Immigrants from New Jersey: Welcome!

 

It looks like us “halfback” states might be seeing immigrants from New Jersey soon. If you folks from New Jersey come to South Carolina, we kindly ask you to observe some rules of civilized behavior:

  1. Don’t bring your New Jersey politics with you. Many of you flee the places where your policies are enacted, yet you try to reinstate those policies here. Just say no.
  2. Respect Southern heritage. In spite of all the statue removals and battle flag removals you read about, Southern pride still reigns supreme down heyah. Don’t bad-mouth the South, and learn to love pulled pork and fried chicken. While you’re at it, buy a pickup truck. They’re pretty handy for hauling stuff.
  3. Don’t complain about the heat and humidity, and we won’t complain about what little snow and ice we get.
  4. Although there are many colleges here, everyone has to choose between Clemson or South Carolina. Pick one, and at least pretend to be a fan.
  5. Don’t panic if you see someone with a gun. Most folks down here have one or more, even liberals.
  6. And finally, don’t tell us how much you liked your old state. If you miss it so much, move back!

Observe these things, and we’ll get along just fine. There are many other rules, but they will be in the Welcome to South Carolina packet issued to you after you arrive. If the @bethanymandel family moves here, my wife and I will provide personalized instruction (including Southern voice lessons) to ease the transition…

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  1. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    I gotta wonder. Why would anyone from New Jersey stop at South Carolina when North Carolina is closer and cheaper?

    We have a high sales tax, but our income tax is low, and our property taxes even lower.  Besides, SC is pretty much solid Republican, while NC is less so.

    • #31
  2. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    I gotta wonder. Why would anyone from New Jersey stop at South Carolina when North Carolina is closer and cheaper?

    Well. If you are adhering to Stad’s rules you have to pick between UNC and Duke. I believe I’d rather keep driving.

    Oh no!  There’s my alma mater (NC State), and there’s Wake Forest, East Carolina, UNC Charlotte, Appalachian State . . . tons to choose from!

    • #32
  3. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    I gotta wonder. Why would anyone from New Jersey stop at South Carolina when North Carolina is closer and cheaper?

    Well. If you are adhering to Stad’s rules you have to pick between UNC and Duke. I believe I’d rather keep driving.

    @stad and I both will remind you there is at least one other choice in the Triangle alone. N.C. State. Thank you.

    No, thank you. You are quite right. NC State gets unfairly overlooked. My bad.

    It’s ok. We’re used to it, especially this time of year.

    • #33
  4. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    Stad (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    I gotta wonder. Why would anyone from New Jersey stop at South Carolina when North Carolina is closer and cheaper?

    We have a high sales tax, but our income tax is low, and our property taxes even lower. Besides, SC is pretty much solid Republican, while NC is less so.

    Keep talking, @stad. I-85 and 95 go right though N.C. to you. Talk it up!

    • #34
  5. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):
    Attention New Jersey’ians! Texas is full. Go to South Carolina.

    But Lyle Lovett said Texas wants us anyway.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nMhaehb5AnE

    Lyle’s trying to sell music.

    • #35
  6. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Blondie (View Comment):

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    I gotta wonder. Why would anyone from New Jersey stop at South Carolina when North Carolina is closer and cheaper?

    Well. If you are adhering to Stad’s rules you have to pick between UNC and Duke. I believe I’d rather keep driving.

    @stad and I both will remind you there is at least one other choice in the Triangle alone. N.C. State. Thank you.

    What about Wake Forest?  Though as a Davidson grad, I look down on all of them equally.

    • #36
  7. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    Wasn’t Cary, North Carolina once called the Containment Area for Retired Yankees?

    • #37
  8. Umbra Fractus Inactive
    Umbra Fractus
    @UmbraFractus

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    the MOB is a hoot.

    I see what you did there.

    • #38
  9. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    Umbra Fractus (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    the MOB is a hoot.

    I see what you did there.

    Thanks.

    • #39
  10. Umbra Fractus Inactive
    Umbra Fractus
    @UmbraFractus

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Texas has sooooo many schools to choose from. You could almost choose based on favorite color.

    Incorrect. There is only one: UT. Hook ’em, Horns!

    Related image

    Image result for saw 'em off

    • #40
  11. Dave of Barsham Member
    Dave of Barsham
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    Fred Cole (View Comment):

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Fred Cole (View Comment):
    You gotta watch out for Zero Hedge. They’re sort of like RT without the brand baggage.

    Agreed. But for things financial where Russia doesn’t have a rooting interest they do a pretty good job.

    ZH, RT, and the Kremlin all like to push the “Things in America are terrible! Everything is a disaster!” line, which that article does just in its title.

    All im saying is, if there’s a story to be had here, surely it’s being told somewhere other than ZH.

    For the love of all that is Holy Fred, are you always on? It’s a funny post, just leave it be.

    • #41
  12. AltarGirl Member
    AltarGirl
    @CM

    Blondie (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):
    Attention New Jersey’ians! Texas is full. Go to South Carolina.

    Too far away, to boot. The Carolinas are closer.

    No! We are all full up in N.C. And I’d like for people to stop writing articles about how nice it is here. It’s not! It’s horrible, just horrible!

    Liar. If I didn’t love my family so much, I’d invade your state.

    For now, I’ll settle for summer camping trips.

    • #42
  13. AltarGirl Member
    AltarGirl
    @CM

    Umbra Fractus (View Comment):

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Texas has sooooo many schools to choose from. You could almost choose based on favorite color.

    Incorrect. There is only one: UT. Hook ’em, Horns!

    Related image

    Image result for saw 'em off

    I’m reporting you to PETA for animal cruelty.

    • #43
  14. Joseph Stanko Coolidge
    Joseph Stanko
    @JosephStanko

    Stad: and learn to love pulled pork and fried chicken.

    What’s to learn?  Both are delicious.  You don’t need to be from the South to know that, you just need functional taste buds.

     

    • #44
  15. AltarGirl Member
    AltarGirl
    @CM

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Stad: and learn to love pulled pork and fried chicken.

    What’s to learn? Both are delicious. You don’t need to be from the South to know that, you just need functional taste buds.

    What do garden staters eat? CA is screwed. They put broccoli on pizza. Only people with no tastebuds eats that.

    • #45
  16. Dave of Barsham Member
    Dave of Barsham
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    AltarGirl (View Comment):

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    Stad: and learn to love pulled pork and fried chicken.

    What’s to learn? Both are delicious. You don’t need to be from the South to know that, you just need functional taste buds.

    What do garden staters eat? CA is screwed. They put broccoli on pizza. Only people with no tastebuds eats that.

    • #46
  17. Joseph Stanko Coolidge
    Joseph Stanko
    @JosephStanko

    AltarGirl (View Comment):
    CA is screwed. They put broccoli on pizza.

    No we don’t!  Well, most of us don’t anyway.  Artichoke, sardines, pineapple, even chicken, but I draw the line at broccoli.

    • #47
  18. Mike LaRoche Inactive
    Mike LaRoche
    @MikeLaRoche

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Texas has sooooo many schools to choose from. You could almost choose based on favorite color.

    Incorrect. There is only one: UT. Hook ’em, Horns!

    Related image

    • #48
  19. Dave of Barsham Member
    Dave of Barsham
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    Mike LaRoche (View Comment):

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):

    RightAngles (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    Texas has sooooo many schools to choose from. You could almost choose based on favorite color.

    Incorrect. There is only one: UT. Hook ’em, Horns!

    Related image

    • #49
  20. Guruforhire Inactive
    Guruforhire
    @Guruforhire

    Build a wall.

    • #50
  21. Chris Campion Coolidge
    Chris Campion
    @ChrisCampion

    Fred Cole (View Comment):
    You gotta watch out for Zero Hedge. They’re sort of like RT without the brand baggage.

    Doesn’t everyone know that?  Looks like the study itself was done by the Missouri Department of Economic Development.

    https://www.missourieconomy.org/indicators/cost_of_living/

    • #51
  22. Chris Campion Coolidge
    Chris Campion
    @ChrisCampion

    Blondie (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):

    livingthenonScienceFictionlife (View Comment):
    Attention New Jersey’ians! Texas is full. Go to South Carolina.

    Too far away, to boot. The Carolinas are closer.

    No! We are all full up in N.C. And I’d like for people to stop writing articles about how nice it is here. It’s not! It’s horrible, just horrible!

    I moved from Vermont to North Carolina in 2015.  I should have moved here in 1995.

    But the SC comments to potential southern immigrants are spot-on:  Basically, don’t be a jerk.  Learn to love the local flavor and seek to understand, first, before making comments or judgments.

    Tips for fleeing Jersians:

    1.  Stop putting on a shocked face when you speak to someone with a strong southern accent.  It’s normal.  You’ll get used to it.  After a while, you won’t even notice it.
    2. Trucks.  Folks love their trucks here like a lot of (real) Vermonters love their trucks.  And not a cute SUV that gets parked in a garage in uptown Charlotte; a working truck, a truck used by the family on weekends to go camping or haul logs off the property or taken up a deep logging trail in the Uwharrie National Forest on the weekends.
    3. People still smoke down here.  Get used to it.
    4. When people are warm and friendly to you here, they’re actually being warm and friendly.  They’re not scamming you.  Get used to it.
    5. Southern food is amazing.  Get some.  Slather it on your chins.
    6. The beaches here are simply stunning, and aren’t covered in hypodermic needles or wandering garbage barges or hippies.  You can, easily, find very sparsely populated beaches to spend a day or a week on.  Cheaply.
    7. My salary doubled when I moved here, doing almost exactly the same kind of work.  Not an exaggeration.

    So why would you stay in Jersey?

    • #52
  23. Umbra Fractus Inactive
    Umbra Fractus
    @UmbraFractus

    Dave of Barsham (View Comment):

    Fake UT.

    • #53
  24. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    Great tips, @chriscampion. ‘Course people from Vermont are not the same as people from Jersey (my friend @reenie will agree). I love tip #1. The only quibble I have is that y’all have the accent, we grew up here. ;)

    • #54
  25. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Umbra Fractus (View Comment):

    Dave of Barsham (View Comment):

    Fake UT.

    Watch it!

    • #55
  26. Dr. Bastiat Member
    Dr. Bastiat
    @drbastiat

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    I gotta wonder. Why would anyone from New Jersey stop at South Carolina when North Carolina is closer and cheaper?

    Well. If you are adhering to Stad’s rules you have to pick between UNC and Duke. I believe I’d rather keep driving.

    @stad and I both will remind you there is at least one other choice in the Triangle alone. N.C. State. Thank you.

    No, thank you. You are quite right. NC State gets unfairly overlooked. My bad.

    Go Duke!

    • #56
  27. Pony Convertible Inactive
    Pony Convertible
    @PonyConvertible

    PHCheese (View Comment):
    And don’t tell us we need license plates on our utility and boat trailers.Yes we know how much revenue the state is missing , that’s the point.

    I’m jealous.  I have 4 trailers.  Two of them travel less than 30 miles per year on the road (boat trailers).  I just move plates from one to the other.

    • #57
  28. Nick H Coolidge
    Nick H
    @NickH

    Stad: Don’t complain about the heat and humidity, and we won’t complain about what little snow and ice we get.

    Based on my experience as a transplant here in the Carolinas, y’all do complain about the “snow”. I put that in quotes because it doesn’t count if it melts the second it hits the ground. One flake in the air and the grocery stores look like the end times are coming with everyone going to buy bread and milk. It’s kind of cute really, except for the few times when we actually DO get snow and ice and we have to watch y’all try to drive in it.

    • #58
  29. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Stad: Don’t complain about the heat and humidity, and we won’t complain about what little snow and ice we get.

    The hell they won’t. Just relax and watch them drive in it, though you should avoid driving in it with them, for they know not what they do.

    Oh, and don’t order the iced tea.

    • #59
  30. Fred Cole Inactive
    Fred Cole
    @FredCole

    Dave of Barsham (View Comment):

    Fred Cole (View Comment):

    Ekosj (View Comment):

    Fred Cole (View Comment):
    You gotta watch out for Zero Hedge. They’re sort of like RT without the brand baggage.

    Agreed. But for things financial where Russia doesn’t have a rooting interest they do a pretty good job.

    ZH, RT, and the Kremlin all like to push the “Things in America are terrible! Everything is a disaster!” line, which that article does just in its title.

    All im saying is, if there’s a story to be had here, surely it’s being told somewhere other than ZH.

    For the love of all that is Holy Fred, are you always on? It’s a funny post, just leave it be.

    It needs to be pointed out. People need to know about Zero Hedge.

    • #60
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