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With Deepest Gratitude
I always knew he was a very good man.
Now I know that he is my hero.
It hasn’t been easy for Jerry the last six months. For anyone who has had a spouse care for them through cancer surgery and chemotherapy, those caretakers are the ones who deserve the kudos for ongoing patience, dedication, resourcefulness, and most importantly, humor.
First, there was the cancer surgery. When I needed help with almost anything, he was there. When I had drains to be drained and measured, he did it with the same devotion and rigor as a science experiment. (I guess you could say remotely that it was one.) He might have relished being not only my caretaker, but I have seen him as my knight in shining armor.
When the surgeon told me that I could go back to a normal life, my husband asked half in jest, “Am I being fired?”
That’s Jerry.
But it wasn’t the end of the journey. To our surprise, I would need chemotherapy, too. I don’t think there is any way to prepare a patient for the demands of treatment, the fatigue, the lack of taste buds, how favorite foods become abhorrent and chocolate/chocolate chip ice cream can become a godsend.
Every day, Jerry would have to do a taste bud check: What sounded good for dinner? I knew what I would make for myself for breakfast and lunch, but Jerry was the dinner chef. Scrambled eggs? Homemade soup? Scrambled eggs? Chicken and baked potato? Scrambled eggs?
Our menu has reduced substantially. Jerry insists on eating what I eat (although he does have wine and margaritas without me—they’re on my yucky list). And when I’ve thought something sounded like it would be tasty, and by dinner time it sometimes sounds awful, Jerry hasn’t blinked an eye and offers other suggestions: Pasta with chicken? Chicken Caesar Salad? Scrambled eggs?
Through it all, he has made me laugh and has provided lightness when I am discouraged. He double-checks the chemo drugs with the infusion nurse. He helps me load up little cups every week with powders, vitamins, and pills. He made an Excel sheet to track where we were in the process. He doesn’t hover: if he sees me washing the kitchen floor, he doesn’t ask me if I’m up to it; he assumes I am and thanks me for doing it afterward (which he does anyway). He offers just enough encouragement to me when there are things I should do (like taking a walk every day), and I make sure he sees me snack throughout the day, so doesn’t worry too much about the weight I’m losing. He never looks at me with pity.
He only looks at me with love.
Happy birthday, Jerry; he is 75 years young today. The man deserves a medal.
How lucky can a woman be?
And to all those spouses and caretakers who have taken on the demanding job of caring for loved ones, I salute all of you.
Published in Marriage
Happy Birthday, Jerry! The vows say, “In sickness and in health.” Good for you to honor them and in turn, our maker.
Here’s the Lovepop card I bought for him. Isn’t it perfect?
What a truly nice guy!
Happy Birthday, Jerry!
Happy Birthday Jerry!
You are truly blessed.
Marital relationship as God intended.
Awwww.
I’m experiencing a bit of this right now. It’s not in my nature to allow myself to be waited on. I want to be the one doing the serving. But with my recent shoulder surgery, I can’t do much of anything for myself.
And I can’t imagine how one would get through this alone. My wife has been having to help me dress, shower, . . . I can’t even do that most husbandly of duties: opening the pickle jar. If I were still “single guy” I don’t know how I’d manage.
I’m constantly apologizing for all the extra work I’m causing her. She just says “Your time will come!”
Here’s to those spouses who take care of us in our infirmities!
If he likes to make scrambled eggs, he should try this recipe at least once.
http://flavour-bomb.blogspot.com/2012/03/how-to-make-better-scrambled-eggs.html
Soundslike the Parker House (Boston) scrambled eggs that they were famous for. The Parker House eggs call for cream. And like the Flavour Bomb recipe, the eggs are slow cooked and covered, stirring–more like turning, not stirring–frequently.
Scrambled eggs are my favorite thing to eat when I’m not feeling well.
Nice!
A beautiful tribute Susan – both to Jerry and marriage. G-d bless you both.
Well done, Jerry.
Now that JY and I are in our 60s, one of the saddest things we’ve watched is our single friends struggle through illness or infirmities. More than once has expressed regret at throwing away good (or good enough) marriages in their 40s.
You take care, Susan. No fun being sick but it’s a blessing to not have to go it alone
Like @drewinwisconsin, I’ve continued to say to Jerry, I don’t know how people do it without a loved one. Not just the physical needs but the emotional support, too. I don’t think I could have. Thanks, @annefy.
It’s difficult to overstate the value of a loving husband and a good man.
I knew I’d snagged a good one when I was diagnosed with lupus after we’d been married just one year. That year when I was severely ill almost all the time proved it to me and endeared him to my parents forever. It would have been easy for him to just throw up his hands and option out. In some ways the lupus year was worse than the cancer/chemo/surgery year. Lupus can be unpredictable and you don’t know what severity and illness the future will bring. But I had confidence throughout the cancer year that I would beat that one. As luck would have it we finally beat the lupus into remission and the cancer into nothingness. But I don’t know how I could have survived without someone to be there, uncomplaining and doing everything required. Like driving ten miles to get me the glazed donuts I like.
Susan, we’re lucky to have gotten two of the good ones.
We ate a lot of scrambled eggs too!
Pickle-less.
Happy birthday, Jerry.
A beautiful post, Susan. Blessing to you both.
No doubt his birthday wish is a happy and healthy you.
I was waiting for that.
Indeed! I had no idea about the lupus, too! The future does look bright, though!
Ha Shem, bless Jerry. I mean, through Susan you already have, but even more.
And may the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob bless you as well, Susan.
Sweet, @hartmannvonaue. Thank you.
Gotta show the wedding pic again . . .
Then . . .
Now . . .
Anniversary Dinner, 2018
I have got to get my wife to scan our wedding pics. “Then and Now” would be a great post . . .
And to be completely honest, I actually have no hair (or what would count for hair) at the moment. That’s the next “Now” picture with my hair fully grown back!
I’ll wait!
Happy Birthday, Jerry! Indeed, you are both well blessed.
Ugh! I forgot about the drains and measuring puss.
When Elizabeth Edwards was going through that her husband was knocking up his mistress so, yes, you got yourself a good man.
Happy Birthday Jerry!
Full disclosure: I’ve had the inestimable pleasure/privilege of spending a few days with Susan and Jerry, and I can bear witness that everything she says about him is true. (I’m glad she mentioned the margaritas. Jerry’s are beyond compare. So, Susan, if you’re still turning your nose up at them next time, I’m drinking your share, ‘K?)
As is true in many cases, the luck goes both ways.
God Bless, you two.
Or there’s this.
From The Nero Wolfe Cookbook, copyright 1973, fourth printing April 1974. Original copyright 1934.
Bring water in double boiler to simmer. Mix eggs, cream, salt, and pepper in a large bowl, whisk vigorously. Melt butter in double boiler, then add egg mixture. Cover double boiler, leave for 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, cook clarified butter in a pan on extremely low heat until brown. When done, and off heat, add vinegar.
After 15 minutes, open double boiler and begin stirring continuously until eggs are at desired texture.
Serve, spooning butter-vinegar sauce on top of eggs.