A Politically Incorrect Reflection on Traffic Stops

 

I’m no longer a police officer so you’re all safe from me.

Warning: My sarcasm filter is rather low. Do not take it personally. There were many different encounters with people that helped to hone my sense of the absurd, my sense of humor, and my sense of wonder. I cannot thank them enough.

I’ve made a list of the things I have experienced as a police officer on traffic stops, with the exception of the body in the trunk. That happened to an officer that I knew. For those of you that think I’m too acerbic you can take some comfort from the fact that I’m no longer on the road as a police officer.

I had no problem with a private citizen obtaining a concealed handgun permit. I had no problem with said citizen having the handgun in their vehicle. I believe that you have the right to defend yourself. As a police officer I assumed everyone that I approached and talked with was armed.

When I was on a traffic stop my preference was as soon as I got to the driver’s window I was told; “I have a concealed hand gun license” and then I was told where the gun was in the vehicle. Do not display the pistol and then say to me; “It’s okay, I have a permit.” I am going to ask to see the permit. Remember, I did not ask you to show me the pistol. I’m a literal person.

Even though I checked your license plate with a dispatcher I have no idea if you are the RO (Registered Owner) of the vehicle until I see your ID. All I know at that point is your license plate matches the make and model of the vehicle I pulled-over. If the plate does not match the make and model Officer Friendly (that’s me) will start our discussion by asking you to explain why your plate does not match the vehicle.

I have no idea what type of person you are. For all I know you just cleaned your garage, to include the body that had been in there for two days, that is now in your trunk. (this happened to an officer I know on a traffic stop.) I’m not going to call your sixth grade teacher, former Scoutmaster, priest, minister, or rabbi for a character reference, or to find out if you’re kind to small animals and children.

When I ask for your license, registration, and proof of insurance please do not reach into your glove box and try to hand me a stack of paperwork as thick as War and Peace. I’ll let you sort through the paperwork. This keeps your hands busy and allows me to watch you and scan the interior of your car.

If you don’t have your ID and decide to give me someone else’s name pick someone who does not have a warrant for their arrest. If you do have your ID and the dispatcher tells me you have a warrant I’m probably not going to buy into the story that you have an evil twin.

If you’re under 21 you might want to separate your falsified license from your real license. I know it’s not fair that you have to wait until you’re 21 to go night clubbing, but you now have a traffic violation and a criminal charge, and no you don’t get to keep the falsified license.

Please no tears. I’ve seen my share of intended and unintended mayhem. I’ve dealt with people who have lost family members to violence and accidents. I empathize with their tears.

I received my first traffic citation two weeks after I received my license so I’ve been in your position and I muddled through the incident without having to see a therapist.

You can tell me that you believe some traffic laws are ridiculous and should not be enforced, especially the one I stopped you for violating. I already know that, that’s how we met.

Important Tip: You can swear at me all you like, I’m not going to hit you. I am going to write down every expletive, without asterisks on the back of the judge’s copy of your citation. The judge also has a copy of your DMV history in front of him when you go to court. Do not tell the judge you have a perfect driving record unless you do. If you have collected 15 moving violations in 3 months the judge will be led to believe you have two problems. The first is your credibility and the second is you are a slow learner.
I did not write the traffic laws nor assign the amount of the fine for a traffic violation. Your elected representatives do those things. Talk to your representative.

I do not like red light cameras or photo radar vans any more than you do. Once again these are legislative issues. Talk to your city council member, or state legislator.

I abhor city council meetings. Most city council members are to the left of Bernie Sanders. I avoid them whether in a public setting or in a private setting.

If you do decide to go to a city council meeting be prepared to sit and listen before your turn comes to address the council; to a member of The Friends of Trees; to a 35 year-old skater complain that the your city isn’t building enough skate parks; or the bicyclist that has run every red light in the city and who has displayed the impudent digit to every driver that had a green light and almost hit him. His complaint, there aren’t enough bike lanes in the city, which he has no intention of using even if they were provided.

Be careful out there.

Published in Policing
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  1. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Amen, brother, amen!

    Also, don’t talk yourself into a ticket when the nice officer is trying his best to let you off with a warning.

    • #1
  2. Doug Watt Member
    Doug Watt
    @DougWatt

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Amen, brother, amen!

    Also, don’t talk yourself into a ticket when the nice officer is trying his best to let you off with a warning.

    It is much easier to talk your way into a cite than to talk your way of out of one.

     

    • #2
  3. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Doug Watt (View Comment):
    It is much easier to talk your way into a cite than to talk your way of out of one.

    One of my brother’s stories is from when he lived in a high-rise apartment complex. He pulled over a guy who lived a couple floors below him, and really didn’t want to give this neighbor a ticket, even if they had never encountered each other in the building before. But the guy just wouldn’t close his mouth.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    This is hysterical, Doug! I giggled all the way through! Very well done, and thank you for making me smile. Your humor is perfect to me: that must mean you’ve been a bad influence on me. H.m.m.m.m…..

    • #4
  5. She Member
    She
    @She

    I got stopped one morning on my way to work, years ago.  I’d run a red light that I knew was there; must have been woolgathering, I suppose.  At least it was in town, and I was obeying the speed limit. 

    The nice policeman asked me for my license, which I provided.  Then he asked for the registration card.  I started to fumble through the glove compartment, and couldn’t find it.  After several seconds of this, and after he’d had the chance to give my little pickup the once-over, and noticed that the doors were two different colors, the bed was halfway rusted out and had clear evidence of having transported livestock in the recent past, and the fenders were patched and dented, he said “this is your vehicle, isn’t it, ma’am?”

    “Yes, officer, sadly, it is,” I said.

    “It’s OK, just be more careful in the future,” he said, and let me go on my way.

    • #5
  6. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    She (View Comment):
    “Yes, officer, sadly, it is,” I said.

    😁

    • #6
  7. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    Excellent. It’s good to see the cop’s perspective. 

    Hey I have to tell you what happened last week. I went to a night ball game in Baltimore, which is about three hours from my home. I left as the ninth inning was nearly over which put me on the road after 10:30PM. Driving up I95 I was stopped by a Maryland state trooper around a quarter after eleven for going 78 mph in a 65. I was shocked they would be pulling people over at that hour for a few mph over the sort of unofficial allowed 75. I was very courteous, followed all his direction, and meekly said I was just trying to get home. He looked at me and my nine year old son in the booster seat in the back, took my license and registration, and went to his vehicle to do what he had to do. When he came back, to my shock he let me off with just a warning. I was so grateful. I found out the next day they were on the lookout for MS13 gang members who had just killed a couple of people. I suspect that’s why they were out there that night looking for a reason to stop people. 

    • #7
  8. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    How often do you see people display 100 Club or similar stickers (for donations to fallen officers’ families) in hope that it will spare them tickets? Those organizations probably make the stickers understanding that it’s a selling point, sadly.

    • #8
  9. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):

    How often do you see people display 100 Club or similar stickers (for donations to fallen officers’ families) in hope that it will spare them tickets? Those organizations probably make the stickers understanding that it’s a selling point, sadly.

    But do all of those organizations spend much of the money where they say they will?

    • #9
  10. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):

    How often do you see people display 100 Club or similar stickers (for donations to fallen officers’ families) in hope that it will spare them tickets? Those organizations probably make the stickers understanding that it’s a selling point, sadly.

    But do all of those organizations spend much of the money where they say they will?

    I once got a call from such a group (or an impostor scam) claiming I donated the previous year, though I lived in a different city the previous year.

    • #10
  11. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    She (View Comment):
    “Yes, officer, sadly, it is,” I said.

    Should have asked him if he wanted to make an offer.

    • #11
  12. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Got pulled over in Kansas once on a bad license plate light bulb. I think actually the cop wanted a look inside the backseat, which was full of clothes and household goods and electronics. I informed him I was in the process of moving from Iowa to OKC for a job, and he let me go.

    The light was in working order before I left and was in working order when I arrived. Still, loading the trunk might have loosened a connection. I don’t know.

    Another time I was in Ohio, on a state route headed away from the interstate. This time I think the cop figured I was lost.

    “Well, officer, I’m going to continue down 56 here until I get to 22, then take that over the Scioto to Circleville, then US 23 down to 361, follow that to Kingston, take County Line Road out of Kingston …”

    I lost him at Kingston. He let me go too.

    • #12
  13. Petty Boozswha Inactive
    Petty Boozswha
    @PettyBoozswha

    Mr. Watt, what percentage of police officers do you think are required to participate in speed traps to generate revenue? Is there any way for an officer to ethically refuse such an order?

    • #13
  14. PHCheese Inactive
    PHCheese
    @PHCheese

    My last encounter with a police officer was not because he stopped me but because my tire was flat. I was struggling with a broken lug wrench and he not only lent me his he totally changed the tire. I got his name and sent a letter to his chief . What a nice young man he was.

    • #14
  15. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Doug Watt: If you don’t have your ID and decide to give me someone else’s name pick someone who does not have a warrant for their arrest. If you do have your ID and the dispatcher tells me you have a warrant I’m probably not going to buy into the story that you have an evil twin.

    I wasn’t told about this until years after it happened.  At one point my brother’s license had been suspended and he got pulled over for speeding.  He told the officer that he didn’t have his license with him but told him he was me.  Apparently got away with it.

    • #15
  16. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    She (View Comment):

    I got stopped one morning on my way to work, years ago. I’d run a red light that I knew was there; must have been woolgathering, I suppose. At least it was in town, and I was obeying the speed limit.

    Where is is used to work, about three blocks down from the parking lot had to make a right turn at a  controlled intersection where my light was usually red to go home.  Was in the habit of stopping at the light, checking traffic, then go.

    one day I had to run some errands in the other direction.  Pulled up to the red light, checked traffic, turned left.  about halfway through through the intersection I realized what I had just done.  Fortunately no cops around.  

     

    • #16
  17. E. Kent Golding Moderator
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    Petty Boozswha (View Comment):

    Mr. Watt, what percentage of police officers do you think are required to participate in speed traps to generate revenue? Is there any way for an officer to ethically refuse such an order?

    Sure there is,  but most officers have families to support.    There are few jobs that don’t have something included that you don’t like.

    • #17
  18. Doug Watt Member
    Doug Watt
    @DougWatt

    E. Kent Golding (View Comment):

    Petty Boozswha (View Comment):

    Mr. Watt, what percentage of police officers do you think are required to participate in speed traps to generate revenue? Is there any way for an officer to ethically refuse such an order?

    Sure there is, but most officers have families to support. There are few jobs that don’t have something included that you don’t like.

    Allowing speed traps is dependent upon state law. Oregon does not allow speed traps, and Oregon does not permit field sobriety checkpoints.  

     

    • #18
  19. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Doug WattAllowing speed traps is dependent upon state law. Oregon does not allow speed traps, and Oregon does not permit field sobriety checkpoints.

    Depends on how you define “speed trap.” I live on a stretch of road that’s 25mph and regularly traveled at 40+. The residents, especially those with younger children, have had it. The city has decided to enforce our limit. If you don’t live on the street you might be tempted to call it a speed trap.

    Linndale, Ohio, on the other hand is a classic example. Surrounded by the cities of Cleveland and Brooklyn it has a 422-yard section of I-71 that it used to fill the village coffers for decades. Their officers actually had to leave town to get on the interstate. Finally, the state legislature outlawed Mayor’s Courts and forced all cases into the city court of Parma. So, they installed cameras at the village’s busiest intersection instead. 

    It’s so notorious it was once featured on This American Life.

    • #19
  20. CarolJoy, Above Top Secret Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Above Top Secret
    @CarolJoy

    I’m wondering if we get a free pass on that body in the trunk, if we have cam footage showing the guy was that bicyclist who never uses a bike lane and invariably cuts off the traffic around him due to ignoring usual traffic laws and common sense?

    • #20
  21. Richard Finlay Inactive
    Richard Finlay
    @RichardFinlay

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Doug Watt: Allowing speed traps is dependent upon state law. Oregon does not allow speed traps, and Oregon does not permit field sobriety checkpoints.

    Depends on how you define “speed trap.” I live on a stretch of road that’s 25mph and regularly traveled at 40+. The residents, especially those with younger children, have had it. The city has decided to enforce our limit. If you don’t live on the street you might be tempted to call it a speed trap.

    Linndale, Ohio, on the other hand is a classic example. Surrounded by the cities of Cleveland and Brooklyn it has a 422-yard section of I-71 that it used to fill the village coffers for decades. Their officers actually had to leave town to get on the interstate. Finally, the state legislature outlawed Mayor’s Courts and forced all cases into the city court of Parma. So, they installed cameras at the village’s busiest intersection instead.

    It’s so notorious it was once featured on This American Life.

    I passed through Linndale twice a day for 27+ years. I found it quite difficult to go (only) 25mph downhill. Finally decided it was best to just set the cruise control to 25 for the few blocks involved. Many, many of my coworkers never figured that out. 

    • #21
  22. Steve C. Member
    Steve C.
    @user_531302

    I was traveling late at night through rural Alabama in a brand new Lincoln driven by a guy I worked with. He was putting the car through its paces.

    We get stopped for speeding on some lonely road by a county deputy. The officer is examining Bill’s license and goes through the usual questions a sort of who, what, where etc and he suddenly says…

    Were you a flight instructor at Fort Wolters helicopter school in 1970?

    Why yes, I was.

    Do you remember me?

    Why sure I do.

    From there I got to listen to about 15 minutes of war stories, family stories etc.

    He let Bill go with a warning.

    As we drove away, Bill turned to me and said, “I have no idea who that guy was, but he sure remembered me.”

    • #22
  23. Slow on the uptake Coolidge
    Slow on the uptake
    @Chuckles

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    I got stopped one morning on my way to work, years ago. I’d run a red light that I knew was there; must have been woolgathering, I suppose. At least it was in town, and I was obeying the speed limit.

    Where is is used to work, about three blocks down from the parking lot had to make a right turn at a controlled intersection where my light was usually red to go home. Was in the habit of stopping at the light, checking traffic, then go.

    one day I had to run some errands in the other direction. Pulled up to the red light, checked traffic, turned left. about halfway through through the intersection I realized what I had just done. Fortunately no cops around.

    ’bout 18 years old, living in Corpus.  Pulled up to a stop light, the hot car next to me raced his engine.  I responded, this went on until the light turned green.  In my 53 Ford I left him in the dust.

    Then I found out why:  The police car was right behind me at the light.  He laughed all the time he was writing the ticket.

    • #23
  24. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    Doug Watt (View Comment):
    Allowing speed traps is dependent upon state law. Oregon does not allow speed traps, and Oregon does not permit field sobriety checkpoints.

    Houston occasionally has the latter. Though I have never been stopped in one, their mere existence infuriates me. It essentially suspends 4th Amendment protections for a day. But our judicial overlords thought that’s fine.

    SCOTUS apparently decided in 1990 that the interest of preventing drunk driving outweighed protection against unwarranted searches and detention. So a murder suspect gets 4th Amendment protection, but not anyone driving on a road favored by idiots.

    • #24
  25. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    Doug Watt: If you don’t have your ID and decide to give me someone else’s name pick someone who does not have a warrant for their arrest. If you do have your ID and the dispatcher tells me you have a warrant I’m probably not going to buy into the story that you have an evil twin.

    I wasn’t told about this until years after it happened. At one point my brother’s license had been suspended and he got pulled over for speeding. He told the officer that he didn’t have his license with him but told him he was me. Apparently got away with it.

    Did you adjust his attitude when you heard about it?

    • #25
  26. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Petty Boozswha (View Comment):

    Mr. Watt, what percentage of police officers do you think are required to participate in speed traps to generate revenue? Is there any way for an officer to ethically refuse such an order?

    Not that high a percentage. As Doug mentioned, many states restrict such things by law. For instance, I believe one state has a law that if the revenue from tickets is above a certain percentage of a city/town/village’s budget, everything over that percentage is forfeited to the state, so speed traps become ways for a town to contribute to state coffers rather than their own. That cuts down on such practices remarkably well. Secondly, larger departments tend to be more professional. So, in larger cities and towns, speed traps are generally fewer.

    What you are left with is small towns in states that do not restrict speed traps. The police departments are usually small, and may only have a few part-time officers who have nothing else to do. These towns are often on US routes where it slows from 55 mph to 20-25 mph, like Bainbridge, Indiana on US 36. Do not speed in Bainbridge. Like Richard Fulmer suggested above, use you cruise control or a steady eye on your speedometer if you go through a place like that.

    • #26
  27. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    I’d rather no one had your job, but I suppose I prefer honest and moral men to have it.  Most cops seem to be.  The bad ones are plentiful enough, though. 

    • #27
  28. Petty Boozswha Inactive
    Petty Boozswha
    @PettyBoozswha

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Petty Boozswha (View Comment):

    Mr. Watt, what percentage of police officers do you think are required to participate in speed traps to generate revenue? Is there any way for an officer to ethically refuse such an order?

    Not that high a percentage. As Doug mentioned, many states restrict such things by law. For instance, I believe one state has a law that if the revenue from tickets is above a certain percentage of a city/town/village’s budget, everything over that percentage is forfeited to the state, so speed traps become ways for a town to contribute to state coffers rather than their own. That cuts down on such practices remarkably well. Secondly, larger departments tend to be more professional. So, in larger cities and towns, speed traps are generally fewer.

    What you are left with is small towns in states that do not restrict speed traps. The police departments are usually small, and may only have a few part-time officers who have nothing else to do. These towns are often on US routes where it slows from 55 mph to 20-25 mph, like Bainbridge, Indiana on US 36. Do not speed in Bainbridge. Like Richard Fulmer suggested above, use you cruise control or a steady eye on your speedometer if you go through a place like that.

    Thanks for your contribution, but color me a bit cynical that states don’t sometimes participate. Two or three years ago I made the mistake of getting off the interstate to take the Cape May-Lewes ferry scenic route down the DelMarVa peninsula. I got away with only two tickets in about 40 minutes and was lucky at that – at every county line patrol cars were lined up like Nile crocodiles waiting for the wildebeests.

    • #28
  29. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Petty Boozswha (View Comment):
    …but color me a bit cynical that states don’t sometimes participate.

    I didn’t say they didn’t. I said that many states outlaw it or come up with ways to make the practice untenable at the local level. I don’t believe I have ever driven in Maryland or Virginia, nor been to Delaware. Can’t say I know anything about their traffic code philosophies.

    • #29
  30. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    And if you got one, why were you speeding again? Most people are more cautious after they receive a ticket. PEBSWAGP.

    • #30
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