Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
Single Mothers and Conservatism
I would like to pose two questions to my follow Ricochet members: What should be the conservative answer be to unwed single mothers? How should the GOP/Conservatives support existing single mothers (to include widows, separated, divorced, unwed)?
I think we have a tendency to focus on the origins of the issue of single mothers — such as the rise of the welfare state and the sexual revolution — without addressing how we would support those single mothers that need help today. Social Conservatives are pro-life, pro-motherhood, and pro-marriage. However, the Left perpetuates the stereotype that Conservatives are not supportive of single mothers, and it works for them politically. In the 2012 presidential election 75% of single mothers voted for the Democratic ticket.
So what say you, Ricochet? Should we cede that portion of the electorate to the Democrats and to likely dependence on the state? I believe we can do better than that.
Published in Culture, Marriage, Politics
Both the man and woman are equally responsible for the child born out of wedlock. However, we do not seem to be dealing with an epidemic of single dads raising children on their own. Child-rearing most often falls to the woman, and many men are not taking full accountability for their part in the creation of that child.
You were being uncharitable to Kay by not acknowledging that she had told you her cases happened in a different era. Either that, or you were just a sloppy reader.
It takes two to tango and removing half the stigma of an out of wedlock birth seems like an inducement not deterrent to exacerbating this problem in the future. So, yes the man should be held responsible, not solely blamed, but held responsible.
VS,
These are fantastic questions. The Left would say that we Conservatives either don’t care because “they ain’t good Christian women” or to get a job, but those are just caricatures of who we really are. My first approach to this would be to try and figure out why they are single mothers in the first place. There are a whole host of reasons why they are in the situation they find themselves, and our mission isn’t to judge them but to help them. My next step would be to match the reason they gave me with the appropriate type of help, if they need/want it.
Now if you are talking in a general, campaign-type-speech, then I would just encourage these women to do everything they an to seek help outside of the multitude of government programs. Seek help from your community, private charities, and of course a local church. If they are not so inclined or have the means to raise a child on their own, then I would just encourage that they seek a babysitter/day care that they trust that will allow them to continue on in their career. But the underlying theme to my message would be that government is not their only solution to whatever problems/obstacles they may have.
That is 100 percent false!! It’s not that we don’t want to provide a safety net, it’s that we wish to redefine it so that it doesn’t equate to Uncle Sugar and his never ending money printing machine. There are tons of ways in which we Conservatives can get out there and reach enough of the types who would look to government and persuade them to seek non-governmental avenues of assistance. This kind of talk sounds like we don’t believe in our own visions enough to advocate for them, that we really don’t think society can function without the government’s tentacles wrapped firmly around the outside world.
There is an underlying problem here. Most single mothers simply don’t have the skills for a professional career. They are stuck around minimum wage which barely pays for childcare. If they want to work most of their money goes right into someone else’s pocket. This is why universal childcare and subsidized preschool have been such successful rallying planks for the Democratic Party.
Like pay taxes or go to jail? I think your and my view of charity is different. I think/believe we must do acts of charity but charity is not government saying pay or else. It is my opinion that some ppl forget that there is also the need for prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. Charity becomes an enabling device for poor behavior if the proceeding are not practiced too.
Actually, I do hold the woman primarily responsible, not because that division is fair, but because it’s biology. She’s the walking incubator and milk bar. The man isn’t.
That’s one reason I favor girls learning the bare basics about human reproduction early, so that girls are empowered with enough knowledge to not be taken advantage of so easily. Predatory behavior happens, and what’s the point of being so innocent that you can’t even preserve your own innocence?
How do you approach folks who find themselves to be single parents through the act of divorce? Not all single parent households are due to out-of-marriage intercourse, and we must be able to address all types without sounding as though we are throwing the book at them or else we will automatically turn them off. Hell, most single mothers already view Conservatives that way as it is. We need to reach them, not judge them.
Aye, you are right, but it doesn’t render charity any less indispensable.
I have found that I agree with most of your thoughts on this issue, but on this I cannot. This places all responsibility on the woman for raising the child because she is at fault if she gets pregnant, and the man can just move on with his life while the woman faces the consequences of both their actions. The man should know the functions of his own biology well enough.
I am not saying that most have those skills. I am saying that there are, believe it or not, who think they can have a child and live the life of the stars at the same time. I don’t know what you read that prompted you to think that I said most, all, or what have your of single mothers “have the means.”
A benefit of a rural upbringing I suppose.
Or of a nature documentary obsession.
I suppose I could write a book entitled, “All I Ever Needed to Know about Sex I Learned from David Attenborough,” but I suspect some people might take the title the wrong way.
No, no, I’m not disagreeing with you here. I’m just pointing out the “underlying problem” that Democrats have a lot more to offer on this point than the GOP can ever hope to.
I read Kay in MT’s description of her experiences in the 1960’s and have to say it sounded like “Little House on the Prairie” to me. My experience was in the 1980’s in South Florida. I worked for Florida Dept. of Revenue’s Child Support Enforcement division for a few years and have to say it was the most demoralizing job I’ve ever had. I had at least five times the clients Kay did and I never met one that did not know the facts of life or the risks of getting pregnant. While only a [large] minority of the girls deliberately got pregnant, sometimes going off the birth control their boyfriends bought for them, all were so deliberately reckless as to indicate they at least subconsciously wanted the lifestyle change, sense of purpose and guaranteed subsidies that come with single motherhood.
My interviews were usually so similar they blurred together. The young women would come into the office with a sullen, defiant demeanor – think Trayvon strolling through Zimmerman’s neighborhood – arms crossed, afraid and testy. Every one thought it was a nuisance or worse, a racist hassle, that they should have to give the name of the baby’s father for support purposes. Whenever I would ask if the father was providing support I’d get the exact same reply – “milk and Pamper'” – who invented this catchphrase “milk and Pamper’?” I later found out it was well known in the community because one of the welfare propaganda brochures said no benefits would be jeopardized if the mother received incidental support such as milk and Pampers.
I don’t have the answers but I do know the status quo is not sustainable. Look at our education system – we could spend $300,000 a year per pupil but if 50% of the kids are growing up in this kind of environment we will be at the bottom of the world rankings forever. Abolish the current system. Let the states try different approaches, starting with mandatory birth control for any sexually active person receiving public assistance. These girls would not be so cavalier if they thought they were getting money or support from the local church or even their town as opposed to “the Man” or the government. I think it’s a far bigger problem than most people on Ricochet or in the country realize.
You can see all of human mating behaviors in a documentary about seals.
“However” is a disqualifier and erases all that came before it. We may be dealing with an “epidemic” of single moms raising children alone because the court system. society, et al do not give the kids to the dads. Again why are the women raising kids alone – poor decisions.
Remember it is your body your decision so but for the first act how can a male be responsible? Why should he be responsible when he has no skin in the game? He is not part of the decision making process after the first act. He has little to no input on what comes after except to pay.
More than 98% of the primary placement parents (women) deny placement to the other parent (men) to punish the non-placement parent. I have dealt with enough cases that once the woman finds out how much more money she will get if she has primary placement; there is a significant shift in her attitude regarding how much time a dad gets with his children. Hint it isn’t more time.
You are trying to transfer risk/costs on to the male for the females decision. It would appear that you just want men to pay more money for women’s poor decisions. Am I wrong?
Ah, sorry. For a minute there……..
You are correct about the Democrats, but I think that is only because they have been handed the language of what it means to seek and get help. When the GOP does not push back on them for claiming that government can solve all people’s problems, then the Left is able to coopt the language. Now, among many on the Left–for instance my in-laws–charity means government program and vise versa. If the GOP would simply explain to those seeking need that they would get more of it and better types of help through private charities and then demonstrate it through the millions of people on failed programs, the Left would be in a world of hurt.
No, not fault. Responsibility.
For example, it’s not my fault that I have asthma, but because I have asthma, the asthma is now my responsibility. It would be immensely impractical to try to make anyone besides me shoulder the burden of that responsibility, so I must shoulder that burden in order to live a functional life, whether it’s fair or not. A similar thing goes for pregnancy. Women bear the consequences of pregnancy more, so the burden does lie more on them, whether it’s fair or not.
A clearer distinction between fault and responsibility would be really helpful to the conservative message in general. It’s so easy, when advocating for personal responsibility, to slip into language that sounds like a blame-game of assigning fault instead. Not only does that epically fail at winning people over, but it’s also untruthful. Fault and responsibility are different things.
These are the types of cases that really get to me. The defiance you describe born out of some sort of entitled rage because of the situation they put themselves in, and it seemingly all being based in racial tension. These are the folks who need to be pressured the most through designing the public assistance programs to be less than what they can find in the private sector. Once they find that they can’t just latch on to the trough of the US Treasury they will be compelled to find other means.
I am not sure that I am ready to say that MOST single mothers are this way, but for those who are, this needs to be really hard on them. No pity, no sympathy, no hand outs. If they are to have a righteously indignant attitude because they are now poor, single mothers living in poor conditions and, as you say, “never met one that did not know the facts of life or the risks of getting pregnant,” they should be the ones that the system is hardest on.
This would be a tough pill for me to swallow. First and foremost, birth control is not without risk even though complications are probably not common. Also, this would seem to be the state encouraging sexual promiscuity. You can say its already there, I mean how else do you get a kid, but there are emotional and psychological tolls to continuing sexuality that the state would be encouraging. And you have the kicker of enforceability, Who’s going to check for continued usage? and how do you do it without massive invasions of privacy?
No, your not wrong. Family court is easily one of the top 3 most evil things in america today.
HA!
That counts as charitable in your eyes? Sorry, that’s not charitable, only the bare minimum of civility around here.
Not that the CoC prevents you from being civil but uncharitable. As long as you stay within the CoC, have at it, if that’s your style.
Thanks for your response – I worked in the Ft. Myers area in SW Florida and do not want to give the impression that all my caseload were African American. The racial breakdown was approximately 45% white, 40% black and 15% Latino. The girls from the trailer courts exhibited the same traits as the girls from the black part of town, just a little less hostile and defensive dealing with the white govt institutions.
Yes!
I think this focus on the girl being the primary bearer of responsibility is unhelpful. If you really think about it, one young man is capable of impregnating women who will produce his illegitimate offspring at a much faster rate than it would take one young woman to get pregnant and carry her child to term. I would not suggest that young men get vasectomies until they decide to marry. That is not a realistic solution.
People make bad decisions. I feel that Conservatism acknowledges the truth that mankind is imperfect, and that we can never create a perfect society. We can create the best environment for individuals (and their families) to succeed, and that includes providing the opportunity for people to recover from missteps and move forward their lives.
Whether conservatives like it or not, she is the sole decision maker. Female choice is the rule.
Anytime you are proposing the (literally) slavery solution to a problem, perhaps it would be important to closely examine the nature of the problem.