Toward a Hipper Ricochet

 

Folks, Ricochet has an image problem. The political Right has long been seen as a bunch of old fuddy-duddies who wouldn’t know a B3 (blah, blah, blah) from a BIH (burn in hell). If you were young and hip, would you want to join such a square web site? Bro, get real!

So what we’ve got to do is change our image. I am hipper and doper than you, so I can tell you what we need to do.

First, we need to adopt hipper names and pseudonyms. She, your new Ricochet name is Cis. Ms. RightAngles, you’re now Ms. LeftAngles. Nanda Pajama-Tantrum, you need something shorter and snappier, perhaps The Pajama Man. Susan, you’re now Quinn the Eskimo. Kate, you’re Shaneka Brown. RushBabe, you’re The CheBabe. Arahant, from now on you’re merely Jose. Front Seat Cat, you’re Shotgun Cat. My new name is I’ve Got a Tat on My Neck. Midget Faded Rattlesnake and Boss Mongo, you two can keep your names. They’re cool enough as it is.

The rest of you: Come up with your own hip name. I can’t do everything for you.

Next, we need to update our language. Right now it smacks of nerdiness and linear thinking. We can do better than that, posse, perhaps by gratuitously inserting the phrase “I’m hip to your groove” every now and then. Wait, that sounds like it comes right out of the sixties. I’m going to have to Google this.

Ok, I’m back again. Here’s a cool phrase I found: “Bible, my squad is phat and faddy.” Translation for the squares: “Truthfully, my friends are hot and and up-to-date.” So from now on, please insert “Bible, my squad is phat and faddy” every now and then. If it matters to you where in your discourse you place the hip phrase, that only means you’re still thinking in a linear mode. Chill out, squad.

In the Ricochet biographies, you can no longer say that you’re from Kansas or Iowa. That’s Flyover Country, guys. From now on we’re from San Fran, La La Land, or Tribeca.

We also need to change our avatars. Here’s a photo of an anonymous hipster, suitably androgynous. We can all use it until we can come up with new and hip avatars of our own.

Listen, it’s not like I’m asking you to get a tat, wear your hair in a bun, or sport a pork pie hat—though if my suggestions in this post don’t work, you may have to do those things.

In the meantime, if we put into effect my suggestions, Ricochet will be attracting crowds of Millennials, Gen Z’s, Centennials, Bicentennials, and Nanocentennials. Our site, Bible, will then be phat and faddy.

If you can think or other ways to attract the young and cool crowd, I’d like to hear them, though I seriously doubt that you’re as hip as I am, so your suggestions will probably be as square as you are. (If you doubt this, look at the clothes you’re now wearing.)

Endnote: As usual, I submitted this post to my wife Marie for her approval. She said, “Kent, it’s not all that clever.” I think she says things like that to crush my spirit.

Published in General
This post was promoted to the Main Feed by a Ricochet Editor at the recommendation of Ricochet members. Like this post? Want to comment? Join Ricochet’s community of conservatives and be part of the conversation. Join Ricochet for Free.

There are 152 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. WillowSpring Member
    WillowSpring
    @WillowSpring

    I’m hip to your groove.  (Sorry, 60’s hip is as far as I can climb)

    • #1
  2. thelonious Member
    thelonious
    @thelonious

    I agree we gottsa git hip daddy oh.  I’m going to post this on the Bookface, Instergram and all the other socialist media.  Maybe we need to come with our own hippity-hoppity diddy about how cool Ricochet is.  That’s what the kids are into today.

    • #2
  3. Ian Mullican Inactive
    Ian Mullican
    @IanMullican

    I’m inspired by this so I’ll be changing my avatar and name to something tubular pretty soon.

    • #3
  4. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    Ian Mullican (View Comment):

    I’m inspired by this so I’ll be changing my avatar and name to something tubular pretty soon.

    Ian, are you a surfer dude from Cali? 

    • #4
  5. #OMyGod Inactive
    #OMyGod
    @IanMullican

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    Ian Mullican (View Comment):

    I’m inspired by this so I’ll be changing my avatar and name to something tubular pretty soon.

    Ian, are you a surfer dude from Cali?

    Totally! Though my name isn’t Ian any more, brah.

    • #5
  6. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Uh . . . no. First of all, there’s already a Quinn the Eskimo on the site. (He’s not been around lately, but he’s an awesome music guy.) Second . . . I’m too lazy to mess with it. I guess I’m just not hip or cool. Go figure.

    • #6
  7. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):
    I guess I’m just not hip or cool.

    At least you’re not phat.

    • #7
  8. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Do I have to recognize all the celebrities in People and US and all the other magazines I don’t know the names of? Do I have to watch award shows so I can talk about who won? Oh, lord, I’m getting tired already. All my energy goes to remembering where I left my glasses last.

    • #8
  9. #OMyGod Inactive
    #OMyGod
    @IanMullican

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Do I have to recognize all the celebrities in People and US and all the other magazines I don’t know the names of? Do I have to watch award shows so I can talk about who won? Oh, lord, I’m getting tired already. All my energy goes to remembering where I left my glasses last.

    That was about the least hip closing sentence I’ve ever read, haha. Seems like we’ve got some work to do.

    • #9
  10. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    I think I’m already a pretty hep cat.

     

    • #10
  11. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    I joined my brother’s campaign to not be cool (which I take to be a synonym for hip); anti-cool, so to speak, years ago.  I see no need to abandon it now.

    • #11
  12. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    It helps to have your own theme song.  I do.

    • #12
  13. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    KentForrester: If you can think or other ways to attract the young and cool crowd,

    We already have a young and cool crowd:  Kid Coder and I Shot the Serif.

    • #13
  14. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Can’t believe no one’s posted this yet:

    • #14
  15. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Kent, get off my lawn.

    • #15
  16. Doug Watt Member
    Doug Watt
    @DougWatt

    I’m hip, My new theme song says I’m hip.

    If you’re going to San Francisco
    Be sure to take some lice shampoo for your hair
    If you’re going to San Francisco
    You’re gonna meet some stinky people there

    For those who come to San Francisco
    Summertime will be a love-in there
    In the streets of San Francisco
    Gentle people with lice in their hair

    All across the nation such a strange vibration
    People in motion carrying hand sanitizer lotion
    There’s a whole generation with hepatitis vaccinations
    People in motion people with hand sanitizer lotion.

    • #16
  17. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Kent, get off my lawn.

    Bite me, geezer. 

    • #17
  18. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Kent, get off my lawn.

    Bite me, geezer.

    Get a job, young punk.

    • #18
  19. Richard O'Shea Coolidge
    Richard O'Shea
    @RichardOShea

    So you are hipper and dopier? I don’t get it…..

    • #19
  20. Jim McConnell Member
    Jim McConnell
    @JimMcConnell

    Well, have fun with being hipper (hippier?), kids. I’m already into the next new thing. Take you time and you’ll catch up with me.

    • #20
  21. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Jim McConnell (View Comment):
    I’m already into the next new thing.

    So, what is the next new thing?

    • #21
  22. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    Richard O'Shea (View Comment):

    So you are hipper and dopier? I don’t get it…..

     Richard, of course you don’t. 🔲

    • #22
  23. #OMyGod Inactive
    #OMyGod
    @IanMullican

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Jim McConnell (View Comment):
    I’m already into the next new thing.

    So, what is the next new thing?

    It’s already passe, “get on our level”.

    • #23
  24. livingthenonScienceFictionlife Inactive
    livingthenonScienceFictionlife
    @livingthehighlife

    KentForrester: As usual, I submitted this post to my wife Marie for her approval. She said, “Kent, it’s not all that clever.” I think she says things like that to crush my spirit. 

    Dude, don’t let the matriarchy keep you down!  You gots to #Resist, brah!  

    • #24
  25. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Kent, get off my lawn.

    Cool kids don’t have lawns.

    • #25
  26. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    I’m sorry I’m late, but I was getting my hair done and then I went to the tattoo parlor.

    • #26
  27. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Uh . . . no. First of all, there’s already a Quinn the Eskimo on the site. (He’s not been around lately, but he’s an awesome music guy.) Second . . . I’m too lazy to mess with it. I guess I’m just not hip or cool. Go figure.

    Susan, you probably know that Quinn the Eskimo comes from a Bob Dylan song, didn’t you?  Of course you do.  You’re hip. You are hip, aren’t you?  Of course you are.  

    • #27
  28. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    I’m sorry I’m late, but I was getting my hair done and then I went to the tattoo parlor.

    RightAngles, tats become you.

    • #28
  29. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    Arahant (View Comment):

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Kent, get off my lawn.

    Bite me, geezer.

    Get a job, young punk.

    And a haircut.

    • #29
  30. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):

    KentForrester: As usual, I submitted this post to my wife Marie for her approval. She said, “Kent, it’s not all that clever.” I think she says things like that to crush my spirit.

    Dude, don’t let the matriarchy keep you down! You gots to #Resist, brah!

    Mr. Living, I’d like to resist, but my wife is one of those mighty girls. Girl power and all, you know.  

    • #30
Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.