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First-World Predicaments
So, I’m reclining in a chair at the bedside of an old man, asleep, in a nursing home. Life is easy when the senile sleep.
On the other side of my chair is a coffee table with a single item, taunting me: a container of delicious cookies.
The catch is that it’s one of those clear plastic snap containers they sell in the bakeries of supermarkets. If I try to open it, the loud snapping will undoubtedly wake my slumbering charge.
Diabolical!
What are some first-world problems you have encountered lately?
Published in General, Humor
My wife won’t let me drive the new Audi on trips to the grandparents.
I have to drive the one-year old SUV.
The impact offshore manufacturing has had on clothes and shoe sizing. Measurements no longer mean anything, just random numbers. Out of college, my shoe size was a 10. In the past three decades as fewer and fewer shoes were made in the US, my feet have not changed much and I remain the same height, but shoe size has morphed to 11 to to 12, and occasionally 13, depending on type of shoe. And as much as I have remained approximately the same build, my shirts have gone from L to XL to XXL.
Whenever I see those on a grocery checkout counter, I think “I know you keep those in the utility room, tucked behind the cat litter box.”
Shuur you have.
Couture houses are creating specious labeling. When very rich clients proclaim “I’m a 4, dammit!!” – they create cloting to fit and label it “Size 4”
That’s no joke. I was sitting in the doctor’s office (good insurance) this morning, and my 2nd phone (I work from home) rang with a prosecutor calling about a case (add-on work that pays well); not only did I have to quickly pull a number from my personal cell w/only 1% battery over to my work cell (I’m not confined to an office), I also had to walk out of the office, missing my (routine follow up) appointment and potentially losing the $40 copay.
On top of all that, I only got 6 hours of sleep last night, and I haven’t yet finished my 2nd cup of coffee.
My Kindle Fire. Just downloaded (free) the complete works of Dickens in less than sixty seconds. Not fast enough.
The only comfort I take is in knowing they’ll be food for the Morlocks eventually.
Drive-thru at In-and-Out last night. Took more than five minutes from order to food. I nearly starved to death.
Great!! But it does remind me that the speed of light is just too slow these days. Can’t we speed it up a bit? But for the gridlock in Congress, we might have already solved this problem.
So it’s fast as the Dickens but not fast enough. Got it.
Logitech Harmony remote. Problem solved.
This creates a new problem – teaching the non-tech savvy relatives to operate said remote.
My brother, a tech geek, got a top-of-the-line intelligent remote. Then he discovered that one of his devices was not among those the remote was capable of recognizing. So he hasn’t been able to dump the remote bucket.
Of course I do, but that doesn’t solve the problem.
(I mean, yes, its solves the problem, but my devices still won’t be fully charged for hours. That’s. Not. Right.)
We got tired of losing our roku remote, so we just got the app. The annoying thing is That there’s no remote app for the TV.
[insert Ricochet 2.0joke here]
I guess you won’t be allowed back into that theater.
In an old Popeye cartoon, Popeye is a shoe salesman helping his customer, Olive Oyl. He asks her size, and she says, “I’m a size 5 but a 7 feels so good.”
Everything in my life is absolutely perfect, but I know that it won’t last.
I have to drive 1 mile (not walk or even bike) to replenish my vodka stash.
I’m skipping turnips, beets and cabbage. I like my carbs liquid. thanks.
are you ill? those sound awe-sum.
I have a MBPro, no kindle. no tablet. no smartfone. I just realized I am third world.
did you know if you put your phone on airplane mode it charges faster? just tell all your clients when you don’t return their calls that you ran out of battery. :)
Nah. Illin’.
Why does Starbucks only offer soy milk and not soy creamer? Really, people, it’s not the same thing!
You know, Yeti, as much as I love some Weird Al from time to time, the music to that song is awful.
Are they still subsidizing hand spun wool in India? I should call Mumbai and see what’s available. This, of course, assumes that the Indian spinning my yarn is a vegetarian.
Castle dust? Lemme tell ya about castle dust!
It takes forever to get chainmail properly oiled –and the squire does nothing but complain the whole time.
Oh boy, I ate too much. So stuffed. I can’t think of a feeling worse than being too stuffed.
Just a light snack for me this afternoon, thank you.
I was a woman trapped in a man’s body. After extensive hormone treatment and surgery, now I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body. But that’s not my problem.
My problems are: