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The Millennial Missal
I laugh because I can. Listening to Nancy Pelosi explaining “the Word,” or talking about her prayer list, while standing in front of her $24K fridge, while displaying her collection of $12 a pint ice cream bemuses me. Lest you think my appreciation for satire is confined to Catholics you would be wrong. There is Joel Osteen; “The Gospel has been very, very good to me.” There is the Agape Espresso Bar in any number of megachurches around the US. One has to wonder how many good Christians will let you out of the parking lot after the service has ended.
From Eye of the Tiber:
Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new “Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga graduate who just celebrated his 15th anniversary of priesthood told reporters that the idea came to him as he sat listening to the deacon read the epistle.
“I looked out and saw all these college kids reading texts messages on their phones,” Conti said. “That’s when I knew the Church needed to catch up or risk being left behind, so to speak. So I figured, heck, if they’re already on their phones, might just be easier to text them the prompts and they can just text back the responses.” Conti went on to say that people can think of the new approach to the Mass as a “Novus Ordo Low Mass,” in that it’s quiet throughout the Mass, but that the text messages are in the vernacular rather than Latin.
20-year-old Gonzaga junior Jane Douglas told Eye of the Tiber that the Text-Message-Only Mass has made her enjoy going to Mass again.
“It’s sorta awesome now. Last Sunday I was texting my boyfriend and I got this text that was all like ‘Th Lord b W u,’ and I was all texting back like, ‘n w ur spirit ; ),’ and then I went back to texting my boyfriend, and we decided we’d just go pick up my roommate Sarah and then go to the BYOB bonfire.
I guess it’s just kinda cool to know you don’t have to leave your social life just cause your at church.” Conti says that if it weren’t for the distribution of the Eucharist, he would be happy to have the Mass go completely virtual. “I like to call it ‘e-fellowship.’”
In closing; ‘The Lord b W u’
Response; ‘n w ur spirit.’
Published in Humor
Were you inspired by this Sunday’s (5/3) homily? Evangelization was the topic. St. Peter was blunt; Jesus was blunt. If this whole thing is true then it means something – it means we must act like it and that we must reorder our lives around that truth. We must proclaim! Apostolic evangelization.
He’s been on fire during the Easter season.
Yes, I agree. Wonderfully inspiring.
I’ll pass on that suggestion to my priest. Not the same, but any good thing can be blessed.
I’ve preferred his YouTube channel as well. My parish only shows Mass via Facebook and with much worse sound quality.
Today’s sermon by Father Grunow rubbed me the wrong way a bit. What he said was fine, but it was worded in a way that allowed misunderstanding. Yes, we should be wary of those who “foment conflict in the Church”. But the conflict is caused by falsehoods, not by standing up for truth against those false ideas and stray practices.
Proposing truth in a community or meeting dominated by wayward thinkers will introduce conflict by disrupting comfortable errors. Conflict can be necessary for truth and justice to be manifested. It is not sinful “factions” mongering to boldly stand for truth.
That is to say, one “division” is not always as guilty as another for rejecting unity in Christ’s body. One can stand wrongly apart or rightly apart. But to be content with division is wrong. We must pray for our enemies and strive to heal divisions.
Had I not known the publication, I might have thought it real. A sign of good parody, which reminds me that this sort of fits into this month’s group writing theme.
What you need is to get the defense contractors in on the missal business. Pretty soon you would have a massive stockpile of high-yield Spirit-guided heresy-seeking missals ready for launch each Sunday.
Just what we need, $3 million place markers and numbers on the section headers. And the abbreviations! FS&HS, 12A, 72D, A&E, C&A, S&G, MMLJ, 2F5L, ad infinitum. and, of course, what missal would be complete without “THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK” in odd places throughout. All for only a few billion more!