No Host Is Pure Enough to Host The Oscars

 

“My name is Oscarmandias, King of Entertainment;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

After months of searching for a host then chasing off the only person willing to try, the Academy has thrown in the gold lamé towelette. For the first time in the past three decades of The Oscars, the event will go hostless. From Variety:

Producers will select a crop of A-listers to introduce various segments instead of relying on one marquee name to kick things off in a monologue filled with Trump zingers, said the insiders. The producers and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the group behind the Oscars, are scrambling to line up top talent needed to carry the telecast, which is just six weeks from airing live — on Feb. 24 — from Hollywood’s Dolby Theatre. Hand-wringing at the Academy has been palpable.

Oh, good — “Trump zingers.”

When comedian Kevin Hart was announced as the host last month, the woke mob attacked him over decade-old jokes now deemed homophobic. Hart had repeatedly apologized for these past sins, but the Academy insisted on another round of public groveling. Instead, he quit. Not every entertainer is willing to bend the knee to the comedy police.

Who would be your choice to host the Oscars? If he or she was chosen, would you even watch?

Published in Entertainment
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  1. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    JamesSalerno (View Comment):

    Drones. They love drones.

    But which one. There are so many.

    • #31
  2. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Bob Hope and Johnny Carson.

     

    Failing that, Steve Martin.

    What do you have against Steve Martin?! What’d he ever do to you??

    • #32
  3. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    Dave Letterman with his giant beard. He’s a lefty, but at least he has contempt for himself and show business.

    • #33
  4. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    They should have the President host the Oscars.

    Highest rating evah.

    Probably true. People who haven’t watched in years would tune in to see what would happen.

    • #34
  5. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Personally, I’m pleased that the media can’t find a host who passes muster. It shows the greater public that there is no purity pure enough for the “woke” crowd, and that there is no forgiveness available from them.

    We need this demonstration to show that trying to be “woke” is a fool’s errand.

    • #35
  6. She Member
    She
    @She

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.:

    From Variety:

    Producers will select a crop of A-listers to introduce various segments instead of relying on one marquee name to kick things off in a monologue filled with Trump zingers, said the insiders. The producers and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the group behind the Oscars, are scrambling to line up top talent needed to carry the telecast, which is just six weeks from airing live — on Feb. 24 — from Hollywood’s Dolby Theatre. Hand-wringing at the Academy has been palpable.

    I wonder, had “the Academy” (now there’s a pretentious load of guff, right there) not made a huge splash with a big announcement and write-up in Variety that there was to be no host for this year’s broadcast, whether anyone would actually have noticed the absence of such?

    After all, they did this at least once before (thirty years ago, it appears).  And, survived, apparently.

    Well, actually, it does appear to have been a bit of a dog’s breakfast, starting with a twelve-minute “earsplitting duet by a tone-deaf Rob Lowe and a no-name actress dressed as Snow White.”    You can read the whole story here if you’re a glutton for punishment, or just save your masochistic instincts for the night of February 24, in order to see what they’ve managed to come up with  to ruin a perfectly good evening this year.  I think I’ll pass.

    • #36
  7. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Personally, I’m pleased that the media can’t find a host who passes muster. It shows the greater public that there is no purity pure enough for the “woke” crowd, and that there is no forgiveness available from them.

    We need this demonstration to show that trying to be “woke” is a fool’s errand.

    Also, Kevin Hart did say previously that he regretted those tweets and that he had changed as a person. He isn’t going to post those tweets again. If you are a gay-rights advocate, isn’t that a win? A guy who said not very nice things about gays now regrets saying those things. Instead of letting people improve themselves, the woke mob removes the capacity of people to be forgiven and be better people. 

    27 After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. “Follow me,” Jesus said to him, 28 and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.

    29 Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. 30 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”

    31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

     

    • #37
  8. John Hanson Coolidge
    John Hanson
    @JohnHanson

    I haven’t watched Oscar’s in over 30 years. I always have far better ways to utilize my time, and they are supremely boring in any case.

    • #38
  9. Larry3435 Inactive
    Larry3435
    @Larry3435

    Trump should nationalize the Academy and, once it is part of the government, treat it as non-essential and closed by the shutdown.  

    • #39
  10. Mate De Inactive
    Mate De
    @MateDe

    ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

    They should have the President host the Oscars.

    If they did this, then I would watch the Oscars. It would probably be the highest rated Oscars ever!!

    • #40
  11. Michael Brehm Lincoln
    Michael Brehm
    @MichaelBrehm

    They should really shake things up and have Jordan Peterson host. Instead of the lame skits and musical numbers,  he could give long, off-the-cuff lectures exploring the Jungian significance and psychological themes of the best picture nominees. I would totally watch that.

    • #41
  12. Vance Richards Inactive
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    They should let Google, Amazon, and Apple bid to be the official Smart Home Device of the Oscars. Then the audience could just ask, “Hey Siri, what is the Best Picture for 2018?” Siri (or Alexa, etc.) would then announce the winner and the Oscars could be dispensed from a giant vending machine. A completely self-service Oscar night.

    • #42
  13. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Diamond and Silk.

    • #43
  14. Michael Brehm Lincoln
    Michael Brehm
    @MichaelBrehm

    Vance Richards (View Comment):
    the Oscars could be dispensed from a giant vending machine.

    We have the technology!

    • #44
  15. Songwriter Inactive
    Songwriter
    @user_19450

    I stopped watching all awards shows about 20 years ago. I’m not sure there is anybody they could find to make me watch the Oscars. 

    • #45
  16. Calvin Dodge Inactive
    Calvin Dodge
    @CalvinDodge

    I vote for James Woods.

    • #46
  17. Valiuth Member
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    I’m sure Obama has better things to do.

    I’m sure he does, but like what?

    Ruining Jackson Park with his hideous presidential library…

    • #47
  18. Valiuth Member
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    Songwriter (View Comment):

    I stopped watching all awards shows about 20 years ago. I’m not sure there is anybody they could find to make me watch the Oscars.

    The problem with the Oscars isn’t the host. It is the fact that the event is 4 hours long and 80% of the categories are weird and technical. Not that sound design isn’t important to a movie, but I think for a general audience it isn’t something anyone thinks about. They need to just put all of the interesting awards up front, director, actors (lead and supporting), music, special effects, cinematography. Get those done in an hour as well as a life time achievements and in memoria tributes and call it a night at 1 hour, maybe 1.5 hours with some commercials and speeches.  

    • #48
  19. Mate De Inactive
    Mate De
    @MateDe

    What movies are nominated? I’m so checked out I don’t even know what movies are up for awards.

    • #49
  20. Jeff Hawkins Inactive
    Jeff Hawkins
    @JeffHawkins

    Mate De (View Comment):

    What movies are nominated? I’m so checked out I don’t even know what movies are up for awards.

    not out yet

    • #50
  21. The Cloaked Gaijin Member
    The Cloaked Gaijin
    @TheCloakedGaijin

    Jon Gabriel, Ed. (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Bob Hope and Johnny Carson.

     

    Failing that, Steve Martin.

    Best thing about Steve Martin is that he can’t hide his general contempt for the entire industry.

    Dennis Miller always said that the best host would be his friend Martin Short, also a great friend of Steve Martin. 

    Martin apparently loves and hates Hollywood with a certain dramatic, musical-like flair.

    • #51
  22. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    The Cloaked Gaijin (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed. (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Bob Hope and Johnny Carson.

     

    Failing that, Steve Martin.

    Best thing about Steve Martin is that he can’t hide his general contempt for the entire industry.

    Dennis Miller always said that the best host would be his friend Martin Short, also a great friend of Steve Martin.

    Martin apparently loves and hates Hollywood with a certain dramatic, musical-like flair.

    Have you seen the “Evening with Steve Martin and Martin Short” special on Netflix?  It’s a recording of the stage show they’ve been travelling the country with.  Pretty entertaining.

     

    • #52
  23. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    The Cloaked Gaijin (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed. (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Bob Hope and Johnny Carson.

     

    Failing that, Steve Martin.

    Best thing about Steve Martin is that he can’t hide his general contempt for the entire industry.

    Dennis Miller always said that the best host would be his friend Martin Short, also a great friend of Steve Martin.

    Martin apparently loves and hates Hollywood with a certain dramatic, musical-like flair.

    Dennis Miller would be a good choice too.

    Or David Spade, if he did the whole thing in his “Hollywood Minute” (or whatever the name was) character from SNL.

     

    • #53
  24. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Dennis Miller would be a good choice too.

    Or David Spade, if he did the whole thing in his “Hollywood Minute” (or whatever the name was) character from SNL.

    How about Martin Short doing it as Jiminy Glick?

    • #54
  25. The Cloaked Gaijin Member
    The Cloaked Gaijin
    @TheCloakedGaijin

    If they really wanted to mess with Kevin Hart, they should hire Emmanuel Lewis or Muggsy Bogues.

     

    • #55
  26. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Host? Gilbert Gottfried. 

    Me watch? Very no. 

    • #56
  27. Clifford A. Brown Member
    Clifford A. Brown
    @CliffordBrown

    Steve Harvey. Definitely Steve Harvey. You’d see viewership through the roof. I’d find some way to watch it streaming live. It would be the awards show version of a NASCAR race, everyone watching for the crashes.

    • #57
  28. Songwriter Inactive
    Songwriter
    @user_19450

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Dennis Miller would be a good choice too.

    Or David Spade, if he did the whole thing in his “Hollywood Minute” (or whatever the name was) character from SNL.

    How about Martin Short doing it as Jiminy Glick?

    I haven’t watched the Oscars in decades. Swore off it. But I might actually tune in to see that.

    • #58
  29. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    Songwriter (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Dennis Miller would be a good choice too.

    Or David Spade, if he did the whole thing in his “Hollywood Minute” (or whatever the name was) character from SNL.

    How about Martin Short doing it as Jiminy Glick?

    I haven’t watched the Oscars in decades. Swore off it. But I might actually tune in to see that.

    Or Ed Grimley.

     

    • #59
  30. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Songwriter (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Dennis Miller would be a good choice too.

    Or David Spade, if he did the whole thing in his “Hollywood Minute” (or whatever the name was) character from SNL.

    How about Martin Short doing it as Jiminy Glick?

    I haven’t watched the Oscars in decades. Swore off it. But I might actually tune in to see that.

    Or Ed Grimley.

    MFW, Song, & Flick,

    I vote for Jiminy Glick.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #60
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