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Movie Review: A Christmas Story Christmas
From what I can glean, A Christmas Story Christmas is not as hatefully cynical as A Christmas Story 2, the 2012 direct-to-video sequel it disregards. Peter Billingsley reprises his role as Ralphie Parker, now a father himself, returning to his childhood home after his old man passed away. The old man dying is more serious than anything that transpired in the first film. This can be justified as a natural progression of Ralphie’s character out of childhood innocence and into the world of bills, responsibilities, and mortality, but, let’s be honest, they knew no actor could replace the late Darren McGavin.
Just as daunting would be replacing the also late Jean Shepherd whose radio-worn voice was a cornerstone of the original movie. As fortune would have it, age gave Billingsley a deep voice of his own, not a dead ringer for Shepherd’s, but a fine substitute and preferable to an impressionist. Even harder than replicating Shepherd’s literal voice is replicating his literary voice. The screenplay (written by Nick Schenk and director Clay Kaytis based on a story by Schenk and Billingsley) includes some of that wit you could catch late nights in his WOR program, like when Ralphie narrates that his mother used Bactine for everything from “a splinter to decapitation,” or his explanation of that moment of terror when the bar receives a call and none of the patrons know yet if it’s their wife on the line. Praise is going to be sparse from here on.
While it’s not as servile to its heritage as Ghostbusters: Afterlife was to its, both movies obsess over their predecessors. There isn’t a bit of A Christmas Story iconography that isn’t referenced, rehashed, or exhumed, and its corpse paraded around. Like Ghostbusters: Afterlife, this recursive compulsion flies against the tone and events of the movie it pilfers, and against the movie’s own logic. Ralphie reminisces about his father, yet all his beloved memories are the famous scenes from the first movie. With decades worth of memories to pull from, he only returns to those the audience knows?
Mrs. Parker (Julie Hagerty), Ralphie (Peter Billingsley), and Sandy (Erinn Hayes).
Another example of the movie’s misguided writing comes near the end when through a series of mishaps Ralphie finds himself drunk and breaking into a bar to retrieve the star from atop their tree. He’s caught red-handed and the cop is his childhood bully, Scut Farkus! Ralphie’s loaded into the back of the cop car, but instead of being brought into the station, Scut drops him off at home and thanks him for setting him straight in his youth (as seen in holiday classic A Christmas Story). I can believe Scut would’ve reformed, and that he did so because of Ralphie’s beating, and that they would have a run-in. What doesn’t make sense is why he would assume Ralphie was innocent when it’s a clear case of breaking and entering. And if he was going to return him home, why keep that secret until they’re in his driveway? He let Ralphie stew for a while, all for the sake of creating suspense for the audience.
Scut is played by Zack Ward. He and Billingsley aren’t the only ones reprising their roles. Scott Schwartz, RD Robb, Ian Petrella, and Yano Anaya return as Flick, Schwartz, Randy, and Grover Dill, respectively. While it is nice to see the original actors again, their presence amounts to little more than the amusement of seeing how the tykes grew up. The one role recast was Julie Hagerty as Ralphie’s mother since Melinda Dillon retired from acting. Hagerty is not a bad actress, so I’m placing the blame on the directing and script. They turned her into a ditz. Would the Mrs. Parker who helped the old man finish his crossword and corrected his Italian try to use “bajillion” in Scrabble? Did she ever act as if she hated carolers?
Flick (Scott Schwartz), Schwartz (R.D. Robb), Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) and his son Mark (River Drosche).
We get glimpses of what the movie could’ve been. As far as premises for a sequel, Ralphie experiencing the parental side of Christmas is the way to go. After their haul of presents is stolen from their car, he and his wife Sandy (Erinn Hayes) have to break it to their two kids that Christmas will be meager this year. The kids see right through their soft-pedaling. The kids aren’t drawn with the perceptiveness that the kids in the original were. When Julie (Julianna Layne) asks Santa for a new furnace because her father keeps complaining about theirs, it’s a sweet moment you could imagine a real little girl doing. When she grills Santa to verify he’s the real deal, it’s too precocious to come anywhere but from a writer’s pen.
Whereas A Christmas Story was about the universal experience of wanting that one right present, A Christmas Story Christmas is about the universal experience of having watched A Christmas Story. A Christmas Story is a perfect film. In the spirit of the season, let’s call A Christmas Story Christmas an imperfect film.
Published in Entertainment
Vince Vaughn was a producer. Make of that what you will.
What I really want to know is: which beloved characters came out as gay? Transgender?
They starred together in an after school special about steroids . . .
Blessedly none, unless I wasn’t paying attention, and for that reason alone I received this “imperfect movie” in the spirit in which it was intended: a featherweight nostalgic look at the original movie through the eyes of its grown up characters.
It was exactly on the same level as all of the other nostalgic looks at original TV series through the eyes of its grown up actors. They all tend to be derivative and not very good, but as long as they don’t introduce modern sensibilities into other times, I watch them and then forget that they were ever made.
A few weeks ago someone at work mentioned a movie with Peter coming back to reprise Ralphie but I didn’t search for it. Then I saw your previous review and that wasn’t it. Thanks for reviewing this. I’m not a creative writer, so can’t do better, but far too many sequels seem to simply rehash the first movie instead of telling a new story.
Probably, the actors can really use the money, too!
Not infrequently, cute child actors grow up less cute, and the acting roles dry up.
All this time I thought Ralphie grew up to become Glenn Beck.
They basically did an ET to de-Red Ryder the film. But it is still worth seeing.
Ward is the only one of the actors who aged well.
Spoiler alert…
What is also not believable is that good cop Scut’s kids were total thugs. I’ve known plenty of cops’ kids who were thugs, but the fathers were mostly the bad cops.
What is also not believable is that Ralphie did not know that Scut was a reformed thug, despite: 1) presumably having continued to know Scut through high school (or did I miss the part when we heard Scut moved out of town after the fight…?); and 2) apparently staying in touch with mom and dad, Flick, and Schwartz.
That’s something I did not know.
It’s unrelated to the review, but Vince Vaughan’s recent(ish) movies Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Dragged Across Concrete are wonderful.
It could’ve been an interesting twist if Ralphie found out his kid (or kids) was a bully.
Another strange aspect was that there was no funeral for the old man, unless they mentioned but did not show it.
Be careful what you wish against – that was the only thing that made The Force Awakens watchable.
I thought it was a pleasant Christmas movie with just the right amount of fan service. The Christmas carol thing was weird, and there were a few other discordant notes, but overall I enjoyed it for what it was.
“An amiable cash-grab.”
YES! Perfect.
I just watched it again with my brother and we both agreed it was an enjoyable “Two star” movie that did no harm.