Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Let’s Troll the Chinese

 

On opening day for the NBA season, a surprisingly large number of people show up with t-shirts with Asian writing on them. Chinese, Korean, Japanese. Maybe even other Asian languages like Thai or Burmese, even though they appear nothing like Chinese; to the average security guard, all Asian languages look the same. When translated, the slogans are innocuous: “Wang Family reunion 2018,” “East Bay High School Dolphins,” “Golden State® Rocks,” “All your base are belong to us.” Some may be complete gibberish, like the random Chinese symbols tattooed on the bicep of your average bodybuilder. Everyone will be let in. After all, who’s going to hassle a cute girl with a t-shirt bearing a Hello Kitty® logo and “Why can’t we be friends” in Japanese?

And nothing happens for the first half of the game. Maybe the cameras will focus on the cute girl with the Hello Kitty® t-shirt during lulls in the game. Everything’s cool.

After halftime, everyone goes back to their seats. Ms. Hello Kitty® gets another pass from the camera and the game starts up again.

Except, up in the executive suite, all hell is breaking loose. All of a sudden, the team executive weasels are getting calls from their Chinese masters. Pretty soon, Ms. Hello Kitty® is getting a visit from security. And a surprising number of people are live-streaming it on their phones. What’s going on?

Well, her shirt still has the Hello Kitty® logo, but it now says, “Free Hong Kong.” In Chinese. Elsewhere, “Wang Family reunion 2018” has become “Close the Uighur Concentration Camps.” “All your base are belong to us” is now “Premier Li looks like Pooh Bear.” “Excited Wonton Door Jamb” now makes sense: “Freedom or Chinese Money, your choice NBA.®

Then we’ll have the glorious spectacle of a cute girl in a Hello Kitty® t-shirt being kicked out of an NBA® game, along with several others. This would only have to be done once, ideally for every game on a single day. After that, we’ll have the ongoing drama at every game of cute girls in Hello Kitty® t-shirts and South Asian People of Color™ being harassed for their clothing.

Of course, the folks wearing shirts with slogans in Spanish or other languages will be let right in. What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

Published in Humor
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There are 35 comments.

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  1. KentForrester Coolidge

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    • #1
    • October 14, 2019, at 4:56 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  2. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma Post author

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Thanks for the praise, but I’m no Shakespeare.

    • #2
    • October 14, 2019, at 5:14 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  3. ctlaw Coolidge

    JosePluma: “Golden State® Rocks,”

    Bad choice. I hear Diane Feinstein’s former driver is now running security at the Oakland Arena.

    • #3
    • October 14, 2019, at 6:02 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  4. KentForrester Coolidge

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Thanks for the praise, but I’m no Shakespeare.

    Even a blind squirrel finds an occasional nut. Forget I said that. Way too snarky for a nice guy like me. 

    • #4
    • October 14, 2019, at 6:16 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  5. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma Post author

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    “A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Thanks for the praise, but I’m no Shakespeare.

    Even a blind squirrel finds an occasional nut. Forget I said that. Way too snarky for a nice guy like me.

    <Deliberate misunderstanding mode on> I don’t know how squirrelly I am, but I definitely find a nut now and then. 

    • #5
    • October 14, 2019, at 6:33 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  6. JosePluma Thatcher
    JosePluma Post author

    JosePluma: “Excited Wonton Door Jamb” now makes sense: “Freedom or Chinese Money, your choice NBA®.”

    Though I did see Excited Wonton Door Jamb open for Wang Chung in 1987. I’ve only seen Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs on TV.

    • #6
    • October 14, 2019, at 6:39 AM PST
    • 9 likes
  7. Arahant Member

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    • #7
    • October 14, 2019, at 7:53 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  8. Stad Thatcher

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    • #8
    • October 14, 2019, at 8:16 AM PST
    • 10 likes
  9. Al French, Count of Clackamas Member

    Stad (View Comment):

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    52nd, after Greenland.

    • #9
    • October 14, 2019, at 8:49 AM PST
    • 9 likes
  10. Eustace C. Scrubb Member

    How about “The NBA Health Plan Uses Chinese Organ Doners”?

    • #10
    • October 14, 2019, at 9:22 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  11. Stad Thatcher

    Al French, sad sack (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    52nd, after Greenland.

    I’ll second it. Statehood for Greenland and Taiwan!

    But not DC or Puerto Rico . . .

    Actually, I think Puerto Rico should be an independent nation. I know there’s a three-way vote every few years (statehood, independence, staus quo), but I think their interests (and ours) would be better served if they were free to choose their own destiny.

    Any bets on if they become a Chinese pawn should they separate from us?

    • #11
    • October 14, 2019, at 9:25 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  12. Arahant Member

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    How about “The NBA Health Plan Uses Chinese Organ Doners”?

    “The NBA Health Plan Uses Involuntary Chinese Organ Donors”

    • #12
    • October 14, 2019, at 9:28 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  13. Barfly Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    • #13
    • October 14, 2019, at 9:44 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  14. Arahant Member

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    Looks about right to me.

    • #14
    • October 14, 2019, at 9:55 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  15. Arahant Member

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    Doing the same, I got, «Singes capitulants mangeurs de fromage.»

    • #15
    • October 14, 2019, at 10:04 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  16. TBA Coolidge
    TBA

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    “Cowardly lickspittle hypocrite poseurs.” I’m not sure a more punchy and felicitous sentence has ever been written, including the 50 thousand lines that Shakespeare wrote.

    I concur. I love the way the dactyls crash headfirst into the super-punchy iamb. 

    • #16
    • October 14, 2019, at 11:18 AM PST
    • Like
  17. TBA Coolidge
    TBA

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Eurovision ‘2013. 

    • #17
    • October 14, 2019, at 11:20 AM PST
    • Like
  18. Barfly Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    How about “The NBA Health Plan Uses Chinese Organ Doners”?

    “The NBA Health Plan Uses Involuntary Chinese Organ Donors”

    “Soylent Yellow Is Basketball Players.”

    • #18
    • October 14, 2019, at 11:25 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  19. Barfly Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    JosePluma: What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    «Les Françaises»

    Singe de reddition mangeur de fromage, according to Google Translate. Wait, did I do that right?

    Doing the same, I got, «Singes capitulants mangeurs de fromage.»

    Aha. Yours is more correct – you used the plural.

    • #19
    • October 14, 2019, at 2:52 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  20. Barfly Member

    Wondering what’s really behind this dustup? Traditional medicine. The Alibaba price for “Tall Man Shinbone Powder” has been climbing since the Xi accelerated the Chinese migration from the countryside to the cities.

    • #20
    • October 14, 2019, at 2:55 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  21. Judge Mental Member

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Wondering what’s really behind this dustup? Traditional medicine. The Alibaba price for “Tall Man Shinbone Powder” has been climbing since the Xi accelerated the Chinese migration from the countryside to the cities.

    Is the Shinbone Powder made for tall men, or from tall men?

    • #21
    • October 14, 2019, at 3:16 PM PST
    • Like
  22. RightAngles Member

    What’s French for “Cowardly Lickspittle Hypocrite Poseurs?”

    Justin Trudeau.

    • #22
    • October 14, 2019, at 3:54 PM PST
    • 13 likes
  23. Barfly Member

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Wondering what’s really behind this dustup? Traditional medicine. The Alibaba price for “Tall Man Shinbone Powder” has been climbing since the Xi accelerated the Chinese migration from the countryside to the cities.

    Is the Shinbone Powder made for tall men, or from tall men?

    Well, it’s like this. You know how all the stray cats disappear when a Chinese restaurant opens? Ok, so how many tall Chinamen have you seen recently?

    • #23
    • October 14, 2019, at 3:54 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  24. E. Kent Golding Member

    Stad (View Comment):

    If we troll the Chinese about Hong Kong, we should also include Taiwan. How about tee shirts that read, “Make Taiwan the 51st US State!”

    Making Taiwan the 51st US State is actually a great idea. Educated , Hard Working, Socially Conservative ( not in the US Political sense, but the social sense). Huge Tax base. Do It.

    • #24
    • October 14, 2019, at 5:07 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  25. Cato Rand Reagan

    Can this be coordinated on social media somehow? I haven’t been to an NBA game since about 1972, but I’m in. I’ve been thinking of making a spectacle of myself and getting kicked out for a t-shirt anyway. I think we should use the protester maneuver of going limp too – so they have to carry us out one by one. Might also do some research on the legal status of the stadium security. They’re not enforcing a law, and probably aren’t police. At most, they’re enforcing a the stadium’s right to be free of civil trespass I think, so I’m not sure they’ve got the right to touch you. And even then, do the stated Ts and Cs of an NBA basketball ticket prohibit T-shirts with political messages? I doubt they do. I doubt this is even a civil trespass. We might get a class action out of this action as a bonus.

    • #25
    • October 15, 2019, at 12:49 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  26. Stad Thatcher

    Maybe NBA fans should show up in yellowface with tee shirts that say “I [heart] Gulags!”

    • #26
    • October 15, 2019, at 6:43 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  27. Clifford A. Brown Contributor

    Barstool Sports is all over it.

    • #27
    • October 15, 2019, at 6:03 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  28. Cato Rand Reagan

    Clifford A. Brown (View Comment):

    Barstool Sports is all over it.

    Would it look like I don’t know anything about the NBA is I asked who that was?

    • #28
    • October 16, 2019, at 3:43 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  29. Arahant Member

     LeBron James

    • #29
    • October 16, 2019, at 3:47 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  30. Cato Rand Reagan

    Arahant (View Comment):

    LeBron James

    Is he the superstar who just gave the groveling interview about how wrong it was for the Rockets guy to upset the Great Leader?

    • #30
    • October 16, 2019, at 3:54 AM PST
    • 2 likes
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