Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
Your Favorite Joke
Here’s mine:
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer are sitting in a bar around drinking their beers.
The mechanical engineer, who has been quiet and deep in thought, says, “You know, God must have been a mechanical engineer. The body is a mechanical marvel with its own brand of levers and pulleys and vises. It’s incredible what mechanical things it can do that we can’t duplicate.”
The electrical engineer shakes his head and says, “No, God was clearly an electrical engineer. Look at the central nervous system, the central cortex, the brain, this fabulous communications system. It is an electrical marvel. God was definitely an electrical engineer.”
The civil engineer laughs and responds, “You are both wrong. God was undoubtedly a civil engineer. I mean, who else would put a waste disposal system through a popular recreation area?”
Published in Humor
After Quasimodo’s death, the Bishop of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new Bell Ringer was needed.
The Bishop decided he would personally conduct the interviews and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the Ringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!”
“No matter,” said the man, “Observe!” He spun around and began striking the bells — with his face! As horrible as it looked, he made a beautiful melody! The Bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged out the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned Bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they parted to let the Bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” the Bishop replied, “but his face rings a bell.”
Hey, knock it off, you guys! I was dys-little when I was lexic.
A group of scientists worked long and hard for many years, but they finally succeeded! They were able to create life from dirt. High on their success, they immediately challenged G-d to a contest to show that they’re just as good at creation. They agreed on a time and place.
When the time came, the scientists were ready with their equipment and a pile of fresh dirt. G-d looked at the scientists, took one look at their dirt and exclaimed, “Hey, get your own dirt!”
What rhymes with orange…..
No. It doesn’t.
Q. Where do generals keep their armies?
A. In their sleevies!
Here’s a joke I like to tell kids I have to represent in CPS cases.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
You hold its nose until it turns blue, and then you use a blue elephant gun.
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it’s a hardware problem.
How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A thousand won’t be enough if the light bulb doesn’t want to change.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, dear Sir, only one.
How many feminists does it…THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!!
A man has earned favor in the eyes of G-d, and as such G-d grants him one wish. The man ponders and says “I have relatives on the other side of the ocean and it would be so convenient to have a bridge that spans the ocean so I may visit them more often.”
G-d responds “That is a very outlandish request. I am G-d and of course I can do anything, but I try to preserve miracles for when they are truly necessary. Please choose something else.”
Once again, the man ponders and finally says “I wish to understand women.”
After a long pause G-d responds “So how many lanes do you want on that bridge?”
Q. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads…”