Let’s Troll the Chinese

 

On opening day for the NBA season, a surprisingly large number of people show up with t-shirts with Asian writing on them. Chinese, Korean, Japanese. Maybe even other Asian languages like Thai or Burmese, even though they appear nothing like Chinese; to the average security guard, all Asian languages look the same. When translated, the slogans are innocuous: “Wang Family reunion 2018,” “East Bay High School Dolphins,” “Golden State® Rocks,” “All your base are belong to us.” Some may be complete gibberish, like the random Chinese symbols tattooed on the bicep of your average bodybuilder. Everyone will be let in. After all, who’s going to hassle a cute girl with a t-shirt bearing a Hello Kitty® logo and “Why can’t we be friends” in Japanese?

And nothing happens for the first half of the game. Maybe the cameras will focus on the cute girl with the Hello Kitty® t-shirt during lulls in the game. Everything’s cool.

After halftime, everyone goes back to their seats. Ms. Hello Kitty® gets another pass from the camera and the game starts up again.

Except, up in the executive suite, all hell is breaking loose. All of a sudden, the team executive weasels are getting calls from their Chinese masters. Pretty soon, Ms. Hello Kitty® is getting a visit from security. And a surprising number of people are live-streaming it on their phones. What’s going on?

Well, her shirt still has the Hello Kitty® logo, but it now says, “Free Hong Kong.” In Chinese. Elsewhere, “Wang Family reunion 2018” has become “Close the Uighur Concentration Camps.” “All your base are belong to us” is now “Premier Li looks like Pooh Bear.” “Excited Wonton Door Jamb” now makes sense: “Freedom or Chinese Money, your choice NBA.®

Then we’ll have the glorious spectacle of a cute girl in a Hello Kitty® t-shirt being kicked out of an NBA® game, along with several others. This would only have to be done once, ideally for every game on a single day. After that, we’ll have the ongoing drama at every game of cute girls in Hello Kitty® t-shirts and South Asian People of Color™ being harassed for their clothing.

Of course, the folks wearing shirts with slogans in Spanish or other languages will be let right in. What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

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  1. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.”  I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    • #1
  2. JosePluma Coolidge
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Thanks for the praise, but I’m no Shakespeare.

    • #2
  3. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    JosePluma: “Golden State® Rocks,”

    Bad choice. I hear Diane Feinstein’s former driver is now running security at the Oakland Arena.

    • #3
  4. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Thanks for the praise, but I’m no Shakespeare.

    Even a blind squirrel finds an occasional nut.  Forget I said that.  Way too snarky for a nice guy like me. 

    • #4
  5. JosePluma Coolidge
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Thanks for the praise, but I’m no Shakespeare.

    Even a blind squirrel finds an occasional nut. Forget I said that. Way too snarky for a nice guy like me.

    <Deliberate misunderstanding mode on> I don’t know how squirrelly I am, but I definitely find a nut now and then. 

    • #5
  6. JosePluma Coolidge
    JosePluma
    @JosePluma

    JosePluma: “Excited Wonton Door Jamb” now makes sense: “Freedom or Chinese Money, your choice NBA®.”

    Though I did see Excited Wonton Door Jamb open for Wang Chung in 1987.  I’ve only seen Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs on TV.

    • #6
  7. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    • #7
  8. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan.  How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    • #8
  9. Al French, sad sack Moderator
    Al French, sad sack
    @AlFrench

    Stad (View Comment):

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    52nd, after Greenland.

    • #9
  10. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    How about “The NBA Health Plan Uses Chinese Organ Doners”?

    • #10
  11. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Al French, sad sack (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    52nd, after Greenland.

    I’ll second it.  Statehood for Greenland and Taiwan!

    But not DC or Puerto Rico . . .

    Actually, I think Puerto Rico should be an independent nation.  I know there’s a three-way vote every few years (statehood, independence, staus quo), but I think their interests (and ours) would be better served if they were free to choose their own destiny.

    Any bets on if they become a Chinese pawn should they separate from us?

    • #11
  12. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    How about “The NBA Health Plan Uses Chinese Organ Doners”?

    “The NBA Health Plan Uses Involuntary Chinese Organ Donors”

    • #12
  13. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    • #13
  14. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    Looks about right to me.

    • #14
  15. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    Doing the same, I got, «Singes capitulants mangeurs de fromage.»

    • #15
  16. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    I concur. I love the way the dactyls crash headfirst into the super-punchy iamb. 

    • #16
  17. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Eurovision ‘2013. 

    • #17
  18. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    How about “The NBA Health Plan Uses Chinese Organ Doners”?

    “The NBA Health Plan Uses Involuntary Chinese Organ Donors”

    “Soylent Yellow Is Basketball Players.”

    • #18
  19. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    Doing the same, I got, «Singes capitulants mangeurs de fromage.»

    Aha. Yours is more correct – you used the plural.

    • #19
  20. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Wondering what’s really behind this dustup? Traditional medicine. The Alibaba price for “Tall Man Shinbone Powder” has been climbing since the Xi accelerated the Chinese migration from the countryside to the cities.

    • #20
  21. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Wondering what’s really behind this dustup? Traditional medicine. The Alibaba price for “Tall Man Shinbone Powder” has been climbing since the Xi accelerated the Chinese migration from the countryside to the cities.

    Is the Shinbone Powder made for tall men, or from tall men?

    • #21
  22. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    Justin Trudeau.

    • #22
  23. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Wondering what’s really behind this dustup? Traditional medicine. The Alibaba price for “Tall Man Shinbone Powder” has been climbing since the Xi accelerated the Chinese migration from the countryside to the cities.

    Is the Shinbone Powder made for tall men, or from tall men?

    Well, it’s like this. You know how all the stray cats disappear when a Chinese restaurant opens? Ok, so how many tall Chinamen have you seen recently?

    • #23
  24. E. Kent Golding Moderator
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    Stad (View Comment):

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    Making Taiwan the 51st US State is actually a great idea.   Educated , Hard Working,  Socially Conservative ( not in the US Political sense, but the social sense).   Huge Tax base.  Do It.

    • #24
  25. Cato Rand Inactive
    Cato Rand
    @CatoRand

    Can this be coordinated on social media somehow?  I haven’t been to an NBA game since about 1972, but I’m in.  I’ve been thinking of making a spectacle of myself and getting kicked out for a t-shirt anyway.  I think we should use the protester maneuver of going limp too – so they have to carry us out one by one.  Might also do some research on the legal status of the stadium security.  They’re not enforcing a law, and probably aren’t police.  At most, they’re enforcing a the stadium’s right to be free of civil trespass I think, so I’m not sure they’ve got the right to touch you.  And even then, do the stated Ts and Cs of an NBA basketball ticket prohibit T-shirts with political messages?  I doubt they do. I doubt this is even a civil trespass.   We might get a class action out of this action as a bonus.

    • #25
  26. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Maybe NBA fans should show up in yellowface with tee shirts that say “I [heart] Gulags!”

    • #26
  27. Clifford A. Brown Member
    Clifford A. Brown
    @CliffordBrown

    Barstool Sports is all over it.

    • #27
  28. Cato Rand Inactive
    Cato Rand
    @CatoRand

    Clifford A. Brown (View Comment):

    Barstool Sports is all over it.

    Would it look like I don’t know anything about the NBA is I asked who that was?

    • #28
  29. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

     LeBron James

    • #29
  30. Cato Rand Inactive
    Cato Rand
    @CatoRand

    Arahant (View Comment):

    LeBron James

    Is he the superstar who just gave the groveling interview about how wrong it was for the Rockets guy to upset the Great Leader?

    • #30
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