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Group Writing: Unconventional Holiday Celebrations
Growing up somewhat Jewish, I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider at Christmas time. It was more difficult as a child because although we were barely observant, we didn’t have even the secular trappings of the season. I thought I’d reminisce a bit, and then bring you current to life at this holiday season time of year.
When I was in the school choir in grade school, singing Christmas songs was, well, awkward. Singing about sleigh rides didn’t create a problem for me (even though I grew up in CA) but songs like, “Silent Night,” as beautiful as it was, made me uncomfortable. Then there was the Christmas concert—in those old days they didn’t make the silly substitute for Christmas with the word “holiday”— and I remember telling my mother about the upcoming concert that I wanted to participate in. It was one thing to sing in class, but another to be on public display. But she decided to let me perform with my friends; I don’t remember if she attended. The administration always tacked on a Chanukah song—usually an awful tune—but they were making a genuine effort to be accommodating.
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Move forward just a few years, and I was still so wanting to be like everyone else. So, my parents allowed us to get a live Christmas tree. I remember enjoying stringing lights and decorations, and we even strung strings of popcorn. And for some reason, my parents gave me a doll as a present. Funds were tight, so I didn’t expect much. But a doll? I had never played with dolls, and I recollect thinking it was nice, but I didn’t quite know what to do with it. So I don’t think I played with it. My childhood fantasies appeared from reading fairy tales, not creating tea parties.
My mother realized that a Christmas tree didn’t fit with Chanukah (even if you called it a Chanukah bush). So she asked us kids to make the choice—putting up a tree or 8 days with candles and little, inexpensive gifts. We chose Chanukah. Most nights we received things like little plastic hairbrushes or tootsie rolls, although I received a blouse one year that I adored for its flat mother-of-pearl buttons. I think my mother knew we’d pick Chanukah, but it obviously wasn’t for religious reasons.
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Now I believe my husband and I have the best of all worlds. We celebrate Chanukah with my custom made Chanukiah (menorah for Chanukah) from Israel (see above). I light the candles each night and recite the blessings, and think of the trials the Jewish people have been through, how we’ve survived, and how we try to bring light to the world. My contribution to the neighborhood was a home-made Chanukiah that my husband helped me put together. (To be honest, he did most of the work, because he cringed at the thought of my using a spray can of paint.)
And during the month of November, the neighborhood “boys” staged decorations for our entire street (17 houses on a cul-de-sac). This year they outdid themselves. In part, Mr. Mayor (our next-door neighbor) was going stir crazy from following COVID restrictions, and he had a half dozen fellows help him collect the wooden decorations stored at a friend’s house and assist in putting up the lights. They spent hours and hours doing it, and I think it was a guy bonding kind of thing. This year we canceled our neighborhood Dec. 1 gathering where we usually have a potluck meal and holiday spirits. This year no gathering, and no meal.
But we did gather together, on December 1, lighting night, to walk up and down the street to admire the fine work of our men, then stood together (not socially distancing) for a photo. Although many of the neighbors still live in fear of COVID, we realize how lucky we are to have each other.
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Published in Group Writing
I give your family credit for not letting conflict arise during those times. It’s certainly not helpful to the kids to see conflict associated with a holy time. Good for them, @jon1979.
I suppose nowadays if anyone thinks of the term ‘Dysfunctional Chappaqua Christmas” they’re probably imagining Hillary, drunk on eggnog and throwing lamps at the HDTV screen during the New Year’s Eve showing of “It’s A Wonderful Life”.
My aunt, who was the most observant of her siblings, and her husband rarely made the trips there for Christmas, but they were the furthest away and the oldest (their son was 22 when I was born), and couldn’t get there by train, while mom’s other two sisters who also lived in NYC were always there for Christmas. So I never saw any discord in that area, and if there was some religious objection as to why my aunt and uncle didn’t come down from Albany, the pre-teen me never knew about it.
A faithful and believing Christian should not marry a non-Christian. A faithful and believing Jew should not marry a non-Jew. Conflict is inevitable in such situations, unless the people involved aren’t really believers, which is typically the case of most people who call themselves Christians or Jews, as far as I can tell.
These are painful truths. I hesitate to raise them in this context, but there’s a lot of careless thinking going on here, and a lot of happy but unrealistic platitudes. This is in accordance with the Spirit of the Age, which seems to be a shallow and careless multiculturalism.
Kids who are taught to avoid such conflicts are being taught that they should not take their faith seriously. I can cite chapter and verse, from both the Christian and Jewish Scriptures, on this point. I do not think that doing so would be helpful. Frankly, a person believing himself to be either a Christian or a Jew, and who doesn’t know this, should take the time to study Scripture much more carefully.
@arizonapatriot, I hope you’re not referring to this post. It was unwise for me to marry a non-Jew. But I did, and I love the man dearly. I’ve probably gotten more support for my Jewish practice from him than an indifferent Jew. And he was a fallen-away Catholic.
I think intermarriage in general is not a good idea; I would not recommend it. It does cause conflicts, and it’s nearly impossible to resolve them unless one person isn’t serious. I knew my husband was not serious, and I also know he was supportive of my following my own faith journey. The poor guy has gone through my minimal Jewish practice, my Zen practice, and now my semi-observant practice (which does include study). Now I know I’m home.
Susan, I do not think that there was careless multiculturalism in the OP. There has been quite a bit of it in the comments, in my view.
I do not know what Judaism teaches about your situation. I know that at the end of the Book of Ezra, in accordance with the requirements of the Law of Moses, the Israelite men who had returned from the Babylonian Exile and who had taken foreign wives were required to send away those wives, and their children. As far as I recall, there is not an example of an Israelite woman who had married a non-Israelite being required to end her marriage.
Christianity has a different rule. It teaches that believers should not marry non-believers, but does not state what should be done in the case of disobedience. Where there is a marriage of two non-believers, and one becomes a believer, the believer is not permitted to initiate a divorce, though the believer can permit such a divorce at the option of the non-believing spouse.
Thanks, @vancerichards! Chag Chanukah Sameach!