While We’re at It….

 

The talking heads agree on one thing—the country will be vastly different on the other side of the COVID-19 crisis. While there’s a consensus to embrace the changes, I say—while we’re at it—let’s implement the following:

  1. Death Penalty for any lawyer who advertises on television/radio for any car wreck, mass tort, malpractice, or pharmaceutical lawsuits.
  2. Deficit Spending by any local, state, or federal government will result in the seizure of the enabling legislators’ assets to offset excess spending.
  3. Mandatory Lie Detectors and IQ Tests for every reporter or pundit before publication of any story. Third lying offense or IQ under 85 results in total laryngectomy and surgical removal of all fingers.
  4. Party Affiliation disclosure by any judge at any level or any person talking or writing about any event occurring in the universe, e.g., “story by Chris Wallace (Dem. Fox News);” or “opinion by Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Radical Leftist Dem. SCOTUS).
  5. Lobbyists Banned from contacting anyone about anything.
  6. Mandatory Gun-Toting to make everyone a bit more careful about what they say or do.

I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom. It may take a while, so feel free to add whatever changes you think are necessary to improve our country post-Coronavirus.

By the way, nice talking to you again.

Published in Humor
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  1. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt
    @BrianWatt

    Doesn’t go far enough.

    • #1
  2. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    I could toss in my old favorite here:  No member of a legislature is allowed to intercede with an administrative agency on behalf of a constituent. No communication, period, except through public messages. 

    • #2
  3. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    I’ve been advocating #6 for years.

    • #3
  4. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    • #4
  5. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Lobbying is protected in the 1st Amendment. 

    • #5
  6. Judge Mental, Secret Chimp Member
    Judge Mental, Secret Chimp
    @JudgeMental

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Lobbying is protected in the 1st Amendment.

    We’ve seen how much that matters.

    • #6
  7. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

     Contact tracing for all elected and appointed government officials by means of GPS and always-on body cams. Possibly all the staff who report directly to them should be included as well.

    • #7
  8. Raxxalan Member
    Raxxalan
    @Raxxalan

    Arahant (View Comment):

    I’ve been advocating #6 for years.

    “An armed society is by necessity a polite society”  – Heinlein

    • #8
  9. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Where do I make my campaign donation?  Sounds like you’ve got one helluva platform to run on . . .

    • #9
  10. JimGoneWild Coolidge
    JimGoneWild
    @JimGoneWild

    MichaelHenry: Deficit Spending by any local, state, or federal government will result in the seizure of the enabling legislators’ assets to offset excess spending.

    Can we include seizure of mistresses and paramours? I’ll take charge of them.

    • #10
  11. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    JimGoneWild (View Comment):
    Can we include seizure of mistresses and paramours?

    You might get more than you bargained for.

    • #11
  12. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    It’s been three hours since this was posted as I write this. Everything ok, Michael?

    • #12
  13. MichaelHenry Member
    MichaelHenry
    @MichaelHenry

    JoelB (View Comment):

    It’s been three hours since this was posted as I write this. Everything ok, Michael?

    So far. Thanks for your concern, JoelB.

    • #13
  14. Flicker Member
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Nice thoughts, but it can’t be done.  Secretly, I’m hoping for a dictator to clean house and restore the Constitution (and blue-thumbs voting; and sane civil-servant judges; and repeal of 95% of all state, local and federal laws; and a flat 10% income tax; and return to the gold standard — or at least a balanced budget).  But once that door is opened, there’s no going back.  And the next dictator will be 0bama 2.0.

    • #14
  15. Spin Coolidge
    Spin
    @Spin

    I think there oughtta be a law making it illegal to say “there oughtta be a law…”.  

    There also oughtta be a law that calls for the incarceration of any public official that makes, or attempts to make, a law.

    • #15
  16. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Arahant (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    This is beneath you.

    • #16
  17. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    This is beneath you.

    Well, it was probably beneath him.

    • #17
  18. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Above Top Secret
    @CarolJoy

    The COVID crisis has injected a sleeping tiger into woke mode.

    Those of us who felt we were the only ones dubious of medical “authorities,” medical protocols, the news media, and our local “public servants” are now uniting as one.

    I give a large round of applause to Shelley Luther, the hair salon owner who stood up to a TX judge, accepted his erroneous 7 days in jail, and told him off in the process. The courage she displayed while under pressure of jail time was a tipping point.

    The fact that she won America’s hearts is evident in how she soon had over 300K in a Go Fund me type site. Also her case got enough attention that her conviction, fine and jail time were overturned.

    The inconsistencies are glaring. Those of us who understand that the medical model is not just about charging outrageous prices for treatments and for meds that citizens of other nations get cheaper, but our medical authorities deprive us of needed items like hydroxvhloroquine, even when needed to save our lives, we who understand  are furious and we are not going to take it any more.

    • #18
  19. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Eh, I just want to know why journalists whose “highly placed sources who spoke on the condition of anonymity” don’t turn around and burn those “sources” when it turns out those sources were lying?

    • #19
  20. MichaelHenry Member
    MichaelHenry
    @MichaelHenry

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    This is beneath you.

    Not any longer.

    • #20
  21. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    This is beneath you.

    Not any longer.

    The longer the better.

    • #21
  22. MichaelHenry Member
    MichaelHenry
    @MichaelHenry

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    This is beneath you.

    Not any longer.

    The longer the better.

    That’s too good, BF. Calf rope.

    • #22
  23. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: I’ve got plenty more, but right now I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

    Hope everything comes out all right.

    This is beneath you.

    Not any longer.

    The longer the better.

    That’s too good, BF. Calf rope.

    Had to look that one up.

    • #23
  24. Bob W Member
    Bob W
    @BobW

    Each legislator should be limited to introducing one bill per year. In Calif. the limit is 40, which resulted in 6000 new laws one year. 

    Every bill past should have an exploration date of say 4 to 5 years. Requiring a review and repassing.

    Every legislative office should be a part time job, at least at the state level.

    This should keep them busy with just the important stuff.  Oh, and their staff needs to be limited also.

    • #24
  25. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Percival (View Comment):

    Eh, I just want to know why journalists whose “highly placed sources who spoke on the condition of anonymity” don’t turn around and burn those “sources” when it turns out those sources were lying?

    Unreliable sources should be publically named . . .

    • #25
  26. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Bob W (View Comment):

    Each legislator should be limited to introducing one bill per year. In Calif. the limit is 40, which resulted in 6000 new laws one year.

    Every bill past should have an exploration date of say 4 to 5 years. Requiring a review and repassing.

    Every legislative office should be a part time job, at least at the state level.

    This should keep them busy with just the important stuff. Oh, and their staff needs to be limited also.

    I think @michaelhenry just found his running mate . . .

    • #26
  27. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    The Federal Government shall not make any payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services to any person, county, parish, state, organization, or nation unless said payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services is payment for good or services rendered. Any current transfers will be wound down and eliminated within 5 years of passage of this amendment. 

    This Amendment will expire if not ratified within 5 years of being put to the States.

    • #27
  28. Judge Mental, Secret Chimp Member
    Judge Mental, Secret Chimp
    @JudgeMental

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    The Federal Government shall not make any payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services to any person, county, parish, state, organization, or nation unless said payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services is payment for good or services rendered. Any current transfers will be wound down and eliminated within 5 years of passage of this amendment.

    This Amendment will expire if not ratified within 5 years of being put to the States.

    Good one.

    • #28
  29. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    The Federal Government shall not make any payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services to any person, county, parish, state, organization, or nation unless said payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services is payment for good or services rendered. Any current transfers will be wound down and eliminated within 5 years of passage of this amendment.

    This Amendment will expire if not ratified within 5 years of being put to the States.

    By services rendered, do you mean things like taking dead people to the polls so they can vote for deep state candidates? 

    • #29
  30. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    The Reticulator (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    The Federal Government shall not make any payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services to any person, county, parish, state, organization, or nation unless said payment, transfer, or movement of any goods or services is payment for good or services rendered. Any current transfers will be wound down and eliminated within 5 years of passage of this amendment.

    This Amendment will expire if not ratified within 5 years of being put to the States.

    By services rendered, do you mean things like taking dead people to the polls so they can vote for deep state candidates?

    Only if they government is paying for it. This would not be an issues for this amendment if States did it. 

    • #30