Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Bernie Out, Decides to Spend More Time With His 3 Houses

 

Remember the presidential campaign? Yeah, that’s still happening. As of Wednesday, however, it no longer includes a certain Brooklyn Bolshevik. Sen. Bernie Sanders suspended his presidential campaign Wednesday, announcing it in a call with his campaign staff.

“I wish I could give you better news, but I think you know the truth, and that is that we are now some 300 delegates behind Vice President Biden, and the path toward victory is virtually impossible,” Sanders said. “So while we are winning the ideological battle and while we are winning the support of so many young people and working people throughout the country, I have concluded that this battle for the Democratic nomination will not be successful. And so today I am announcing the suspension of my campaign.”

The move clears Joe Biden’s path to the Democratic nomination. Unless the powers-that-be decide to replace the addled 77-year-old former vice president with a more coherent candidate.

Now Sanders is free to relax in one of his three houses and write another book railing against economic inequality. Provided a publisher gives him an advance of at least $5 million.

Published in Elections, Politics
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  1. JennaStocker Member
    • #1
    • April 8, 2020, at 10:43 AM PDT
    • 1 like
    • This comment has been edited.
  2. Cato Rand Coolidge

    Thank god.

    • #2
    • April 8, 2020, at 10:44 AM PDT
    • 3 likes
  3. Jeff Hawkins Coolidge

    “When Fidel Castro came into office, you know what he did? He had a massive literacy program.”

    This was Atlanta up 28-3 at halftime and thinking they could coast

    • #3
    • April 8, 2020, at 10:45 AM PDT
    • 7 likes
  4. Roderic Coolidge

    Kudos to Sanders for a good campaign.

    Here follows Biden’s attempt to get back to the center.

    • #4
    • April 8, 2020, at 10:45 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  5. Retail Lawyer Member

    He obviously never wanted to be President. I’ve believed this ever since he said he wasn’t interested in Hillary’s emails. Anyone wanting to beat her would be very interested in them. Anyone interested in good governance would be very interested in them. I remain very interested in them. Bernie was always a squirrel, never interested in the presidency.

    • #5
    • April 8, 2020, at 10:49 AM PDT
    • 7 likes
  6. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge

    Ah, once again the full 15% of a population that ignores the wisdom of “Fool me once” and is faithfully demonstrating Abe Lincoln’s quip that you can fool some of the people all of the time, will have their panties in a knot. (Until the next time Bernie decides to run.)

    • #6
    • April 8, 2020, at 10:59 AM PDT
    • 3 likes
  7. Jon1979 Lincoln

    Retail Lawyer (View Comment):

    He obviously never wanted to be President. I’ve believed this ever since he said he wasn’t interested in Hillary’s emails. Anyone wanting to beat her would be very interested in them. Anyone interested in good governance would be very interested in them. I remain very interested in them. Bernie was always a squirrel, never interested in the presidency.

    Bernie wants to rail against evil corporations, billionaires (and formerly, millionaires) and tout his socialist plans. But he’s never shown the stomach to go after the frontrunner in either of the past two elections, and seems to hope either the media or other candidates in the race would do the job for him. Which, in a way, fits Sanders’ overall something-for-nothing mindset.

    • #7
    • April 8, 2020, at 11:04 AM PDT
    • 5 likes
  8. MISTER BITCOIN Member

    I wonder if he had another heart attack

     

    • #8
    • April 8, 2020, at 11:16 AM PDT
    • Like
  9. Ray Gunner Coolidge

    Bernie is the professional politician version of the post-modern gallery artist, the career paths of which are a lot alike. They both hawk vacuous nonsense to their marks, who are usually gullible, poorly educated Westerners. And the most successful of them close the sale with the implicit assurance that what they are selling will instantly enhance the buyer’s social and moral status. 

    What they are selling is nonsense, of course, but it is nonsense that makes the buyer feel good about himself, which means it sells.

    I think this makes “3 House” Bernie a helluva capitalist. 

    • #9
    • April 8, 2020, at 12:09 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  10. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    From Bernie’s press secretary:

    • #10
    • April 8, 2020, at 12:22 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  11. Barry Jones Thatcher

    When I saw the title of the Post, I immediately thought “looks like something Jon would post”…and so it is! :)

     

    • #11
    • April 8, 2020, at 1:32 PM PDT
    • Like
  12. Lockdowns Are Precious Coolidge
    Lockdowns Are Precious Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Ah yes, another Pro Wrestling “mark” – paid loser throws in the towel.

    • #12
    • April 8, 2020, at 1:51 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  13. MISTER BITCOIN Member

    who is worse, bernie or noam chomsky?

     

    • #13
    • April 8, 2020, at 1:54 PM PDT
    • Like
  14. Buckpasser Member
    Buckpasser Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    “Write a best seller and you too can become a millionaire”.

    • #14
    • April 8, 2020, at 1:55 PM PDT
    • Like
  15. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    • #15
    • April 8, 2020, at 2:04 PM PDT
    • 10 likes
  16. Lockdowns Are Precious Coolidge
    Lockdowns Are Precious Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Ray Gunner (View Comment):

    Bernie is the professional politician version of the post-modern gallery artist, the career paths of which are a lot alike. They both hawk vacuous nonsense to their marks, who are usually gullible, poorly educated Westerners. And the most successful of them close the sale with the implicit assurance that what they are selling will instantly enhance the buyer’s social and moral status.

    What they are selling is nonsense, of course, but it is nonsense that makes the buyer feel good about himself, which means it sells.

    I think this makes “3 House” Bernie a helluva capitalist.

    He’s a pro wrestler. The Crusher.

    • #16
    • April 8, 2020, at 2:20 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  17. Unsk Member

    This is actually great news because it will likely give the rest of the delegates to Mr Senility Joe Biden, which should put him over the top on the first ballot making “clearing the way ” for Andrew Cuomo or someone else pretty damn difficult without appearing to be outright crooked. 

    Let’s here it for Senile old men! 

    • #17
    • April 8, 2020, at 2:54 PM PDT
    • Like
  18. Jon1979 Lincoln

    Ultron Will Inject You Now (View Comment):

    Ah yes, another Pro Wrestling “mark” – paid loser throws in the towel.

    Bernie was in his heyday back in the 70s, when he’d hit Captain Lou Albano over the head with a chair and demand everyone get to share Bruno Sanmartino’s WWF championship belt.

    • #18
    • April 8, 2020, at 2:57 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  19. Lockdowns Are Precious Coolidge
    Lockdowns Are Precious Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Jon1979 (View Comment):

    Ultron Will Inject You Now (View Comment):

    Ah yes, another Pro Wrestling “mark” – paid loser throws in the towel.

    Bernie was in his heyday back in the 70s, when he’d hit Captain Lou Albano over the head with a chair and demand everyone get to share Bruno Sanmartino’s WWF championship belt.

    Pop goes the weasel…

    • #19
    • April 8, 2020, at 3:20 PM PDT
    • Like
  20. Lockdowns Are Precious Coolidge
    Lockdowns Are Precious Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    • #20
    • April 8, 2020, at 3:21 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  21. Ray Gunner Coolidge

    Ultron Will Inject You Now (View Comment):

    Ray Gunner (View Comment):

    Bernie is the professional politician version of the post-modern gallery artist, the career paths of which are a lot alike. They both hawk vacuous nonsense to their marks, who are usually gullible, poorly educated Westerners. And the most successful of them close the sale with the implicit assurance that what they are selling will instantly enhance the buyer’s social and moral status.

    What they are selling is nonsense, of course, but it is nonsense that makes the buyer feel good about himself, which means it sells.

    I think this makes “3 House” Bernie a helluva capitalist.

    He’s a pro wrestler. The Crusher.

    No doubt. He sure ain’t Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

    • #21
    • April 8, 2020, at 3:23 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  22. Percival Thatcher
    Percival Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Ray Gunner (View Comment):

    Ultron Will Inject You Now (View Comment):

    Ray Gunner (View Comment):

    Bernie is the professional politician version of the post-modern gallery artist, the career paths of which are a lot alike. They both hawk vacuous nonsense to their marks, who are usually gullible, poorly educated Westerners. And the most successful of them close the sale with the implicit assurance that what they are selling will instantly enhance the buyer’s social and moral status.

    What they are selling is nonsense, of course, but it is nonsense that makes the buyer feel good about himself, which means it sells.

    I think this makes “3 House” Bernie a helluva capitalist.

    He’s a pro wrestler. The Crusher.

    No doubt. He sure ain’t Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

    The Crusher was one-time tag team partner with Dick the Bruiser.

    Dick was the wrestler that gave “Pretty Boy” Bobby “the Brain” Heenan the additional nickname of “the Weasel.”

    • #22
    • April 8, 2020, at 3:46 PM PDT
    • Like