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Drawing the Wrong Lessons – Bad Book Review Clickbait
Per some rather head-smackingly daft articles @titustechera has been bringing to my attention on Facebook (I’ll not link to them so as to spare the guilty), let’s have a game. The goal here is to come up with one or two sentence article titles on life lessons you can draw from classic or famous books or stories, but with a catch. You see, you must demonstrate that while your article title does indeed convey that the you may have read the story in question, you obviously did not understand it, and are instead trying to wring out whatever preconceived life lessons you think the story should have been about. Some starters are:
- A Christmas Carol: How hard work, thrift, and personal sacrifice allow generous philanthropy in old age.
- Wuthering Heights: How to stay true to yourself.
- Game of Thrones: How your siblings can help you get ahead in life.
- McTeague: How occupational licensing laws ruin lives.
- The Great Gatsby: The evolution of automotive safety.
- Tom Sawyer: How to leverage networking your friends to distribute workloads more evenly.
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: When to bring out your inner wolf to achieve success.
Have fun with this, and show no mercy to the ignorant.
Published in Humor
Tarzan of the Apes – The rich really are different.
Cotton Comes to Harlem: People of color declare: no more synthetic fabrics. No more chemicals on people’s skin.
The Winds of War: World War II could have been avoided if the world had switched from oil to wind power.
Primary Colors: Men should not run for president anymore. No exceptions except for charmers.
Ringworld — It’s better to be lucky than it is to be good.
Ringworld Engineers — Wait, no it isn’t.
That’s a good one.
Oh my god! I was going to use that one. Are you looking at my notes?
The French Lieutenant’s Woman – a cool accent gets the girls.
Fanny Hill – Girls just wanna have fun.
Barb Wire Heart – Tittle ix, criminal enterprise.
Tom Jones – Boys will be boys.
Drawing the Wrong Lessons — Bad Book Review Clickbait — Talented writer takes shortcut to Ricochet bestseller list, feels remorse afterward.
#FakeNews – I feel no remorse!
I’ve been trying never to laugh out loud, in order to avoid aggravating a minor injury. This medically reckless Comment has set my recovery back many weeks.
Pride and Prejudice: How gold-digging requires subtlety.
Mansfield Park: How cousins are the best lovers.
Emma: How it’s OK to love a 13-year-old girl, as long as you wait until she’s older.
How to win friends and influence people – insincerity and superficial charm is the quickest path to business success.
Moby Dick: We’re gonna need a bigger boat
or
Click here to learn the secret pagan rituals the old whaling captains don’t want you to know.
Little Women: If you are having trouble loving your siblings, make sure they have a few near death experiences.
The Count of Monte Cristo – Ex-con tells the tale of his time behind bars and how he found wealth, love and the Lord when rebuilding his life after prison.
Deliverance: Rural Americans have much to teach the urban elite about gender fluidity and inherent power structures in this musical tribute to banjo and bluegrass.
Not to mention otherkin.
Deliverance: The deplorables started it!
too funny
Out of Africa: Girls, I’m sure he’s cute. But get a VD test first, or make him wear a condom, or both. And if you’re an imperialist exercising white privilege in Occupied Azania, leave the country.
Taipai – Asian chicks are hot.
Shōgun — I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so.
The Gulag Archipelago — A review of compassionate, educational institutions of the USSR.
The Art of the Deal: Ghostwriters are worth their weight in gold-plated toilets.
Le Mort d’Artur: Infidelity is OK if you’re ranked in the top 10 knights for kickassery.
Bleak House – There’s nothing you can’t prolong with a good set of lawyers.
Stranger in a Strange Land: Diversity is our strength.
The Number of the Beast: how family road trips bring the whole family together. For sex.
I’m afraid to look that one up now.
My Left Foot – and where I wish I had parked it… (for @she) :-)