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Toward a Hipper Ricochet
Folks, Ricochet has an image problem. The political Right has long been seen as a bunch of old fuddy-duddies who wouldn’t know a B3 (blah, blah, blah) from a BIH (burn in hell). If you were young and hip, would you want to join such a square web site? Bro, get real!
So what we’ve got to do is change our image. I am hipper and doper than you, so I can tell you what we need to do.
First, we need to adopt hipper names and pseudonyms. She, your new Ricochet name is Cis. Ms. RightAngles, you’re now Ms. LeftAngles. Nanda Pajama-Tantrum, you need something shorter and snappier, perhaps The Pajama Man. Susan, you’re now Quinn the Eskimo. Kate, you’re Shaneka Brown. RushBabe, you’re The CheBabe. Arahant, from now on you’re merely Jose. Front Seat Cat, you’re Shotgun Cat. My new name is I’ve Got a Tat on My Neck. Midget Faded Rattlesnake and Boss Mongo, you two can keep your names. They’re cool enough as it is.
The rest of you: Come up with your own hip name. I can’t do everything for you.
Next, we need to update our language. Right now it smacks of nerdiness and linear thinking. We can do better than that, posse, perhaps by gratuitously inserting the phrase “I’m hip to your groove” every now and then. Wait, that sounds like it comes right out of the sixties. I’m going to have to Google this.
Ok, I’m back again. Here’s a cool phrase I found: “Bible, my squad is phat and faddy.” Translation for the squares: “Truthfully, my friends are hot and and up-to-date.” So from now on, please insert “Bible, my squad is phat and faddy” every now and then. If it matters to you where in your discourse you place the hip phrase, that only means you’re still thinking in a linear mode. Chill out, squad.
In the Ricochet biographies, you can no longer say that you’re from Kansas or Iowa. That’s Flyover Country, guys. From now on we’re from San Fran, La La Land, or Tribeca.
We also need to change our avatars. Here’s a photo of an anonymous hipster, suitably androgynous. We can all use it until we can 
come up with new and hip avatars of our own.
Listen, it’s not like I’m asking you to get a tat, wear your hair in a bun, or sport a pork pie hat—though if my suggestions in this post don’t work, you may have to do those things.
In the meantime, if we put into effect my suggestions, Ricochet will be attracting crowds of Millennials, Gen Z’s, Centennials, Bicentennials, and Nanocentennials. Our site, Bible, will then be phat and faddy.
If you can think or other ways to attract the young and cool crowd, I’d like to hear them, though I seriously doubt that you’re as hip as I am, so your suggestions will probably be as square as you are. (If you doubt this, look at the clothes you’re now wearing.)
Endnote: As usual, I submitted this post to my wife Marie for her approval. She said, “Kent, it’s not all that clever.” I think she says things like that to crush my spirit.
Published in General
Bible, your outfit must have been phat and faddy. (See OP.)
You need us so much.
You don’t need to do anything. You have by far the coolest name on Ricochet.
Always wondered why, and still have never understood, the reason for the way the girls hiked up their skirt uniforms after class.
I tried to be cool once. I bought some sunglasses, but I kept forgetting to flip them down when I went outside.
I figured. The result makes you look like you have an extra cervical vertebrae or two.
One of the many reasons I’ve never got one was my Dad’s tattoo. He was in the Navy in WWII and got the obligatory tattoo. It wasn’t an anchor, a tiger, or an eagle. He had worked at a pig farm and liked pigs, so he had a pig tattooed on his forearm. I’m sure it was a fine pig in its day, but by the time I really noticed it, it was a pink blob.
Count the heads, baby.
I like them on guys. I think the attraction is knowing my dad wouldn’t have liked him
Get off my lawn!
Lash LaRoche, at your service!
My apologies – it is an obscure reference to an old Friends TV show.
Monica, Phoebe and Rachel have been given a self help book: “women, don’t let the men steal your thunder or your wind.”
We use it sometimes when joking about flatulence.
GO….. AWAY
Penfold, your all-caps comment sounds harsh. What’s up? Have I offended you?
Shotgun here…..is that picture O with a bun? I looked at my clothes and you’re right…..
What are the odds of girl on right getting a job outside of a bar? PS Girl on left could be a model…just sayin
I’m thinking of Rick O’Diddy.
And adding a man bun…….
Anything to draw in the kids.
PS, Girl on left was a model.
RightAngles (View Comment):.
Exactly. This is why I say girls who do this are closing doors on themselves forever. I’m alarmed when I hear my daughter and her friends saying it’s mainstream now, no biggie etc. I do realize the shock value has lessened, but I still say their employment opportunities are extremely narrowed. For one thing, they’re announcing to the world that they have poor judgment.
I know – loved her stories about it too – time for another …with anti-aging tips for all of us square, aged, unhip, wardrobe-challenged…etc.
OH ha I have to ask my daughter what’s cool now. I don’t know what happened. I once said to her, “I used to be cool! I swear!” and she tolerantly said, “I know, Mom. I know.”
It will be mainstream when you can’t get a job without a tattoo.
My daughter, looking at old pictures, once said “You used to be hot, Dad.” I said, “I know, dear, I know.”
I’m 21 years old and will offer my services for the hippification of Ricochet for the low price of 3 avocados per day, plus a toaster. I would also accept a pair of $750 Nike shoes, extremely tight jeans, or tickets to a band you’ve never heard of.
Sold! Joe, please contact one of the big shots on Ricochet and they’ll write you a check.
Kent
I was so handsome at 20yo that my daughter, upon encountering a picture of me with my then 18yo sister, said “Who’s that with aunt Carolyn? Her boyfriend? He’s cute!” Followed by acute embarrassment when I say “That would be me.”
She is gonna need years of therapy now.
PHAT may be an acronym. If not, a lot of people mistakenly think it is.
It fits right in with the concept of a hippier Ricochet, though.
Wait – hipper is one thing, but hippier is something else. We don’t want hippies.