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Fifty More Ways to Leave Your Lover
Does the song “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” annoy you? Good. There’s nothing like hate to get the creative juices flowing. Back in 1975, maybe it was edgy to hint that you were such a lover you needed to plan 50 escapes from your latest (no doubt cis-het) tryst. But these days? Bah. Much more creativity is required to extricate oneself from postmodern affairs of the heart. So…
Here are just a few new reasons for leaving your lover. Can you top them?
- ‘Cuz I’m wearing your girdle, Myrtle
- It’s because I’m a man, Stan
- I’m in love with your mom, Tom
- Interspecies romance, Vance
- ‘Cuz you voted for Trump, chump
- ‘Cuz you said, “I’m With Her,” cur
- You don’t wanna be poly, Mollie
- ‘Cuz I got a waifu, boo
- Gender bend when I want to
- It’s no longer taboo, Sue
How’d you set yourself free?
Published in Humor
Thank you sailor. New in town?
lol :)
Hello there, Funny Too Much! Whatcha done with Gabrielle?
Stand down, Gabrielle.
U R 2 fast 4 me (most if not all of the time).
Aye, aye sir!
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you think psychotically
I’d like to show you how to get away scot-free
There must be, fifty ways to off your lover
You know it’s really not my habit to sound dire
furthermore I hope the cops won’t come to think that I’ve conspired
But I’ll repeat myself, in the hopes that I’ll inspire
There must be, fifty ways to off your lover, fifty ways to off your lover
Just stab her in the back, Jack; smash her brain pan, Stan
Use a pick-ax, Max; just listen to me
Shoot a blunderbuss, Gus; don’t need to discuss much
Just dose up her tea, Lee; and get yourself free
You know it grieves me so to see you in distress
I wish there was something I could do to help you clean this mess
I said, I appreciate that, and would you please explain about the fifty ways
She said that with one corpse that she was ready for a break
And she believed that in the morning she might once again partake
Then she garroted me, and I realized, this was prob’ly a mistake
There must be, fifty ways to off your lover, fifty ways to off your lover
Just stab her in the back, Jack; smash her brain pan, Stan
Use a pick-ax, Max; just listen to me
Shoot a blunderbuss, Gus; don’t need to discuss much
Just dose up her tea, Lee; and get yourself free
That’s my last one.
lol, Dude, you are scary. :) Very funny, and scary, in a good way :)
answered prayer
That’s it, I demand satisfaction.
What would satisfaction look like for you? :)
I figure the Twins have to know other twins, so he could hook me up. Or triplets. That would be satisfying.
lol, I don’t think he shares, but you have nothing to lose by asking :)
Am I explaining why I am escaping from an ongoing illicit amorous relationship, or how I would make my escape?
btw dude, know the problem with triplets?
Fatigue?
Yes of course. They sometimes weaken but that was not my point.
Do tell.
…and you would know this because???
I have derailed this OP enough already. Bye for now.
Tsk tsk, making fun of a popular Paul Simon song.
Some would consider it sacrilege, Midge . . .
Duplicate post. Please ignore, AlGore . . .
You can’t derail a train wreck after the fact.
Oh, either.
I figured a sufficiently off-putting explanation to one’s paramour would break things off and permit escape.
“I’m headed out the door, ex-paramour.”
I don’t like that bun, hun.