No Host Is Pure Enough to Host The Oscars

 

“My name is Oscarmandias, King of Entertainment;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

After months of searching for a host then chasing off the only person willing to try, the Academy has thrown in the gold lamé towelette. For the first time in the past three decades of The Oscars, the event will go hostless. From Variety:

Producers will select a crop of A-listers to introduce various segments instead of relying on one marquee name to kick things off in a monologue filled with Trump zingers, said the insiders. The producers and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the group behind the Oscars, are scrambling to line up top talent needed to carry the telecast, which is just six weeks from airing live — on Feb. 24 — from Hollywood’s Dolby Theatre. Hand-wringing at the Academy has been palpable.

Oh, good — “Trump zingers.”

When comedian Kevin Hart was announced as the host last month, the woke mob attacked him over decade-old jokes now deemed homophobic. Hart had repeatedly apologized for these past sins, but the Academy insisted on another round of public groveling. Instead, he quit. Not every entertainer is willing to bend the knee to the comedy police.

Who would be your choice to host the Oscars? If he or she was chosen, would you even watch?

Published in Entertainment
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There are 80 comments.

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  1. ToryWarWriter Thatcher

    They should have the President host the Oscars.

    • #1
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:17 PM PDT
    • 33 likes
  2. The Great Adventure! Member

    Mel. Mel Gibson. They can’t besmirch him any more than they already have.

    • #2
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:22 PM PDT
    • 10 likes
  3. Flicker Inactive

    Clint Eastwood. And his soliloquy to a chair.

    • #3
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:23 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  4. Western Chauvinist Member

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    They should have the President host the Oscars.

    I’d watch that! Too funny.

    • #4
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:25 PM PDT
    • 8 likes
  5. Antisocial-Introvert Thatcher

    I’m sure the woke mob will be able to find plenty of real and imagined offenses committed by the crop of A-listers.

    • #5
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:25 PM PDT
    • Like
  6. Percival Thatcher

    No host? Why not? They’ve been getting by with no TV audience for years now.

    • #6
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:27 PM PDT
    • 30 likes
  7. AmishDude Member

    There is only one choice who is guaranteed not to say anything problematic. It is time for Funnybot.

    • #7
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:27 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  8. Flicker Inactive

    I just flew in from the coast and boy are my self-actuating mono-linear propulsion units tired.

    • #8
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:33 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  9. Miffed White Male Member

    Bob Hope and Johnny Carson.

     

    Failing that, Steve Martin.

    • #9
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:44 PM PDT
    • 4 likes
  10. JamesSalerno Coolidge

    Drones. They love drones.

    • #10
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:46 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  11. Locke On Member

    JamesSalerno (View Comment):

    Drones. They love drones.

    Takes one to know one?

    • #11
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:48 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  12. toggle Coolidge

    How about Kim and Kayne ?
    He could wear his MAGA hat and she, well, basically nothing.
    He would do all of the talking while she takes selfies.
    Might attract an audience.

    • #12
    • January 9, 2019, at 3:55 PM PDT
    • 15 likes
  13. Chris Campion Coolidge

    They should ask Kevin back.

    And then he should tell them “Jam it”.

    • #13
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:00 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  14. Hoyacon Member

    A comedy genius: Bill Belichick. He’ll be free by then and I guarantee the show won’t run over.

    • #14
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:11 PM PDT
    • 13 likes
  15. Cato Rand Reagan

    I don’t have an answer to your first question, who I’d choose. But your second is easy. No. I wouldn’t watch. Period.

    • #15
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:13 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  16. Jeff Hawkins Coolidge

    In a perfect world: Kill the ceremony, just have a dinner.

    If I have to have a host: Adam Carrolla is my vibe. I think you need someone with the willingness to attack the pompous atmosphere.

    if I’m them: Just ask James Corden to do a few carpool karaokes and give a lame monologue and an opening number that highlights his musical theater background. He’s harmless and woke

    • #16
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:21 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  17. Jon Gabriel, Ed. Chief
    Jon Gabriel, Ed. Post author

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Bob Hope and Johnny Carson.

     

    Failing that, Steve Martin.

    Best thing about Steve Martin is that he can’t hide his general contempt for the entire industry.

    • #17
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:27 PM PDT
    • 12 likes
  18. Flicker Inactive

    Jon Gabriel, Ed. (View Comment):

    Best thing about Steve Martin is that he can’t hide his general contempt for the entire industry.

    I personally think it would be quite a step down for Happy Feet. He was pretty much as good as they get, to me.

    What about Tim Allen?

    • #18
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:29 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  19. Front Seat Cat Member

    Billy Crystal and if he’s too controversial by today’s standards, how about our own @daviddeeble – ok – he may be too mellow – – what is Jerry Seinfeld doing these days – can he still get a zinger in? No? Ok – let’s just really stir up a big, fat hornet’s nest and throw in someone where everyone is sure to soil their designer duds over – they may need to distribute old fashioned smelling salts, …Mark Steyn…..but it would be damn funny!

    PS Was there really a movie out this past year that deserves the coveted award?

    • #19
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:38 PM PDT
    • 4 likes
  20. Flicker Inactive

    I love Steyn but wouldn’t he be just a little too cerebral for the event?

    • #20
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:42 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  21. Front Seat Cat Member

    Flicker (View Comment):

    I love Steyn but wouldn’t he be just a little too cerebral for the event?

    Maybe just outlaw laughing and distribute free flu shots like they did at The Golden Globes.

    • #21
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:44 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  22. toggle Coolidge

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):
    Was there really a movie out this past year that deserves the coveted award?

    Gosnell.

    • #22
    • January 9, 2019, at 4:45 PM PDT
    • 12 likes
  23. Sweezle Member

    TY for making me laugh. Last night’s Pelosi & Schumer meme and “the Academy has thrown in the gold lamé towelette” are great tonics. After watching & reading most of the media reports last night humor is greatly appreciated. 

    • #23
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:08 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  24. James Gawron Thatcher

    Jon,

    I have no idea what you are talking about. Why the Oscars will be stellar. I can’t wait.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #24
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:12 PM PDT
    • Like
  25. Arahant Member

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Who would be your choice to host the Oscars?

    Mel Brooks

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: If he or she were chosen, would you even watch?

    Probably not.

    • #25
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:17 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  26. Valiuth Member

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    They should have the President host the Oscars.

    I’m sure Obama has better things to do. 

    • #26
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:23 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  27. Valiuth Member

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Who would be your choice to host the Oscars? If he or she was chosen, would you even watch?

    Just get Billy Crystal to do it. He’s done it like 100 times before so he’s a pro, and everyone likes him. 

     

    • #27
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:27 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  28. Flicker Inactive

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    I’m sure Obama has better things to do. 

    I’m sure he does, but like what?

    • #28
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:32 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  29. RushBabe49 Thatcher

    Pat Sajac. He’s ours.

    • #29
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:33 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  30. Henry Castaigne Member

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    They should have the President host the Oscars.

    Highest rating evah. 

    • #30
    • January 9, 2019, at 5:41 PM PDT
    • 1 like
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