Tag: sheep

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Neither conformity nor non-conformity are value propositions in and of themselves outside the context of the object or the impetus of the subject. To do as others do simply because others do is no more informative than not to do as others do simply because they do. The problem with conformity today as it reaches […]

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Entertaining Angels: The Lamb in the Living Room

 

I’ve written on this theme a couple of times before–Hebrews 13:2, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” That’s pretty much an ironclad rule for me, and although I can’t say I bat a thousand, my average when I get to the plate is high enough to make it worth my while. (Note well that in the foregoing sentence, She finally deploys a sports analogy, correctly, coherently, and consistently. Or so She believes. Perhaps there really is a first time for everything. If I messed it up somehow, please don’t burst my bubble.)

Today’s little angel entered my life last night. I was winding down and had donned my PJs, when I remembered that I’d forgotten to feed our two outside cats. So I took some Cat Chow outside, and as I was filling up their food and water bowls, I heard a terrified-sounding little voice floating up at me from the barn.

It takes a while, if you have sheep (or probably any livestock), but after a few go-rounds, you can actually distinguish the brand-spanky new lamb bleat from yesterday’s, or last week’s, brand-spanky new lamb bleat. There really is a difference, and when there’s a new one, you need to check. And pretty soon you find that you can distinguish the “I’m a happy little lamb with a loving mom, and lots of yummy milk!” conversation (the mother usually responds, quietly, with what’s sometimes called a ‘nicker’), from the “I’m OK, but I’m lost and I can’t find Mom anywhere, please help!” rather panicky-sounding little noises (usually accompanied by great bellows from the equally distraught mother), from the “I’m in real trouble, and perhaps getting a bit desperate” fading and terribly sad little sound with no response at all.

Fifty More Ways to Leave Your Lover

 

Does the song “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” annoy you? Good. There’s nothing like hate to get the creative juices flowing. Back in 1975, maybe it was edgy to hint that you were such a lover you needed to plan 50 escapes from your latest (no doubt cis-het) tryst. But these days? Bah. Much more creativity is required to extricate oneself from postmodern affairs of the heart. So…

Here are just a few new reasons for leaving your lover. Can you top them?

Ovine Psychology: Sheeplock Holmes Cracks the Case!

 

Well, cross that off the list. Chez She’s Sheep Shearing (good grief, try saying that five times fast after a few glasses of Laphroaig) is done for another year.

Almost thirty years ago, I attended my first sheep-shearing class, a three-day lollapalooza thrown by the County Extension Office at the local fairgrounds. Paid good money for it. Brought my new shears with me; the victims sheep were supplied by a local farm. I came home with the 24×36-inch “How to Shear Sheep” poster covered in useful illustrations, and with a whole bunch of newly-learned techniques, “It’s not a matter of strength, it’s a matter of balance!” “Control them with your knees–your knees!” “Bend at the hips, not from your back!” And, most important, “Keep your fingers out of the way of the blades!” (I’ve only violated this rule in a meaningful way once in the intervening three decades).

When we weren’t learning how to position ourselves at precisely the right balance point so that the slightest wobble on the part of the sheep would result in the two of us ending up on the ground with the electric cord wrapped tightly around us both while the three-inch cutters on the shears whirred madly back and forth at about 3000 strokes a minute a few inches from my eyes, we were learning all the things that we could possibly do wrong: “Don’t shear off the pizzle hair!!” “If it doesn’t appear to have a full set of the family jewels, make sure it’s a ewe, not a wether, before you start shearing off the belly wool!!” Watch out for the dingleberries!!” “Shear across the wrinkles, not parallel to them!!” And so on.