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Drawing the Wrong Lessons – Bad Book Review Clickbait
Per some rather head-smackingly daft articles @titustechera has been bringing to my attention on Facebook (I’ll not link to them so as to spare the guilty), let’s have a game. The goal here is to come up with one or two sentence article titles on life lessons you can draw from classic or famous books or stories, but with a catch. You see, you must demonstrate that while your article title does indeed convey that the you may have read the story in question, you obviously did not understand it, and are instead trying to wring out whatever preconceived life lessons you think the story should have been about. Some starters are:
- A Christmas Carol: How hard work, thrift, and personal sacrifice allow generous philanthropy in old age.
- Wuthering Heights: How to stay true to yourself.
- Game of Thrones: How your siblings can help you get ahead in life.
- McTeague: How occupational licensing laws ruin lives.
- The Great Gatsby: The evolution of automotive safety.
- Tom Sawyer: How to leverage networking your friends to distribute workloads more evenly.
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: When to bring out your inner wolf to achieve success.
Have fun with this, and show no mercy to the ignorant.
Published in Humor
Alternate:
How Fahrenheit 451 got me to watch more TV.
Animal Farm: Pigs are no worse than humans.
Merchant of Venice: An argument about the wording of a contract.
The Sword in the Stone: Furries might be on to something here …
Idylls of the King — Mind how you treat the help.
Lord of the Flies – A sobering tale on the importance of running effective team meetings and how even an idyllic academic retreat can turn chaotic when you lack a solid agenda.
Fahrenheit 451: A story about the superiority of audio books.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: The heart warming tale about the positive side effects of material acquisition.
Or: A story about the superiority of made-for-TV adaptations!
Or, a tale about deceptive job titles.
Fahrenheit 451: Its encouraging life lessons about the fire hazards of large book collections.
or
Fahrenheit 451: How to recruit the right people for the right job.
I think this is the winner because it works for both sides in the book.
The Iliad: Two guys arguing about who should get the girl.
Life Lessons of the Iliad, by Joel Osteen, argues that by propitiation of the rights deities, one can truly have it all: the girl, fame, fortune, and military success.
Vanity Fair — Becky Sharp’s quick wit and “can-do” attitude bring joy to everyone she encounters.
Crime and Punishment — Meddling girlfriend of former law student ruins his carefully constructed financial plans just as they are clearly working out. Yet he still finds it in his heart to take her on a long vacation with him to Eastern Russia.
1984: A description of an effective government education program.
The Grapes of Wrath
”you can cook a small meal in a big pot but you can’t cook a big meal in a small pot.”
an actual line from the book, and literally the only thing I remember about it.
Of Mice and Men – Raising Rabbits with Lenny, heartwarming lessons in life and love.
or
Of Mice and Men – Lessons in brotherly love with George.
Give me funny too much!
Now we have tripped the light fantastic.
Hamlet: Moody child ruins mother’s second marriage.
Macbeth: Naging wife convince husband to go for promotion.
I, Claudius – A celebration of the special needs community.
The larger social implications of cock-blocking.
1984: I Lost Ten Pounds a Week With the Big Brother TV Exercise Regimen! (Lose Belly Fat Even Faster With the Rattus Excitare™ Treatment!)
Bartleby the Scrivener – Without the Americans with Disabilities Act, scriveners are at risk.
New Testament – Multiple-perspective story of a tradesman who makes it big is a runaway bestseller.
The Tempest – How Prospero Got His Groove Back.
Bridges of Madison County – Become Irresistible to Women in Five Easy Photography Lessons!
Metamorphosis – The Forgotten Animorph Book!
An American Tragedy: Rich or poor, boy or girl, boating safety is up to you!
Gentlemen’s Agreement: Sometimes the simplest name change can be such a pain.
All About Eve: There’s an unbreakable sisterly bond between all women that transcends superficial things like beauty, fame, romantic jealousy and ambition.