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The Double Standard of Miller/Delgado
I tend to change the channel when former Trump campaign spokesman Jason Miller appears on a CNN panel. This is not due to his opinions or dedication to an administration I abhor, but because it’s difficult to separate his on-air commentary from the knowledge of his affair with fellow Trump staffer AJ Delgado. His continued presence in the public eye is a pointed reminder that despite the adage “it takes two to tango” — in this case, it appears that only one participant is forced to suffer the professional consequences.
At this point, many lurid details of their relationship have become public knowledge. Delgado says that Miller claimed he was separated from his wife when they began their relationship. He has kept mostly quiet regarding the specific circumstances, though now-published text messages indicate ongoing involvement rather than a one-night stand (as initial rumors suggested). Whatever the circumstances may be, it resulted in the birth of a baby boy who did not ask to be the center of a public custody dispute with both parents demanding the other receive mental health screenings amid accusations of libel and abuse.
Despite both parties being highly visible and vocal supporters of the President during his 2016 campaign — as well as members of the transition team — neither one made it to the White House. Miller was the first pick to be Communications Director and declined the offer only two days later to “spend time with his family” after his infidelity became news. But Miller ended up doing just fine. He went on to join advisory firm Teneo Strategy, became a regular political contributor on CNN, and still visits the White House on occasion to offer his expertise.
Yet Delgado has all but disappeared. Now she’s back in her Miami hometown doing “non-profit legal work” with no more almost-nightly appearances on Hannity, no more pieces in the Wall Street Journal, and no more trips to Trump Tower. Whatever one may think of her choice to publicize details of the ongoing legal proceedings on Twitter, there’s something rather uneven in how their political careers shook out.
Try to set aside who is to be believed and try to set aside one’s opinion of who is in the wrong. Instead, ask why it is that Miller is on cable news several nights a week while Delgado is absent after so much prior airtime. Ask why Miller has the administration’s ear still while Delgado has been made a persona non grata. Ask why Delgado deactivated her social media for nearly a year after being flooded by abuse by those too happy to point out that an affair is inconsistent with “family values.” Ask why only Delgado is called a “whore,” “slut,” and “homewrecker” by gleeful trolls while Miller gets a shrug from the media and keeps his marriage.
Some will say there’s an imbalance in qualifications that led to these lopsided results. But Delgado’s background has not suddenly changed since becoming a mother. Parenthood has not altered the very same résumé that had brought her to the Trump campaign and to so many talk shows. She continues to work while raising their son, so it’s not a matter of electing to drop out of the workforce to stay at home.
The repercussions to Delgado’s political career suggest something deeper than all that. This episode highlights something inherently rotten in our culture that continues to blame women solely for sexual indiscretions. Much like Hamlet’s Ophelia who was urged to “get thee to a nunnery,” Delgado has been banished from the political sphere even though it’s obvious that an affair requires mutual participation. She went from being everywhere to being absolutely nowhere in the space of a few months.
Even though our news media claims to be enlightened to the struggles women face after it was forced to cope with the #MeToo fallout, that same media continues to play a role in placing far harsher punishment on only one participant — the one who has to experience the most visible physical consequences of sex. This is the very same media that flirts with the idea of giving self-professed male sexual abusers a chance to redeem themselves. Yet they can’t be bothered to book a female commentator due to her sin of participating in a consensual sexual relationship that happened to result in pregnancy.
It’s a curious thing that in this supposedly enlightened time of societal self-reflection we still refuse to forgive a single woman for making an error in judgment. Perhaps that woman “should have known better,” but so should have the man with a wife at home. It’s disgraceful that Delgado has been dropped by the networks who loved having her on previously while Miller gets away relatively scot-free.
Of course, there can be reasons we don’t know about that may explain why Delgado has been ostracized. On its face, however, it seems that the same contradicting expectations apply: “boys will be boys” while women are expected to be sexual puritans. The man keeps his marriage, keeps making big bucks, keeps his White House connections, and keeps his visibility — and the woman ends up with next to nothing.
We may be getting closer to some sort of cultural awakening, but clearly we have a very long way to go.
Skyler Mann is a mother and professional who moonlights as a political commentator. She was a managing editor and a host for the Pocket Full of Liberty podcast. She has a BA in philosophy from Columbia University and can be found on Twitter at @sevenlayercake.
Published in General, Journalism
I’m dying over here.
I think you’ve got it wrong, brother: They don’t want women to be barred from it, they want men to have to participate in it. “Okay, Mr. Stephens, we know you’re big on that whole bible-y, God thing, so you got a waiver on the carmine lipstick. You’re now authorized to downshift to bubblegum lip gloss. But make sure it matches your accessories. Like your purse. And shoes. Oh, and since you were given a pass on the lipstick, your request for waiver on the flats has been denied. Heels are a must.”
Sorry, @bryangstephens, didn’t mean to go off on a tear putting you in drag. I know you’re a tophat/tails/walking stick kind of guy.
OK, y’all don’t want to be serious, fine.
I will withdraw from the discusion.
See how no one wants to talk about reality? Not even conservatives.
I don’t know about the women, but I’m sure aroused.
Like I said, I have that effect on women. Every. Day.
Seriously, though: heels are definitely a must. Some things you just don’t joke about.
When discussion is possible within the venue, discuss. When weak sauce is thrown out there, turn it into a joke. Discussing/debating weak sauce only leads to ideological/rhetorical ambush and stereotyping.
Something smart people on Ricochet taught me.
Oh, except they’re banned now.
Oops.
Ditto.
So the doctors didn’t beat all the infections, afterall.
I was asked by one of the editors of this site to write this piece as some food for thought. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, however this comment doesn’t appear to offer very much of it. Sorry to disappoint.
Amazing. Of course, it is unfair that Delgado is subject to a career double standard.
But also, what on earth was she doing stepping out with a total scumbag? Any guy who would try to seduce a woman with the excuse “we’re getting a divorce….”- in other words, he was married, period- proves that he is a total scumbag. Smart women do not hang out with total scumbags, let alone get impregnated by them.
Both of them should pay a price for their classless decisions; here it appear that only one of them is paying, and Miller’s wife is also paying because she is still with the slimeball. Yecch.
Except that we don’t know that at all.
This is a perfectly good topic for Ricochet. or anywhere.
I don’t care too much about the OP, but the comments made my time in this thread worthwhile!
;D
Ah, we do have some great minds on Ricochet!
I think it’s even simpler. I don’t think Delgado was blackballed or otherwise pushed out of the loop, at least not from TV. She’s an attractive woman and TV would rather have her than him.
No, the answer is just that she is taking care of the child on her own. She went to Miami because her extended family is there. They can provide her companionship, emotional support and free babysitting. A regular TV gig would likely require her to be in New York, LA or DC.
Maybe there’s some sexism in the Trump administration and the larger Trumpism community that’s blaming her for the first of many embarrassing controversies, but no cultural view of the sexes is driving either of their careers. The TV viewing public really has no idea about the backgrounds of either of these people.
I certainly have no problem with the piece appearing here, and am trying to figure out why its “theme” rankles. The first place to start is to recognize that, while it’s “food for thought,” it also advances a perspective. It’s not neutral/balanced, and it’s likely that you don’t think that it should be under the circumstances.
So this brings us to the realm of man/cad and woman/victim, exacerbated by claims of disparate treatment. As a general matter, I’m rather tired of that whole thing, and I say that as someone (male) who has spent many years in the modern workplace, working with and for women. I have little knowledge of Miller and no reason to accord him any degree of respect whatsoever. As for Ms. Delgado, she made decisions as an adult, as many women do. There are consequences. There are also a significant amount of variables at work here, some of which she is a party to. If we’re going to continue to assault the patriarchy, there are likely better avenues.
I just want to add one more thing, no doubt unnecessary, but I honestly had never heard of either one of these people or this ugly little gossip until you wrote this article.
The baby says,”Hi.”
Stipulating the circumstances as described in the OP, what is the remedy? Yes, the outcome is unbalanced, unfair, etc. Should we remake society to ensure equal outcomes? One price of liberty is unfairness; perhaps it can be culturally mitigated, but (it would seem) not forever.
That feature has been requested before, it would probably save them some members from leaving or not renewing.
I was thinking the same. Who’s dictating the outcomes here?
This is the meat of it. If women want to be treated equally, we need to recognize that we have equal responsibility for our actions and choices. So the putative father wants custody? Why not quit fighting, give it to him, and move on with the career? That’s equality.
However, women, for biological and/or social reasons, lose it emotionally when such a solution is suggested (I sure would!). That’s why, unfortunately, the consequences bar is tougher on women – the emotions are involved. And this is why we will never have the pure equality demanded by feminists. We should recognize the emotional and physical differences between the sexes, be very aware of how, therefore, consequences affect the sexes differently, and stop treating women as somehow lesser, weaker, more prone to being victims than men.
But look at me, talking sense.
I tried it once, but the results were less than optimal.
I wish I could have my career destroyed and make $120k/year.
Delgado must be personality disordered or something, because she obviously hit the lottery with her gene pool.
IMO, it’s unfortunate that there’s was no further attempt to engage by the author. Although I noticed the “contributor” status accorded to someone with whom I’m not familiar, I’m also not sure referencing editorial recruitment is particularly helpful without more.
Late to the discussion but…
I muted Delgado on Twitter way back in 2015 because she was such an obnoxious Trump supporter. (I also muted several obnoxious male Trump supporters, so it wasn’t a sexist thing.) I’ve never heard of the Miller guy, but he sounds like a real
winnerDB. It looks like AJ has gotten the short end of the stick here, and that sucks for her. That said, there are times that it’s the guy that gets screwed in these kinds of affairs. (Figuratively as well as literally.) Delgado burned a lot of bridges in the primaries and election, and I suspect that hasn’t helped her now. That said, I would suspect she’ll come out of this all right in the end. She’s smart and hard-working. Maybe she won’t be famous and getting TV appearances all the time, but that’s true for 99.9% of the world.