the main feed…

    Google's right-side Adpocalypse: What really happened (DATA)

    I actually noticed that. 👏

    • #31
  2. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Jules PA (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    I don’t understand why it is that Hilaria isn’t allowed to reinvent herself as she sees fit. Joe Biden briefly became Neil Kinnock, after all. Who are we to find fault with Hilaria’s vivid imagination?

    Ah, she’s trans-Hilarias?

    Or is she culturally appropriating?

     

    Hispania Tarraconensis, according to the Romans.

    • #32
  3. Bruce Mamont Thatcher
    Bruce Mamont
    @Bruce Mamont

    I had an Alec Baldwin moment that significantly moderated the impression of him formed by watching his portrayal in Team America: World Police.  We were at a Stones concert sitting in the section in which people like Alec Baldwin sat.  He and others of his ilk left a little early to avoid the crowd and passed right by me.  I gave him a “Holt s£¥t, Alec Baldwin!” shocked look.  He gave me a little, shy, yah-it’s-me smile, and I thought he wasn’t at all like the the guy portrayed in the media.  A thin reed, I know.  Reinforced by learning he asked to do the voice of his character in Team America, and 30 Rock.

    That’s my anecdote.  I have one about Walt Disney, too.

    • #33
  4. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    The question that then beckons is, which Hilary is actually the more phony?  

    Some people are fascinated by this story. I couldn’t care less about phony celebrities.  Most of them live in weirdo land. 

    • #34
  5. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Percival (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Ever notice that in every photo of Alec Baldwin, he’s pursing his lips? It’s weird. His brothers do it too. They are from Long Island, which is English for Isla Grande. Billy Joel es de Isla Grande, también.

    Billy el Niño, también.

    Like his character in It’s Complicated whenever his young wife (played by Lake Bell) is around or mentioned . . .

    • #35
  6. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Well to be fair, Kim Basinger hasn’t aged well.

    • #36
  7. JosePluma Coolidge
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Well to be fair, Kim Basinger hasn’t aged well.

    Who among us has?

    • #37
  8. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Well to be fair, Kim Basinger hasn’t aged well.

    Who among us has?


    JosePluma (View Comment)
    :

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Well to be fair, Kim Basinger hasn’t aged well.

    Who among us has?

    What, you don’t think shallow people have shallow marriages?  And Kim Bassinger doesn’t have a variety of “boy toys” of her own?

    “Now who’s being naive?”

    • #38
  9. The Scarecrow Thatcher
    The Scarecrow
    @TheScarecrow

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Well to be fair, Kim Basinger hasn’t aged well.

    Who among us has?

    Helen Mirren. Sigh.

    • #39
  10. RufusRJones Member
    RufusRJones
    @RufusRJones

    The Scarecrow (View Comment):

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Well to be fair, Kim Basinger hasn’t aged well.

    Who among us has?

    Helen Mirren. Sigh.

    Susanna Hoffs is aging in reverse. lol 

    • #40
  11. Jack Mantle Coolidge
    Jack Mantle
    @JackMantle

    I came to this country from Paris in 1989 and have never lost sight of my heritage even as I have fallen in love with the American people.

    To be clear, I was born an American citizen and lived most of my life in the U.S.  After college I went on vacation to Paris for two weeks in 1989.  And then I returned coming straight here from Charles de Gaulle Airport.

    • #41
  12. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator
    @Instugator

    Dick from Brooklyn (View Comment):

    David March (View Comment):

    @exjon

    Every reason to be pro her.

     

    Hilaria Baldwin Reveals Her Styling Secret for Glam, Un ...Muy guappa.

    Ay Caramba!

    • #42
  13. RufusRJones Member
    RufusRJones
    @RufusRJones

    I like this. Very short. 

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jnYpFok_SQ

     

     

    • #43
  14. RufusRJones Member
    RufusRJones
    @RufusRJones

    delete

    • #44
  15. Dennis A. Garcia (formerly Gai… Inactive
    Dennis A. Garcia (formerly Gai…
    @Gaius

    Instugator (View Comment):

    Dick from Brooklyn (View Comment):

    David March (View Comment):

    @exjon

    Every reason to be pro her.

     

    Hilaria Baldwin Reveals Her Styling Secret for Glam, Un ...Muy guappa.

    Ay Caramba!

    I think the men of Ricochet have confronted all the nuances of this issue and come to a definitive conclusion. Discourse accomplished.

    • #45
  16. OccupantCDN Coolidge
    OccupantCDN
    @OccupantCDN

    Isnt it funny…. That someone like Sen Richard Blumenthal can go around for 30 years claiming to be a Vietnam vet, and nobody cares… Until he accidentally says it in front of Pentagon brass… Hillaria has been keeping this act since at least 2012 (?) and nobody cared…But a republican’s bio is fact checked – down to the punctuation… But a little squabble with Amy Schumer and a week later everyone knows she’s a nut job… Funny eh?

    But on the bright side, she sounds like the perfect match for Alec Baldwin. He looks like the reasonable touch of sanity in that home.

    • #46
  17. Instugator Thatcher
    Instugator
    @Instugator

    OccupantCDN (View Comment):

    Isnt it funny…. That someone like Sen Richard Blumenthal can go around for 30 years claiming to be a Vietnam vet, and nobody cares… Until he accidentally says it in front of Pentagon brass… Hillaria has been keeping this act since at least 2012 (?) and nobody cared…But a republican’s bio is fact checked – down to the punctuation… But a little squabble with Amy Schumer and a week later everyone knows she’s a nut job… Funny eh?

    But on the bright side, she sounds like the perfect match for Alec Baldwin. He looks like the reasonable touch of sanity in that home.

    You get what you pay for.

    • #47
  18. James Madison Member
    James Madison
    @JamesMadison

    My favorite story of the year.

    • #48
  19. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    I wonder if Hillaria has ever dabbled in cattle futures.

    • #49
  20. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Percival (View Comment):

    I wonder if Hillaria has ever dabbled in cattle futures.

    Maybe not, but I hear that Bill is keeping an eye on her.

    • #50
  21. James Hageman Coolidge
    James Hageman
    @JamesHageman

    The pursing of the lips is pure Zoolander.

    • #51
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