Tag: Humor

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January Group Writing: Renovating Humor

 

The surest sign of age is the loss of the vital powers that once came with ease. The mind may be the first thing to go, as my wife has been telling me for years, but weakening flesh is the cruelest harbinger of failing vitality.

I well remember the first unmistakable sign that things were slipping away too quickly to notice. We had a tree stump in the backyard that had to be removed. So, manly man that I used to be, I buttoned up my sleeves, pulled on a pair of gloves, policed up a long crowbar and a rock to serve as a fulcrum, and set out to show that stump who was who. I got the bar lodged underneath the stump, pushed down with all my might, and…the stump refused to budge. I grunted and groaned, kick and cussed for about twenty minutes, unwilling to accept my ignominy. Fortunately, my nephew dropped by and, seeing that I was in great distress, offered to help. Now Nate is a giant of a man and a kill trained Marine who’d served three tours in Iraq, so I figured he’d just add his muscle to mine. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the stump, let out a groan, and pulled it up roots and all.

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Sean of the South

 

I have just discovered a writer named Sean Dietrich. According to his website, he “is a columnist, novelist, and radio show host, known for his commentary on life in the American South.” I had never heard of him, but he is great – humorous, touching, smart. And he somehow manages to write a column – every […]

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Time Once Again for the Women’s March! Yay

 

Welp, it’s almost time once again for the annual Women’s March. This year’s pleasant festivities take place on January 19, 2019, so better start knitting those pink hats today! I don’t think these marches are helping; I mean, the anger level only seems to be increasing. Just look at that F-Bomb on her headband! I […]

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On n’est Pas Belle Par Hasard: New Year, New You!

 

On n’est Pas Belle Par Hasard. “Nobody is beautiful by happenstance.” The French have a saying or two about beauty, and this is one of the truest. It takes a little effort. With another New Year stretching before us like a shimmering road of possibility, what better time can there be to resolve to be […]

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Dear President Romney,

 

Thanks for doing a great job as President. Please hang tough.

It’s sad that two years into your presidency, the MSM and FBI/DOJ is still investigating your campaign and other activities. I’m trying to keep score, so to speak, here are the big ones:

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A Defense of Smartphones at Christmas

 

It wouldn’t be Christmas without the traditional whinging about people “staring at their screens” at the family gathering.

What a load of false-nostalgia rubbish!

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Quote of the Day: Congress and the Law

 

“When Congress makes a joke it’s a law, and when they make a law, it’s a joke.” – Will Rogers

The one law always in force is the law of unintended consequences. Congress can ignore it, and yet it remains, a reef to create the shipwreck of their hopes. This is the secret inherent in Will Rogers’s quote. No one individual is smart enough to foresee every possibility arising from an action. That is one reason it is always best to get a lot of outside input for a decision – especially one outside your area of expertise.

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Misplaced Veneration: Crimes of Fashion Redux

 

  This month’s topic, Veneration, got me to thinking about the way so many women venerate the fashion experts in New York and Paris, hanging on their every word. Slavishly following their dictates. And who, you may ask, are these arbiters of taste and fashion? More

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El Reloj Extremo and Other Obstacles to Globalism

 

When they talk of open borders, I can’t help thinking about all the funny mistakes people can make in another language, even if they’re pretty good at it. It makes me think that the Globalists have a lot of hurdles to clear before their goal of a United Federation of Earth can be realized. Unless […]

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How to Discuss Politics With Your Family This Thanksgiving

 

Sitting down to dinner on Thanksgiving is a wonderful American tradition. Liven up your tradition by using this as an opportunity to speak to your loved ones about the issues you care about. Our handy guide to dealing with touchy subjects should help you make this the best Thanksgiving ever!

  1. Start early. You can’t say you’ve been discussing politics all day if you don’t start as soon as you wake up. I also find that the perfect time to explain to your mother the importance of the dialectic to intersectionality is when she’s elbow-deep in a turkey carcass at 5:30 in morning.
  2. If someone says something like “can’t we skip all the political talk this year” tell them to shut up. If they say it again, throw your drink at them. You can’t solve all the world’s problems if you take time to be polite.
  3. The people you’re talking to may not be as well informed as you are. You should frequently remind them of this.
  4. Also, the people you’re talking to may not realize what a favor you are doing for them by taking your own valuable time to explain the correct political opinions to them. You should point this out. Often.
  5. Make sure to download and print out Saul Alinsky’s recipe for rosemary and sage dressing. It’s delicious.
  6. Remind folks that passing the potatoes is just socialism writ small.
  7. Make sure to loudly explain how market failures lead to lumps in the gravy.
  8. American as apple pie? Think again. Colonialists introduced the apple to the New World, along with slavery and disease. This basically makes your aunt Hitler.
  9. If you are ever reminded that you are surrounded by folks that raised you, fed you, clothed you, sheltered you, financed you, etc., and that maybe you should simply appreciate their company or–gasp–cut them some slack on a holiday, just remind them that racism, bigotry, and intolerance never take a day off, so neither can you. So pass the stuffing, Uncle Ted, you bigot, and gird your loins for a heavy dose of third-wave feminist theory.
  10. Whatever you do, do not volunteer to help out at a soup kitchen. That’s no way to help people! It’s much better to drink too much wine and point out all your family’s horrible horrible flaws and opinions than to waste time doing something like that.

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The Bargain Hunter‘s Tale

 

As told to me by the Bargain Hunter himself:

You want zeal? I got zeal. I reckon every man does, whether they know it or not. Some men’ve got a zeal for old cars, or women, or booze. I’ve known more than a few who mainly had a zeal for evadin’ blame.

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New Book by a Better Guerra

 

I’m going to take a moment to brag on my wife, Shannon Guerra. She just released her second book, Oh My Soul: Encountering God in Honest Unconventional (and Sometimes Messy) Prayer, and it’s doing much better than my book. Of course, she is a much better writer, and she’s been doing it longer. The title says it all, but let me also add that it’s ridiculously funny, while being deeply insightful. I’m incredibly proud of my girl.

An excerpt to prove I do show up in her writing once in a while:

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Quote of the Day: That NPC Meme

 

“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” – George S. Patton

A new meme has appeared on the Internet mocking the lockstep thinking of leftists and social justice warriors: the NPC meme. It casts these people as non-player characters (NPCs), analogizing them to computer AI characters which appear in role-playing games.

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Goodbye, Plastic Bags. Hello, Despair.

 

Kroger, the grocery store chain, recently announced that it will phase out plastic shopping bags by 2025. And somewhere in the smoky backrooms of all the other grocery store chains, where the captains of that industry make decisions that control the lives of millions, (“A truckload of Tough Actin’ Tenactin just drove off a cliff in Switzerland. It’s gougin’ time!”) they’re feeling the pressure to follow suit, and the fear of being left behind at the PR docks. That pressure will build and build and they’ll all do it. I find this news depressing and can’t help but feel this is a big step backward for our society.

Perhaps some of you are too young to remember what life was like before plastic shopping bags. Well, let me paint the picture for you. I warn you, it’s dreary.

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Quote of the Day: Socialists

 

“Those who proclaim themselves “socialists” are usually depressing, have no sense of humor & attended an expensive college. Fate loves irony.” – Elon Musk

Seems about right to me. As the meme goes:

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On the Nature of Sandwiches: An Open Letter to Jonah Goldberg

 

Jonah, I enjoyed reading your column. As always, you have a style that makes the reader want to finish, no matter how much they disagree. It was well thought-out, though your logic was flawed. The biggest mistake you made was one of a closed mind.

Allow me to explain. You claim that sandwiches must meet extremely specific criteria. They are: two distinct slices of bread; proteins (meat), fats (cheese), or vegetables between the slices; eaten with parallel slices of bread on a plane perpendicular to the vector of acceleration due to gravity. This is a perfectly acceptable definition and has no doubt served you well in your life so far. But…

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You Have to “Get” the Joke

 

I was talking to a missionary about to go to northern China and work with a minority Muslim people group there. I asked him, “So what is your cultural learning plan?” He replied, “I don’t have one. What is a cultural learning plan?”

So, I explained to him that you need to find out what makes people laugh, what makes them cry, what makes their spirits soar in their own culture and where people get their names from. Names are important but a subject for a different post. People of all cultures make the mistake thinking that, broadly speaking, people are motivated broadly by the same thing. That is not true but there is just enough evidence to make it seem true.

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LeBron James Goes to LA and THIS Happens.

 

LeBron James and I have something in common – we are both native Ohioans. We live within 30 minutes of each other. I will always celebrate and thank him for bringing NE OH the 2016 NBA championship, but he’s left us again and is moving to LA. But there is a silver lining to this […]

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