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Immigrants from New Jersey: Welcome!
It looks like us “halfback” states might be seeing immigrants from New Jersey soon. If you folks from New Jersey come to South Carolina, we kindly ask you to observe some rules of civilized behavior:
- Don’t bring your New Jersey politics with you. Many of you flee the places where your policies are enacted, yet you try to reinstate those policies here. Just say no.
- Respect Southern heritage. In spite of all the statue removals and battle flag removals you read about, Southern pride still reigns supreme down heyah. Don’t bad-mouth the South, and learn to love pulled pork and fried chicken. While you’re at it, buy a pickup truck. They’re pretty handy for hauling stuff.
- Don’t complain about the heat and humidity, and we won’t complain about what little snow and ice we get.
- Although there are many colleges here, everyone has to choose between Clemson or South Carolina. Pick one, and at least pretend to be a fan.
- Don’t panic if you see someone with a gun. Most folks down here have one or more, even liberals.
- And finally, don’t tell us how much you liked your old state. If you miss it so much, move back!
Observe these things, and we’ll get along just fine. There are many other rules, but they will be in the Welcome to South Carolina packet issued to you after you arrive. If the @bethanymandel family moves here, my wife and I will provide personalized instruction (including Southern voice lessons) to ease the transition…
Published in General
If you haven’t gotten your new football coach yet, this guy is still available:
The only people in NC that can drive in snow are in and around Boone. The mountains get their fair share.
I hear he’s fond of long bombs.
So true. His strategy is to nuke the opposition . . .
Logical fallicies: Ad hominem.
True. I have seen real snow up there in the hills.
Northerners always make fun of Southerners for not knowing how to drive in snow. But there’s no reason why we would know how to drive in snow. We don’t get any practice and we don’t have snow tires, and it isn’t really an important skill because there are only a few days per year when it would be useful. We don’t know how to drive in chocolate pudding either, because it falls from the sky even less often.
And we know that we can’t drive in snow, which is why we close the schools and stock up on food when winter weather threatens. And yet the Yankees make fun of us for that too!
And in return, I like to make fun of Yankees when they’re suffering through an 85 degree “heat wave.”
Yes. Because we can.
We are right to ridicule you for your weakness.
Our neighbor got ticketed for 33 in a 30 in our community. We pointed out that the Sheriff gets called so many times to come out and police the speeders on the main road in our subdivision (45+ isn’t unusual) that they tend to be pretty strict. Then we pointed out her NY plates and told her those probably didn’t help. She changed her plates the next day.
Boy, glass houses, dude.
I don’t mock Southerners for not knowing how to drive in snow, as long as they stay home. Minnesotans forget how to drive in it the first snow fall every year.
Indeed.
It happens here too.
It really doesn’t.
OMG . . . were any students hurt? Hehe . . .
David Hogg just fainted.
And you’re just the Fred to do it. To educate the unwashed. I salute your courage.
No doubt he’s for “weather control” now.
I love North Carolina in the winter. It smells like….
You guys make too big a deal of driving on snow. You slow down and don’t make any sudden moves. Piece of cake.
Front wheel drive and a hand brake makes it a lot more fun.
Driving in snow is easy. It’s all those other idiots driving in the snow that make it hard.
True that. Back years ago I warned a friend who had just moved to Houston from Buffalo, NY not to drive in Houston if there was snow or ice on the road. “But I can drive in snow and ice,” he said. “Doesn’t matter,” I replied. “You’ll get pegged by someone who doesn’t.”
One weekend an ice storm hit Houston. Sure enough, he comes in Monday with his arm in a sling. I asked him what happened. He told me he had been driving on the I-610 loop, when some driver hit some ice and lost control of her car. She hit two other cars. They each lost control and hit a couple of cars. Those cars hit more cars. My friend’s car was the fifth round hit.
I told him I thought it was strange he got hurt by that type of accident.
“Well,” he admitted. “I didn’t get hurt by the accident. I got sideswiped on the passenger side, and it broke the right passenger window. When the police wanted my proof of insurance, I was standing next to my car. It was in the glove compartment. I could not get the passenger door open, so I reached in through through the window to open the glove compartment, slipped on the ice, and dislocated my shoulder on the door falling down.”
The year of “Snowmagedden” I was almost home from work having dodged cars stopped all over the road, going up hills, you get the picture. Some fool decided to slide through a stop sign and I had to hit the ditch to keep from hitting him. He at least got out and helped push me out. I was not a happy camper, though. I told him to stay home next time. Guess where he was going? Yep. The d—n grocery store.
I don’t mind driving on snow. I won’t leave the house if it’s ice.
Years ago, we had a black ice storm. I decided “What the hell.” and headed in to the office. I got about a mile and a half, and decided I was being crazy, so I turned around and headed home. I couldn’t make it up about a 2% grade. I parked on the side of the road, and walked home. Even then, I stayed on the shoulder.
Love the topic, on the same note I just visited Utah for skiing. Things I noticed versus New Jersey.
Ha! In Texas we have a gun show commercial that has a little boy about 7 or 8 years old at the end, saying “Y’all Come Down!”