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Star Wars Superfan’s Review of the New Trailer
Anyone who knows me will say that I am the world’s biggest Star Wars fan. Guilty as charged! I saw the first movie in the theater as a kid and made it to all the sequels and prequels on opening weekend. (Missed that last one, come to think of it.) As you know, director J.J. Abrams is relaunching the franchise with an all-new blockbuster, The Force Awakens. Today the studio dropped the new trailer:
This is happening! Even if you’re not a Star Wars “superfan” like myself, you have to be excited about the reboot of this iconic five- or six-film franchise. I could review the trailer in detail, but you can watch it for yourself. However, we superfans are most interested in what the trailer didn’t show:
- No mention of fan favorites Boba Fett, Lando Calrissian, or Paul Mua’dib. Hope they’re at least referenced in the new film.
- We don’t know if “Han shot first,” but now we’re certain that Han Solo is a replicant.
- And where’s “space cowboy” Han Sulu’s brown coat? Pay attention to the details, J.J!
- You have to look quick, but the new light phasers no longer have a “stun” setting.
- Good news: Jar-Jar Binks, Ewoks and Tribbles are nowhere to be found.
- Thrilled to see R2-D2 back. Let’s hope he’s still being voiced by Mel Blanc (“Bidi-bidi-bidi, let’s truck, Luke!”)
- There better be a nod to original director Gene Roddenberry, who retired in the ’70s to found Scientology.
- Anyone else see that crashed battlestar at the beginning? Looks nothing like the Enterprise.
- Yoda’s a chick now? “Not good do I think this is.”
- That desert setting looks like it could be Moonbase Alpha but I didn’t see any sandworms.
- How do they get around the fact that use of The Force violates the Optimus Prime Directive?
- Glad they got rid of the midichlorians and that stupid British police box.
- Was that a reference to Dark Helmet at the 40-second mark?
Correction: There are no Ewoks present except Chewbacca.
Published in Entertainment
See now I didn’t even know Chewie was an Ewok. Very informative piece.
And where are the hobbits?!
That’s because he’s not. Chewbacca’s a Wookiee.Okay, never mind. I get what’s going on now. You forgot to ask where Ripley was or why not one person had a towel while you were at it…
It just won’t be right until they get “Buckaroo Banzai”, Spock and Gwen DeMarco battling it out with the Daleks.
What’s that about hobbies? I like model trains but this post is about the new Star Wars trailer. BTW–why do they call it a trailer when it comes AHEAD of the actual movie?
Do they open with a cool Redbone song too?
Where are the voice cannons?
“Live long, and prosper.” – Yoda
When you posted this on Facebook I came right here to read it, thinking you were serious.
<redacted for CoC>!
I’m still waiting to find out where Charlton Heston and Stephen Boyd ended up in the
chariotspeeder bike race scene.Earlier today, I spent 45 minutes arguing with Fred Cole as to why the Wookie doesn’t age.
Rob, can you carve out a little area of Ricochet for people who don’t get this at all and don’t want to?
Oh, that was a Wookie? I thought that Carrier Fisher had just aged badly.
At least the guy didn’t have to birth the kid.
I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said “Yoda”
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I’ve been around, but I ain’t never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he’s wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I’m not dumb, but I can’t understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I left home just a week before
And I’ve never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, “Go to Yoda and he’ll show you the Force”
Well I’m not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I’m gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won’t forget what Yoda said
He said, “Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide”
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
“I know Darth Vader’s really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you’ll be unemployed”
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I’m gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I’ll be coming back some day
I’ll be playing this part ’till I’m old and gray
The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I’ll be making these movies till the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Abrams is invoking nostalgia to get unearned guaranteed feels from people. And it works. Just ask Jimmy Fallon.
The movie could very well be more than that, we shall see.
She has. And if she puts on the metal bikini in the sequel, it could start an epidemic of churning stomachs that would make Ebola cringe.
I too love Star Wars, but those last three really ruined the franchise for me. I mean it was George Lucas basically phoning it in knowing full well that he was going to collect his money. Everything I have seen/read about JJ Abrams’ rendition has me excited, I just hope that I can “let go of my hate” and enjoy it.
A lot of back stories and epilogues will be filled in.
R2D2 mates with an old Federation probe and the offspring is the first Cylon.
JarJarBinks gets the first hosting job on the new MSNBC-Tatoine and in response, 16 planets opt to ally with the Klingons to invade.
Han Solo’s gradual sex change largely fails.
Chewy founds the social justice activist group Persons of Hair Who Care and has a vid-column on Imperial Vox.
James T. Kirk opens a chain of hotels in former Romulan colonies and becomes the first documented obese human since the Metabolic Dynamizer was invented back on Star Date 1312.5.
Lando Kalrissian and Yoda get rich on New Alderan with the quadrant’s largest pleasure resort staffed entirely by green Orion slave girls and with an artificial moon facility for patrons with a Ewok fetish.
Hillary does a cameo as the Borg Queen. Focus groups all love the scene where Colonial Vipers blow up her cube with jury-rigged photon torpedoes.
Sorry guys but I stumbled across this one and it is AWESOME!
It wasn’t Lando and Yoda – it was Lando and Quark!
What a tease. Not a hint about Miranda and the new Reaver look is simply awful, Whedon damn well better know what he is doing.
As the irritating guy who humorlessly corrects misformation by starting his sentence with “actually” would say, Actually, Ewoks were supposed to be Wookies. Big tall guys. But it was logistically easier to make them teddy bears, and the toy opportunities were bigger. So they reversed the word Wookie, and voila: Ewok.
I suspect they will introduce a new character CPR-30 who provides assistance to Han Solo getting in and out of bed and the shower.
Not going to be able to watch it, Jon. After seeing the dramatic power and romantic intensity between the pair below, all else would be dun.
It would be like watching a remake of The African Queen or Casablanca with Justin Bieber and Britney Spears.
Good god don’t get Randy Webster talking about Buckaroo Banzai…….
BY
You do not get back the time spent arguing with Fred. On this world or the next…
III
Apostates arepunished with death, right? ;)
Will we get to see the power armor this time?