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Who Wants to Help Write a Dentistry Musical?
I had my semi-annual dental cleaning a couple of days ago, and as I spoke with my hygienist and dentist, I thought of something the dental profession needs: Good PR. Not just good PR, but flashy good PR, and what better PR is there than a good musical? I mean look what Kiss Me, Kate! did for touring actors or Lend Me a Tenor did for opera singers or what A Chorus Line did for Broadway performers or what The Greatest Showman did for circus hucksters or La La Land did for Hollywood performers or what The Blues Brothers did for blues bands or…um…what the “Poor Judd is Dead” song did for Harvey Weinstein types in Oklahoma. (All of the sudden, I’m realizing how self-focused that this whole business is.)
Anyway, the point is, that a good musical could be great PR for dentistry. When we currently think of musicals and dentistry, what currently comes to mind? You immediately thought of Little Shop of Horrors, didn’t you? First, the dentist is only a peripheral character in that musical, and even more so in the original movie the musical is based on. Second, this character is not good PR for dentistry, not by a long shot. No, we need something much better, much more positive.
Some of the scenes I am imagining go like this:
- A full-on Busby Berkeley-style song-and-dance number involving dental hygienists singing a song that might have words or a chorus that might include:Brush, Brush, Brush your teeth,
And floss them every day.
Brush, Brush, Brush your teeth,
And wipe the plaque away… - In the dance number, it might involve a chorus line dressed as teeth with the hygienists pulling pristine white silk ropes between them for the “Floss” part.
- Of course, there has to be a dramatic love song, so why not something that starts:I love…my teeth…In…my mouth
And I want to keep them that waaaaaayyyy! - There could be a song or dance number highlighting some of the nifty new technologies, or perhaps a number for each. For instance, the 3-D X-Ray machine, or the 3-D printers for creating polymer or glass fillings or crowns that are made while you wait.
- And the comedic relief character, a vampire looking for a good all-night dental clinic.
The main thing is to make the dentist’s office a less scary place for people. Instead of feeling anxiety, let’s have them go into the dentist’s office smiling and humming catchy tunes. Use your imagination. Who is in, and what have you got?
Published in Group Writing
Dentistry … hmmmm …. think Dustin Hoffman!
Is it safe yet?
What is wrong with you people? Don’t you like dentists?
And a dentist who died … and came back to life … [and Tea Leoni!]
That looks like a bit of fun.
You could set this to music:
EDIT: Ninja’d by Columbo!
No.
Which is probably why Dentists have such a high rate of suicide. Nobody likes them.
😒 Y’all are cruel to a worthy profession.
Nobody gets cuddly with undertakers either. But they’re needed.
@thegoldtooth are you a dentist? I need some back up here against all the haters.
I do. She’s tall, blonde and gorgeous. And fun to talk to when I don’t have a mouth full of cotton.
Okay, that’s funny.
Anyone remember the episode of Justified with the dentist who used to work for the mob?
I was asked by Arahant whether I was a dentist. I am not.
My profile photograph was taken while I was all dressed up to witness the birth of my twins in 2002. After I’d donned my garb and booties suddenly the plan changed from normal live birth to emergency C-section and I was brusquely disinvited from the delivery room.
I love my dentist. I really do. He is great and the whole family loves him.
But I still think this is hysterical:
I suppose it is useless at this point to bring up the idea for the comedic relief character, a vampire looking for a good all-night dental clinic.
Yeah, that would have been better to know right away.
I can’t remember the source, but I remember a running gag where medical emergencies kept happening and people would ask for a doctor.
“I’m a dentist.”
“I meant a real doctor.”
And the dentist turns out to be a werewolf . . .
Wasn’t that in a Bob Hope western?
Not a bad idea.
Ah ‘ovff ‘ah ‘eh-iss!
I’m not a dentist myself, man. Take you fingers out of your mouth and say that again.
I am deeply suspicious of the profession, based on two experiences, but fiercely loyal to specific dentists. I saw one dentist for all my years in Tucson, twice a year. I have had two dentists (one retired) for all my years in the Valley of the Sun. Insurance or not, I’m paying for certainty.
I hold different theological beliefs, but note that the dentists I have found trustworthy in Arizona happened to be Mormon. These men’s practice of dentistry made a good witness to their professed faith.
When I was growing up, the family dentist was a nut by the name of Leslie Long. He was hilarious. I did have another briefly here in the Detroit area before I found my current dentist. My current dentist happens to be within walking distance from my home. My wife had had a dentist for many years who retired and sold his practice to someone else. One visit and my wife was looking for someone new. I had a lot of connections in town and asked around, hearing about my current dentist. We have been very happy with him and the people in his office. We’ve probably been going there close to sixteen years now. He used to have a little, old German lady in the office, Helga. Helga was delightful and used to get such a kick out of my various laughs (normal, mad scientist, witch cackle, etc.). She had to retire, unfortunately. I used to time my appointments for Halloween so I could come and do the various evil laughs for Helga.
I have no fear of the dentist, unlike most folks. Now, my dentist may fear me, but that’s a different matter.
I thankfully spend much more time with the hygienist than with the dentist. The whole cleaning thing has gotten less obnoxious with better technology, I think. My only complaint is when they run out of bubble-gum flavored fluoride treatment. It goes so well with my first cup of coffee afterwards!
Dentists have taught me several important lessons during my short life.
I forgot the murder mystery where the victim has no apparent sign of the murder. I only remember the solution: he had been sleeping with a married woman. He has a tooth problem, so she gets him an appointment with her husband, a big-shot Manhattan dentist.
The dentist agrees to see him – yeah, we met at that party, I’ll fit you in. The dentist takes care of the cavity.
Turns out the dentist was wise to the monkey business, so he placed a lethal dose of poison under the filling. It was slowly absorbed through the gum, and the guy was toast.
Why didn’t it turn up in the autopsy? The dentist used pure nicotine as the poison, which is extremely toxic, apparently. The dude was a smoker, so while it did turn up in the autopsy, it wasn’t noticed.
Moral of the story? Don’t smoke!
Then there was Reuben, Reuben starring Tom Conti:
He’s a poet, gives readings at ladies’ luncheons and stuff. Sleeps with upscale bored housewives. He is aging, depressed. Has a thing about his teeth – he loses one early in the story and now he equates one’s teeth falling out with senescence and death.
He too sleeps with a dentist’s wife. She too gets him an appointment.
The dentist is only too happy to see him, says his problems are simple to fix for a competent dentist. Reuben goes under, and of course the husband pulls all of his teeth.
Upon awakening, Reuben sees his now-empty mouth. It completes his downfall and he hangs himself.
Moral of the story? Local anesthetic, dude!
Steven Wright’s great joke:
I have a crush on my dental hygenist. So on the way to my appointment I eat a whole box of Oreo cookies.
My dentist’s wife is a cute, little blonde, but I think I’ll pass on making any passes.
Ew.