On Leaving Portland

 

Some of you know, but many may not, that @1967mustangman and I have left Portland, OR, for the greener pastures of Dayton, OH. While there are many things about Portland I miss (the food, Mustang’s family, my coworkers, the food, the mountains, the food…) it surprised me what a sense of relief I felt as we left the city limits. Driving a 22-foot diesel moving van was a learning experience — one which required asking @davecarter many questions on Facebook — but actually driving across this beautiful country helped remind me that there is life outside the dreary angst that progressives have created in Oregon. Wyoming and Nebraska were especially beautiful.

Perhaps the most noticeable difference is the lack of homeless people in Dayton. The winter weather is fairly inhospitable for living on the streets, and Dayton doesn’t really cotton to having homeless hanging out on street corners. Since we moved here, I have seen maybe four people asking for money on street corners. This is in stark contrast to the tent cities of Portland, where vagrancy is not only tolerated but accepted and supported. Because of that permissiveness, the freeways and under bridges are littered with trash, making the city look like a cross between Idiocracy and District 12 from The Hunger Games. Lest anyone think the homeless are harmless, I would invite you to read this, where the victim in question is my own sweet husband. To be fair, Ohio does have some of the highest heroin use in the country, but serious efforts are in place to stop the influx of drugs by the cartels. Meanwhile, at my hospital in Portland, a patient who denied any street drug use finally owned up to doing meth because, as he said, “I mean…everyone does a little meth…”

Since settling into our new place a month ago, my stress level has decreased dramatically. Oregon drivers are their own brand of special, and I’m no longer constantly angry and frustrated every time I drive down the street. I can get anywhere in the greater Dayton area in 20 minutes, as opposed to the 45 minutes it took me to commute to work at 6 am. Houses in Dayton are affordable, and the lots they’re built on are generally larger than the standard 8,000-square-foot lot in the suburbs of Portland. Why is that? Because there is no government-imposed urban growth boundary that causes people to be packed in like New Yorkers on a subway during rush hour. This also means that you can park your cars in your own driveway instead of on the street. A Portland building code makes garages and driveways just barely too small to fit two cars abreast. It is done to encourage people to give up one of their cars and utilize public transportation instead. I used to use the bus and Max system when I first moved there but had to stop when the bus going the hospital just didn’t show up a few mornings. You see the problem there. Because of the narrow driveways and garages, two car households are forced to park on the grass or on the street. The result is narrow streets that are a virtual slalom course when opposing traffic approaches. Driving in Portland is its own experience — there is a timidity to Oregon drivers that is infuriating to the rest of us. It is not at all uncommon for Oregonians to drive five miles under the speed limit on the freeway in the left lane! However, Ohio drivers are maniacs, a puzzling inconsistency with how nice everyone is.

People are nice here. I mean, very nice. Talk to you in the grocery store nice. Calling customer service at a local business and people are genuinely helpful nice. The kind of nice that people on the coasts don’t understand or value. When we broke the news of our impending move to friends of our in Portland, they also informed us of their move to Spain this summer. When we described how nice people in the Midwest are, the wife responded “It kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies. Plus I wouldn’t fit in, and I like my ethnic food too much. I think I would have a harder time adapting to Ohio than I would Spain.” When I explained how my new hospital had rolled out the red carpet for me during my interview, she said “Of course they did. There’s nothing else to look at amidst the flatness…” As someone who largely grew up in the South, it is that kind of dismissive contempt from coastal leftists that always made me feel like that girl in 7th grade with the headgear. The pretentiousness and false tolerance in Portland created a high-school-like environment of cool kids and losers.

Part of being new to Portland includes establishing one’s leftist bona fides — tattoos, unnatural hair colors, lefty bumper stickers, driving a Subaru, participating in marches, hiking, biking to work, and drinking kombucha. Ok, so I might drink kombucha … but I definitely did not measure up to Portland’s exacting standards of what’s acceptable. In fact, the mere fact that I came from the South and was open about my church attendance caused some coworkers to label me a racist, homophobic bigot without ever having one conversation with me. But as a college friend posted on Facebook this morning, that’s perfectly ok- conservatives do not deserve tolerance by the left. Since we left, Portland has continued its downward spiral into madness when 200 bikes at multiple Biketown stations were vandalized by a group saying “Our city is not a corporate amusement park.” Excuse me while I take some ibuprofen for my headache — it’s because of all the eye rolling. There’s no winning with the leftists of Portland. I guess being that woke precludes the ability to ever have any fun. It’s a miracle they ever emerge from their apartments- being that triggered at all times must be exhausting. But now I get to sit back and watch the crazy from afar, from the comfort of my new city where the traffic is light, people smile, and the children play in the yards of their houses that sit on an acre. So long, Portland!

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  1. Archie Campbell Member
    Archie Campbell
    @ArchieCampbell

    SkipSul (View Comment):
    And yes, Ohio State University is both a football team and an actual university, not just a state-religion (easy to get confused – you’ll learn about the team by osmosis even if you never watch a game).

    In front of my Columbus-born-and-bred wife I made the mistake of referring to the yearly ASU-Arizona game as a “rivalry.” She stared me down, and coldly and flatly said, “there is only one rivalry.” Even though my kids were born and raised in California, to them Michigan is “that team up north.”

    • #121
  2. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Welcome to America! But, seriously, how can you drink kombucha? It’s ghastly.

    I love it! I mean, you have to get a good flavor, but I love a good herbaceous kombucha with a slice or two of pizza from Whole Foods. Mustang and I used to go every other Thursday night for P&K as we called it. It was our thing.

    • #122
  3. Suspira Member
    Suspira
    @Suspira

    Archie Campbell (View Comment):
    She stared me down, and coldly and flatly said, “there is only one rivalry.”

    Oh, my goodness. She has apparently not experienced the Auburn-Alabama rivalry. Or, maybe, it isn’t so much a rivalry as a deeply-ingrained tribal hatred more on the level of the Arab-Israeli conflict, or the Visigoths and the Romans.

    • #123
  4. Suspira Member
    Suspira
    @Suspira

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Welcome to America! But, seriously, how can you drink kombucha? It’s ghastly.

    I love it! I mean, you have to get a good flavor, but I love a good herbaceous kombucha with a slice or two of pizza from Whole Foods. Mustang and I used to go every other Thursday night for P&K as we called it. It was our thing.

    Bless your heart.

    • #124
  5. JudithannCampbell Member
    JudithannCampbell
    @

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    • #125
  6. Locke On Member
    Locke On
    @LockeOn

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    Rotted tea.

    • #126
  7. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Archie Campbell (View Comment):
    She stared me down, and coldly and flatly said, “there is only one rivalry.”

    Oh, my goodness. She has apparently not experienced the Auburn-Alabama rivalry. Or, maybe, it isn’t so much a rivalry as a deeply-ingrained tribal hatred more on the level of the Arab-Israeli conflict, or the Visigoths and the Romans.

    There’s a really funny episode that highlights the Bama/Auburn rivalry in Hart of Dixie.

    Also, Roll Tide.

    • #127
  8. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    It’s fermented tea. 

    • #128
  9. JudithannCampbell Member
    JudithannCampbell
    @

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    It’s fermented tea.

    “Fermented”? I think I will pass, but there are stranger things :)

    • #129
  10. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    ctlaw (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):
    The fine folks in Ohio take serious umbrage at the license plates from you Carolina boys about who really is the home to the first in flight….

    That’s because the Wright brothers just did up and down, in a straight line, at Kitty Hawk. They came home and developed true flying, e.g., being able to turn.

    You have no idea how difficult that engineering challenge initially was (cough*wing warping*cough) ….and how the patent fight over that and every other thing about controlled flight, delayed US development for about 10 years. Thus giving the stinking French the naming rights to most of the initial innovative aviation feature such as “fuselage”, “ailerons”, “empennage”, “canard”, “pitot tube”. One could argue that “stabilizer” of which we have vertical and horizontal versions on airplanes are also of French roots…

    Lawyers always the bane to progress.

    Lawyers were not the problem.

    The problems were two-fold.

    First, like many inventors, the Wright Brothers were nutjobs. They were nutjobs who had their own incorrect ideas of patent law. That created an obsessive secrecy that greatly hindered them. 25 years later, another American nutjob, Robert Goddard, similarly sabotaged his own work, which is why von Braun is more famous.

    Second, they had the US government as a competitor. Nothing can stifle innovation like having the government as a competitor.

    I think you’re being unfair to Goddard.  Rocket development was expensive.  And of course the NYT didn’t helped with its ignorant mockery of him.

    • #130
  11. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    It’s fermented tea.

    “Fermented”? I think I will pass, but there are stranger things :)

    Sometime, try Brew Dr Kombucha in the flavor Love or Happiness. They’re floral, herbaceous, and effervescent- I think they’re really tasty, and they have tons of live culture bacteria for your GI flora, just like a good yogurt or probiotic.

    • #131
  12. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    Have you been to Skyline Chili?

    • #132
  13. GLDIII Reagan
    GLDIII
    @GLDIII

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    ctlaw (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):
    The fine folks in Ohio take serious umbrage at the license plates from you Carolina boys about who really is the home to the first in flight….

    That’s because the Wright brothers just did up and down, in a straight line, at Kitty Hawk. They came home and developed true flying, e.g., being able to turn.

    You have no idea how difficult that engineering challenge initially was (cough*wing warping*cough) ….and how the patent fight over that and every other thing about controlled flight, delayed US development for about 10 years. Thus giving the stinking French the naming rights to most of the initial innovative aviation feature such as “fuselage”, “ailerons”, “empennage”, “canard”, “pitot tube”. One could argue that “stabilizer” of which we have vertical and horizontal versions on airplanes are also of French roots…

    Lawyers always the bane to progress.

    Lawyers were not the problem.

    The problems were two-fold.

    First, like many inventors, the Wright Brothers were nutjobs. They were nutjobs who had their own incorrect ideas of patent law. That created an obsessive secrecy that greatly hindered them. 25 years later, another American nutjob, Robert Goddard, similarly sabotaged his own work, which is why von Braun is more famous.

    Second, they had the US government as a competitor. Nothing can stifle innovation like having the government as a competitor.

    I think you’re being unfair to Goddard. Rocket development was expensive. And of course the NYT didn’t helped with its ignorant mockery of him.

    It’s no use arguing with the Law, even if it is just a Ctlaw

    • #133
  14. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    GLDIII (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    ctlaw (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):
    The fine folks in Ohio take serious umbrage at the license plates from you Carolina boys about who really is the home to the first in flight….

    That’s because the Wright brothers just did up and down, in a straight line, at Kitty Hawk. They came home and developed true flying, e.g., being able to turn.

    You have no idea how difficult that engineering challenge initially was (cough*wing warping*cough) ….and how the patent fight over that and every other thing about controlled flight, delayed US development for about 10 years. Thus giving the stinking French the naming rights to most of the initial innovative aviation feature such as “fuselage”, “ailerons”, “empennage”, “canard”, “pitot tube”. One could argue that “stabilizer” of which we have vertical and horizontal versions on airplanes are also of French roots…

    Lawyers always the bane to progress.

    Lawyers were not the problem.

    The problems were two-fold.

    First, like many inventors, the Wright Brothers were nutjobs. They were nutjobs who had their own incorrect ideas of patent law. That created an obsessive secrecy that greatly hindered them. 25 years later, another American nutjob, Robert Goddard, similarly sabotaged his own work, which is why von Braun is more famous.

    Second, they had the US government as a competitor. Nothing can stifle innovation like having the government as a competitor.

    I think you’re being unfair to Goddard. Rocket development was expensive. And of course the NYT didn’t helped with its ignorant mockery of him.

    It’s no use arguing with the Law, even if it is just a Ctlaw

    I fought the law, and the law won.

    • #134
  15. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Archie Campbell (View Comment):

    SkipSul (View Comment):
    And yes, Ohio State University is both a football team and an actual university, not just a state-religion (easy to get confused – you’ll learn about the team by osmosis even if you never watch a game).

    In front of my Columbus-born-and-bred wife I made the mistake of referring to the yearly ASU-Arizona game as a “rivalry.” She stared me down, and coldly and flatly said, “there is only one rivalry.” Even though my kids were born and raised in California, to them Michigan is “that team up north.”

    While I was stationed in Connecticut, I had one neighbor who went to Ohio State and another who went to Michigan.  Every fall, we’d get together and watch The Game.  It was more fun watching those two go at each other than the football teams . . .

    • #135
  16. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Suspira (View Comment):
    She has apparently not experienced the Auburn-Alabama rivalry.

    Or Clemson-South Carolina.

    Or UNC-NCState (my alma mater)

    Or UNC-Duke (lots of schools hate UNC)

    Or Georgia-Georgia Tech

    Or Florida-Florida State

    The list is endless . . .

    • #136
  17. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Stad (View Comment):

    Suspira (View Comment):
    She has apparently not experienced the Auburn-Alabama rivalry.

    Or Clemson-South Carolina.

    Or UNC-NCState (my alma mater)

    Or UNC-Duke (lots of schools hate UNC)

    Or Georgia-Georgia Tech

    Or Florida-Florida State

    The list is endless . . .

    KU-Missouri. Like the OSU-Michigan rivalry, based in part on actual shootings between the sides.

    • #137
  18. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Stad (View Comment):

    Suspira (View Comment):
    She has apparently not experienced the Auburn-Alabama rivalry.

    Or Clemson-South Carolina.

    Or UNC-NCState (my alma mater)

    Or UNC-Duke (lots of schools hate UNC)

    Or Georgia-Georgia Tech

    Or Florida-Florida State

    The list is endless . . .

    GA-FL

     

    • #138
  19. ctlaw Coolidge
    ctlaw
    @ctlaw

    Richard Easton (View Comment):
    I think you’re being unfair to Goddard. Rocket development was expensive. And of course the NYT didn’t helped with its ignorant mockery of him.

    The NYT mockery clearly encouraged his nuttiness and isolation.

    Similarly, the Wright brothers’ pace of improvement after the original Flyer was abysmal.

    • #139
  20. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    Have you been to Skyline Chili?

    Not yet. Is it good?

    • #140
  21. GLDIII Reagan
    GLDIII
    @GLDIII

    ctlaw (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):
    I think you’re being unfair to Goddard. Rocket development was expensive. And of course the NYT didn’t helped with its ignorant mockery of him.

    The NYT mockery clearly encouraged his nuttiness and isolation.

    Similarly, the Wright brothers’ pace of improvement after the original Flyert was abysmal.

    I picked up David McCullough’s book on the Wright Bros in February when I visited Kitty Hawk, I find his treatment of history fairly balanced. I get back to you on that assessment. Most of my take on the Wright Bros in from short articles in Air & Space Magazine. So it is hard to get a broad scope of what was impacting their decision making.

    And now I apologize to VC for hijacking her post with this tangential aerospace babble.

    Go Ohio!

    • #141
  22. Suspira Member
    Suspira
    @Suspira

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Archie Campbell (View Comment):
    She stared me down, and coldly and flatly said, “there is only one rivalry.”

    Oh, my goodness. She has apparently not experienced the Auburn-Alabama rivalry. Or, maybe, it isn’t so much a rivalry as a deeply-ingrained tribal hatred more on the level of the Arab-Israeli conflict, or the Visigoths and the Romans.

    There’s a really funny episode that highlights the Bama/Auburn rivalry in Hart of Dixie.

    Also, Roll Tide.

    You’re dead to me! ;-)

    • #142
  23. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    Have you been to Skyline Chili?

    Not yet. Is it good?

    It’s a Cincinnati tradition.  Try it, I think you’ll like it.

    • #143
  24. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    It’s fermented tea.

    “Fermented”? I think I will pass, but there are stranger things :)

    Sometime, try Brew Dr Kombucha in the flavor Love or Happiness. They’re floral, herbaceous, and effervescent- I think they’re really tasty, and they have tons of live culture bacteria for your GI flora, just like a good yogurt or probiotic.

    Love and Happiness are not flavors, you hippie.  At least not that you’re going to make tea out of.

    • #144
  25. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Stad (View Comment):

    The list is endless . . .

    No, it’s really not.

    • #145
  26. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    JudithannCampbell (View Comment):

    I live on the east coast and have never heard of kombucha. What is it?

    It’s fermented tea.

    “Fermented”? I think I will pass, but there are stranger things :)

    Sometime, try Brew Dr Kombucha in the flavor Love or Happiness. They’re floral, herbaceous, and effervescent- I think they’re really tasty, and they have tons of live culture bacteria for your GI flora, just like a good yogurt or probiotic.

    Vicryl, I know you’ve not been through the mandatory training yet, so I am not going to say anything. 

    Well, ok, just one thing, to get you through the transition.  When you have thoughts like this, maybe just hang on to them till after the class.   SPOILER ALERT: In Cleveland, maybe you could get away with “herbaceous” in some neighborhoods, but they will cover all these fine points once you get into the later chapters of the Ohio Manual.

    • #146
  27. Columbo Inactive
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    Have you been to Skyline Chili?

    Not yet. Is it good?

    It’s a Cincinnati tradition. Try it, I think you’ll like it.

    • #147
  28. Nanda Pajama-Tantrum Member
    Nanda Pajama-Tantrum
    @

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Welcome to America! But, seriously, how can you drink kombucha? It’s ghastly.

    I love it! I mean, you have to get a good flavor, but I love a good herbaceous kombucha with a slice or two of pizza from Whole Foods. Mustang and I used to go every other Thursday night for P&K as we called it. It was our thing.

    Bless your heart.

    Now, now, @suspira. :-D

     

    • #148
  29. Nanda Pajama-Tantrum Member
    Nanda Pajama-Tantrum
    @

    Judge Mental (View Comment):
    Love and Happiness

    Yep, JM, it’s a song, isn’t it? :-)

    • #149
  30. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    C. U. Douglas (View Comment):

    Jules PA (View Comment):

    My most favorite post in a long time. (Not that there aren’t tonnes of posts I’ve enjoyed.)

    You bring happiness wherever you go. Leave the Portlanders to their own special crazy.

    Hey! I may be an expatriate Portlander with his own special kind of crazy, but I’m not … wait, was there a third thing?

    I did say special…that’s not all bad. 

    • #150
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