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Healing the Wounds
Today I was moved by Arahant’s most recent post, written in his usual gifted, thoughtful way. The other day I wrote a post about reconciliation, on the Ricochet site and in all our relationships, as the elections loom ahead. As Barkah commented in that post, people may need to vent for a while before reconciling. I agreed. In my hurry to patch up relationships, I forgot one very important factor. Wounds need time to heal, and it can be a very, very slow process.
So how does one heal?
First, a person needs to decide that he or she wants to heal, as opposed to brandishing their wounds for all to see. Some of us like to remind people of our suffering, of our hurt, and we want them somehow to pay for it; we think that someone else has the key to our well-being. Some of us have been injured so deeply that we can’t imagine moving past our wounds.
Second, people who are wounded need to be patient with others who are wounded. Some of the wounds go very deep, having touched into scars that never quite healed, that they seem impossible to mend. We can also become so pre-occupied with our injuries that we become insular to others’ pain and don’t want anyone to notice the damage we’ve suffered. But we know it’s there.
Next, our wounds may have festered for so long that we decided to move on to a place where we think we can’t be hurt, that feels much safer. But life is filled with uncertainty, with “dangerous” places, and we can unexpectedly become caught in a storm of anger and violence. Before we know it, we have suffered another new wound and in some ways it may hurt worse than the others, because we thought we were protected. As much as I love life, I hate to admit that there is no safe place.
Finally, wounds need tender, loving care. We need to recognize them, own them, and work to heal them for our own well-being. We may consider making amends with others, even though we may be rejected, to begin our healing and allow for theirs. We may need to go through a “letting go” process, which is difficult but very powerful.
We may realize that there simply are malevolent people everywhere, who carry that burden with them all their lives. That means we must choose our friends carefully, honor them, appreciate them, and comfort them when they need it.
A path to healing is a transformative process. I hope you will join me in pursuing it.
Published in Culture
To heal the Republican Party I suggest that we take a page from South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission. People who had done terrible things were forgiven if they acknowledged the harm they had caused. For me, I am ready to forgive all but the worst of the Trumpkins, if they will acknowledge their part in this nightmare which came close to destroying the Republican Party and which has gravely damaged our relationship with Hispanics. The Alt-Right, Reince Priebus, Chris Christie and Donald Trump, I do not forgive, and feel must be purged from the Republican Party. But all others are welcome to come home, if they acknowledge the damage they did to the Party of Lincoln.
“Agree with me and all is forgiven, otherwise GTH” isn’t a reconciliation it’s a purge.
It’s not the Party of Lincoln and (maybe) Andrew Johnson, it’s the party of the carpetbaggers and the Radical Republicans who were out for blood in the South.
Nice healing.
I plan on avoiding any of the threads that have anything to do with reading people out of the party.
The only people I refuse to “forgive” are the disgusting members of the alt right. AKA the white nationalist who have used this election to promote their evil ideals. I will not come together with them, I will not ally with them, and I will not stop fighting them.
Reince should be punished for putting down the revolt at the convention, Christie is likely dead because of BridgeGate anyways. Trump should go in the background, and largely forgotten Trump TV or not.
Newt should retire and stop trying to come back time after time. The man is 73 years old, I’m getting tired of him trying to act like Winston Churchill. Newt isn’t coming back into power again, and he’s changed his positions to often to be a long term leader even if he was younger.
Then we come to Steve Bannon, who should never be allowed anywhere near power again.
It’s so big. Thank you for exhorting patience and tenderness. Only today my husband and I were walking through a lovely park along a river with many other people. So much of our conversation was about the dismal state of the election. Ahead on a bench sat a slumped hooded figure. We approached slowly and I bent to look up into the expressionless face of a young girl.
I’ve never done this in my life – but age and my current foreboding concerning the future compelled me to lean over her, lightly stroke her back and ask if she was ok. She forlornly looked into my eyes and said she was alright, but visiting the park – alone. Her word: “alone”
Again. I’ve never had this kind of encounter. I said: “Are you sure, Honey?” She nodded slowly and I as I pulled my hand away I smiled and softly said, “Love you.” I don’t know where that came from. Whose voice it was. But as we walked away from her thin silhouette, the tears streamed down my cheeks.
Life is so hard.
Have some forgiveness Doritos.
Funny how on a healing thread, we have NeverTrumpers spewing hatred and invective. And by funny, I mean totally predictable.
An elegant, thoughtful post. Timely.
I guess I’m not surprised what came out of the woodwork.
And now I’ll get redacted for mentioning it.
Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. You always take me to my safe space, surrounded and completed by the energy of God’s Healing Love for His Creation.
Standing against white nationalist is now considered “hatred”. This is why we are never going to join forces again.
I think humor might help a little. My offerings from the Internet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8AK6FOz99E
Healing? I believe the term you’re looking for is “bayoneting the wounded”.
Our pastor preached on the cultural current we live in, and that no president can change it. The fault many professing Christians have committed is exchanging belief in our Savior for belief in the savior of politics. When we get our heads on straight the Gospel truth overcomes anger, dissension, and despair related to this election. We vote, knowing this is all God’s story, and get on with our true purpose regardless of circumstances. The peace is amazing.
Wait until we know the extent of the wounds before inviting everyone to reconciliation.
The arguments have been made. The consequences are not yet known. Stop scratching the itch.
It reminded me of my pastor admonishing us not to get mad at people who are lost because, wait for it, they’re lost. I’m horrified at what our politics and culture have become, but ultimately I know there is final victory in Jesus.
I understand that lots of folks are looking for secular messiahs and it makes me sad to know that they aren’t going to find peace that way. Well, maybe not sad. I just hate to see people disappointed on this level and scale. I suppose it’s better to hope they don’t find peace in politics so that they can find salvation through Christ instead of earthly politics.
I saw a bunch of folks on an interstate highway overpass today with big pro-Trump flags and posters trying to get people to honk in support. I couldn’t help but hope their guy wins next week because I know how crushed they would be if he loses. On the other hand, they’ll be even worse off when he fails to bring them what they thought he’d deliver. I suspect a lot of Obama voters are feeling that way these days after his failure to deliver on his messianic promises.
Thank God for Mike LaRoche – when I had a lump in my throat reading Trink’s encounter, I can count on Mike to post a kitty and a turtle in a dinosaur hoodie! Whew – relief!
My pleasure!
I agree with Daphne’s Dad – we need new leadership. The old guard needs to go. I love this post – Susan – thank you. I will read it all week. We will heal when we stop attacking each other – we’re all Americans and we need to face our problems together, not separately. There is common ground – just different approaches to success. Forgive me – but Daphne posted a Dorito’s ad and it reminded me of my favorite commercial – laughing can be an antidote to misery so here you go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW8PmhTcIJk
Funny you use that analogy, I tend to think the Radical Republicans were mostly in the right and it’s unfortunate that Southern apologists have largely succeeded in trashing their reputation in the history books. The chief problem with Reconstruction was that it ended too soon and didn’t do enough to compensate former slaves and protect their civil rights.
Indeed. The fun part was guessing who was going to be first to spew.
Gary Robbins, come on down!
Any party that would listen to this deserves the full wrath of their targets of hatred. Those who desire a purge may not like the outcome.
I appreciate your speaking out, Gary, but I suspect all your conditions will not lead for healing for yourself, or for others. I mentioned the prospect of “letting go” as a way to heal, but I don’t think you’re there yet.
Oh, wow.
If the first thing a lot of folks think we need to do is appoint a committee, and then that we need to give it a name like the “Truth and Justice Reconciliation Commission,” and then that we need to haul fellow citizens in front of it to “acknowledge the harm they have caused” by voting for someone other than the person we would have chosen, so that then they can be “forgiven” for their transgressions, then we are, indeed, doomed.
We are dealing with people here. And if you’re like me, some of the people with opposing political views (perhaps quite strenuous ones) are your friends and your family.
I suggest we try a bottom up approach.
And start by talking to each other. Perhaps beginning with something that has nothing to do with politics. In the dim recesses of my memory (i.e. concerning events prior to the Fall of 2015), I think I remember a time when people could have close and meaningful relationships that were based on other things, and that those relationships were the glue that kept us together during hard times. (“Yes. He’s my fishing buddy. Politically, he’s an idiot, but he’s my fishing buddy, and I love him. We don’t talk politics.)
Susan is exactly right, we need a breather. We need a timeout, if for no other reason that people need some time to think things through. What we don’t need to do (borrowing a horrific analogy from the example country above), is to start, immediately and figuratively, necklacing each other.
Because the other side (the real other side, I’m talking about here) would like nothing better than to launch their own version of the Truth and Justice Reconciliation Commission (and they’re very good at that sort of thing, as you’ll know if you’ve been on any college campus in America in the last decade or so) and drive us all into the ground. And then it won’t matter who any of us voted for in 2016.
The Alt Right is not a group I plan to reconcile with, either, Tyler. A good part of that group from an OP I wrote was anti-Semitic, too. There are plenty of people who annoyed me, frustrated me, and that I did not respect. In fact, I don’t think that healing requires us to respect anyone; it requires our ability to stop dwelling on the detestable, let it go, and move on to being creative and forward thinking.
Bless you for your compassion and generosity, Trink. You represent rising to our higher selves when we are called to do that. Thank you.
I suspect if we wait long enough, Mike, we’ll get it from Trump supporters, too.
That space is always available if we don’t get stuck.
I think the point is that we’re trying to focus on healing. Mike’s comment was less blatant, but he poked back at you, Tyler. Never is also a strong word.
I so agree, Sweezle! I can think of many moments when I’m so darn mad at my husband, and then out of the blue, he cracks me up! But it has to be used carefully and thoughtfully–especially a writing medium. But that video was very funny. Thanks for making me smile!