Has anyone had hesitation about going outside during this lockdown? Do you feel as if you are starting an uncertain journey each time, with unclear risks and uncertain potential outcomes?

Do you feel crazy or foolish for feeling that way?

Well, we are about to venture out, my husband and I. Some of you know that we’re in the high-risk category (over 70) and my husband has a lung condition. He isn’t afraid, but he also doesn’t want to do “something stupid.” Six weeks ago, I started grocery shopping on my own, which was no big deal. (We enjoyed doing it together on the weekend.) But then about four weeks ago, we decided to have our groceries delivered; we rationalized that, on balance, it worked pretty well with easy, short-term delivery dates. That we occasionally received the wrong product or didn’t get what we wanted could be explained away. Besides, it was the safest way to go.

My husband told me a few days ago that he thought we could begin our own shopping on May 1. I said I’d be glad to shop on my own, but he wanted us to go together; I liked the idea. This morning I mentioned that others might use May 1 as a kick-off date and the stores might be more crowded. Besides, since we were sneaking out, it didn’t matter when we went, and when he took a moment to think about it, he agreed. So we’ll grocery shop together, probably Tuesday morning, armed with our hand sanitizer and masks.

We are both tired of all the confusion about lockdowns, wondering how helpful they are, and being labeled indefinitely the most vulnerable. We are strong, independent people and never like being told what to do, even when it’s good for us. We prefer to say “no” when strangers request many things, unless you have the stamina to tell us why we should go along. So acquiescing to the government is not only annoying but, in some ways, it eats at our hearts and souls.

Are we being foolish to go out, or resolute in our commitment to take care of ourselves and exercise our rights? At this point, I don’t think it matters. It is time to appreciate that the government is trying to help and venture out resolutely on our own spiritual and daily path.

Freedom begins with the first step.