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Dressing for Success: Wrong?
The post on tattoos got me thinking. What is the difference between the ways we choose to dress, the ways in which we personally groom, and even tattoos? After all, see how women dress differently before and after Third-Wave Feminism.
It seems to me quite appropriate that people, who are in our society free to choose how they present themselves, are inviting judgment based on those choices. If one dresses Goth, one chooses to fit in with Goths. Everything from long hair to the color of our fingernails to whether or not we shower … they are all ways in which we signal to ourselves, and others, how we view them.
I merely use the data that people supply. A woman who dresses cheaply is telling us how she views herself, and telling others the same thing — which helps everyone to prioritize how they invest their time. Someone who does not shower either lacks a sense of smell, friends who care about them, or any desire to attract people who don’t care for body odour.
Are my preferences really as @phenry labeled them: “Judgemental, closed minded, and full of a sense of superiority?”
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That’s a bit of judgmental stereotyping, is it not?
Really! That is refreshing to hear. But you must admit that is the exception, rather than the norm these days?
I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has worn makeup in 17 years of marriage. Just sayin’
In greater seriousness: The common message I’ve received from this thread is that the care taken in your personal appearance matters and it inevitably ‘places’ you in various social buckets. And this placement is intended by those who dress in various ways. Suits or torn jeans send different messages – and if you send a message that doesn’t meet the message a hiring manager is expecting, don’t expect to get an offer. In college, I wore logging boots and a kippa to a Arthur Anderson interview – it wasn’t going to go anywhere and that was fair. I wasn’t a fit.
Tattoos, of course, are really remarkably different than clothes. This is because they aren’t removable. Unlike skin-color, they are an acquired mark and one that can rob us of our ability to adjust for the settings and places in life we find ourselves.
It is critical to see past skin color. It is far less important to see past tattoos. They are, after all, a choice.
For religious reasons, I will never have a tattoo – unless forced.
Well, maybe. My 91 yr old mother in a nursing home still wants a lipstick.
Yeah, I guess it is. But judgmental stereotyping is good, right? Something to be proud of!
Stereotypes exist for a reason. Like I said in one of my comments, I can have some assumptions about someone based on their outward appearance, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be a jackwagon to them, or that I should stand by my assumptions even after I get to know them. Especially when it comes to tattoos, people generally get them because they have some kind of meaning. If someone has a chest tattoo that says “MS-13 for life”, I think it’s fair to assume that they are a memeber of Ms-13, or they at least support the gang. That says a lot to me. I’m not being evil and judgemental- I’m being discerning. Judgement is not necessarily a bad thing. Where it becomes a bad thing is when we allow our preconceptions to override our experience of that person after we get to know them.
I don’t think he meant you.
Please take nothing I have said as meaning I think something like that is acceptable or unworthy of judgement. I am talking about butterflies and the like.
If you tattoo hate on your skin, then you have done something way beyond getting a tattoo.
Absolutely. But also take Hannah Shaw- the Kitten Lady. She is covered chest to feet in tattoo- many of which are cats and other animals. Looking at her tattoos, it’s a fair assumption that she really likes animals. With the extent to which she is tatted up, one might also assume that she lives in a more liberal urban settting, is vegetarian, isn’t married, and doesn’t have kids. All of those are true, except for living in an urban setting- she moved to the suburbs so she could afford a bigger house for rescuing kittens. Some assumptions are right, some are wrong. If I were to say “oh she must be a druggie whore because she has all those tattoos” that’s a little different. I think there’s such a thing as flexible stereotyping- you can have preconceived ideas about someone based on the visual input you get from them, but then you adjust your perceptions of the person once you get to know them.
This is just right.
We can’t not make snap judgements, but they must be subject to revision – as opposed to second guessing. First impressions are often correct, stereotypes exist because they have or had some measure of truth to them, and, if you are in search of a mate in a group setting, you can’t simultaneously flirt with everyone present; you have to start somewhere and that requires triage based on superficial weeding assumptions.
The reverse position – ignoring your instincts and preferences – will land you in unnecessary trouble far more often than following them.
For me, this ones’ on the 2018 “A” list of articles. Thx.
Wish I had gotten here earlier…
The following would apply to those seeking a promotion, altho when people arrive at a company for an interview for a new position, this might be considered as well.
Writer and columnist Digby Anderson once said that “today’s sartorial leanings of contrived dishevelment are stultifying, and extremely and utterly predictable.” Though doubtful those dressing this way would agree. He says “a beautifully cut traditional suit is a symbol of respect for yourself and also of power and good taste when one bears in mind that one should dress for status rather than function.”
Volumes have been written, seminars abound. Let’s just summarize this quickly:
and for half the reading audience –
https://goo.gl/images/dPukt9
Hysterical – I love it!!!
Read this wonderful story about lipstick and some women released from the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. :-)
I believe the story. But lipstick just doesn’t resonate with me.
…in the 1930s-40s, though… :-O
Now you are just personalizing it. We all have bias its rather natural. I just pick African clothing because I thought it offered an interesting visual contrast.
If you can’t accept that people have bias, some that they may be aware of and some they may not, that is fine. Its wrong but you are not a racist.
Though in the future if you think someone is calling you a racist. Responding with what essential amounts to “I have friends who have black friends!” Is not the best line.
You cut me deep Amy….😉
“I have black friends” is a perfectly valid refutation of the despicable charge of racism.
Hopefully, we’re beyond that. Though I’m beginning to wonder.
Is there any particular passage or rule against it? Legit curious.
Leviticus 19:28 for a start.
I believe he was referring to the German habit of tattooing Jewish inmates of the concentration camps.
Mitchell Messom (View Comment):
Is there any particular passage or rule against it? Legit curious.
I was referring to the “unless forced” part.
Oh sorry, question was directed at the wrong person.
Thanks, its interesting that many of the translations use the word “tattoo”. With my limited understanding was introduced to the English language in 1700’s when referring to the inking of skin. There is a prior unrelated meaning of tattoo such as drumming or tapping.
Yes. I am sure the old KJV used a different term.
Good to know.