Should Aziz Ansari’s Accuser Be Exposed?

 

Over at TheDirty.com, the accuser and source of the Aziz Ansari story published at Babe has been identified. In the headline to the piece the woman is named, and the writer explains “[she] does not deserve to be anonymous.”

For someone who writes their opinion online for a living, and has penned many articles about the #MeToo movement and sexual abuse and harassment over the years, I find myself at a loss. Should Ansari’s accuser be publicly named and should she experience the same firestorm she inflicted upon a guy she went on one bad date with?

Immediately after the story broke, I wrote here about how outrageous the story was at the time; which amounted to revenge porn after a bad date. Writing for The Federalist, my colleague and friend Mary Katharine Ham quoted Caitlin Flanagan, who called it “3000 words of revenge porn” in The Atlantic:

The clinical detail in which the story is told is intended not to validate her account as much as it is to hurt and humiliate Ansari. Together, the two women may have destroyed Ansari’s career, which is now the punishment for every kind of male sexual misconduct, from the grotesque to the disappointing.

Ham and I discussed it at length on our podcast LadyBrains that week as well. 

But does all of this mean she deserves to be not only exposed, but also exposed to the hot white light of social media scrutiny that this kind of story generates? That’s where I’m torn.

The precedent is a frightening one for any woman who may be considering coming forward. In order to feel safe coming out against predatory men, many women feel it necessary to have the safety, for personal and professional reasons, to do so anonymously.

It’s a fine line to walk: on one hand, a man is entitled to face his accuser and attempt to clear his name, but on the other, women need to feel as though they can come forward without becoming known as a victim their entire lives.

Once upon a time, journalistic standards would have given men some of this opportunity. Journalists would have done their due diligence to verify stories and give men the opportunity to respond with a comment. That was then, and now we have stories like the Duke lacrosse case, Rolling Stone, and now Babe.

And what about Babe, anyway? Also writing at the Atlantic, Flanagan raked the small site over the coals. She writes,

Like many news and information websites created by young women, Babe publishes many stories on sexual assault. But unlike most other such outfits, it also runs stories about the pleasure of rape fantasies. Feminists have fought for years to keep the notion of rape fantasy as far as it could possibly get from actual reports of sexual assault. But those were feminists who gave a [expletive]. Babe gleefully, witlessly runs angry pieces about sexual assault as part of the same cotton-candy pink, swirling galaxy as the ones that describe the pleasures of fantasizing about rape. The site has devoted many pixels to explaining to readers how enjoyable and common these fantasies are.

It’s a tough question to answer; if Ansari’s accuser should have been exposed, and one I don’t have an answer to. Clearly, Babe was at fault for publishing her account, but given what we now know of them, it’s clear that their Ansari hitjob was far from the worst thing they’ve ever published. With journalism where it is; where anyone can publish anything, should it also be fair game for those who wish to expose those who peddle in revenge porn masked as a compelling accounting of sexual misconduct or assault?

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  1. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Stad (View Comment):
    I can understand why a woman wouldn’t come forward after a rape and report it (for multiple reasons), but they have a moral obligation to do so to prevent other women from experiencing the same horror. It wouldn’t surprise me that some time in the future, a new rape victim will sue an earlier rape victim by the same man for not reporting it.

    Is it common knowledge that it’s possible to file a report with the police but request they not press charges? I have done that, for the reason you describe.

    • #31
  2. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    The woman has no right to privacy, but no one other than the other party in this encounter has any business revealing her name or airing what is, in truth, a private bit of dirty laundry between two consenting adults.

    Disagree. The woman does have a right to privacy. Up until she abrogates that right by making it public. It is now no longer a private bit of dirty laundry. The rest of us now have an interest in discouraging her behavior and revealing the woman’s name is our recourse.

    • #32
  3. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Exposed by whom?

    If Ansari wants to file a defamation suit then the answer is that her name will be exposed as a matter of law.

    Any other government attempts to violate her privacy are out of line.

    Ethical reporters won’t track down and publish her name.

    But they don’t have to, there are all sorts of people with the savvy to find her and an entire internet to publish on – the same internet she used.

    Once the champions of exposure have served up her name, the ethical reporters spike it over the net.

    ‘Should’ hardly enters into it.

    My gut feeling is that the outing of an anonymous person who has written something objectionable may appeal in cosmic justice-y kind of way, once you factor in the sheer power of a weaponized internet’s Worst Person in the World Death Beam the punishment is too outsized for a mortal human being.

    OTOH, Nierman’s kind of cute in a girl-next-door way and as a netizen I have the right to a jpeg of whatever I search for.

    • #33
  4. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    TBA (View Comment):
    My gut feeling is that the outing of an anonymous person who has written something objectionable may appeal in cosmic justice-y kind of way, once you factor in the sheer power of a weaponized internet’s Worst Person in the World Death Beam the punishment is too outsized for a mortal human being.

    Isn’t that a two way street though? If you expect privacy then respect privacy. Why are we talking about Nierman as if she was just randomly caught up in some injustice? This all in her lap, of her own conscious doing.

    • #34
  5. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    The woman has no right to privacy, but no one other than the other party in this encounter has any business revealing her name or airing what is, in truth, a private bit of dirty laundry between two consenting adults.

    Disagree. The woman does have a right to privacy. Up until she abrogates that right by making it public. It is now no longer a private bit of dirty laundry. The rest of us now have an interest in discouraging her behavior and revealing the woman’s name is our recourse.

    Well, I’ll happily wave my interest to know about the woman. If this kind of thing becomes common, then we can deal with it. In the meantime, it all feels voyeuristic and prurient to me — a private mess elevated to viral status by virtue of it containing celebrity sex.

    • #35
  6. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    Well, I’ll happily wave my interest to know about the woman.

    That isn’t the interest I was referring to. The rest of us have an interest in discouraging the behavior consisting of making private things public.

    • #36
  7. Henry Racette Member
    Henry Racette
    @HenryRacette

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    Henry Racette (View Comment):
    Well, I’ll happily wave my interest to know about the woman.

    That isn’t the interest I was referring to. The rest of us have an interest in discouraging the behavior consisting of making private things public.

    No, I understood your point. And, if this happened a lot, I’d probably agree. But the question of the original post was whether or not this particular woman should have her name published. Given how rare this is, and how stupid and petty the whole matter is, I’ll stand by my original answer in #5: No, not unless Ansari feels like doing it.

    • #37
  8. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):
    My gut feeling is that the outing of an anonymous person who has written something objectionable may appeal in cosmic justice-y kind of way, once you factor in the sheer power of a weaponized internet’s Worst Person in the World Death Beam the punishment is too outsized for a mortal human being.

    Isn’t that a two way street though? If you expect privacy then respect privacy. Why are we talking about Nierman as if she was just randomly caught up in some injustice? This all in her lap, of her own conscious doing.

    Unfair as it is, Ansari is a public figure and she wasn’t (I suppose she is now).

    • #38
  9. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    TBA (View Comment):

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):
    My gut feeling is that the outing of an anonymous person who has written something objectionable may appeal in cosmic justice-y kind of way, once you factor in the sheer power of a weaponized internet’s Worst Person in the World Death Beam the punishment is too outsized for a mortal human being.

    Isn’t that a two way street though? If you expect privacy then respect privacy. Why are we talking about Nierman as if she was just randomly caught up in some injustice? This all in her lap, of her own conscious doing.

    Unfair as it is, Ansari is a public figure and she wasn’t (I suppose she is now).

    OK, but Nierman’s story wasn’t public. She chose to make it so. Why isn’t her default privacy forfeit – by her own action?

    • #39
  10. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    TBA (View Comment):

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):
    My gut feeling is that the outing of an anonymous person who has written something objectionable may appeal in cosmic justice-y kind of way, once you factor in the sheer power of a weaponized internet’s Worst Person in the World Death Beam the punishment is too outsized for a mortal human being.

    Isn’t that a two way street though? If you expect privacy then respect privacy. Why are we talking about Nierman as if she was just randomly caught up in some injustice? This all in her lap, of her own conscious doing.

    Unfair as it is, Ansari is a public figure and she wasn’t (I suppose she is now).

    Abby Nierman made herself into a public figure.

    The NYT had an excellent piece on her attack.  She had a bad date, and assumed that the man was a mind-reader.

    • #40
  11. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):
    My gut feeling is that the outing of an anonymous person who has written something objectionable may appeal in cosmic justice-y kind of way, once you factor in the sheer power of a weaponized internet’s Worst Person in the World Death Beam the punishment is too outsized for a mortal human being.

    Isn’t that a two way street though? If you expect privacy then respect privacy. Why are we talking about Nierman as if she was just randomly caught up in some injustice? This all in her lap, of her own conscious doing.

    Unfair as it is, Ansari is a public figure and she wasn’t (I suppose she is now).

    OK, but Nierman’s story wasn’t public. She chose to make it so. Why isn’t her default privacy forfeit – by her own action?

    Yes.

    • #41
  12. Ansonia Member
    Ansonia
    @Ansonia

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):
    I can understand why a woman wouldn’t come forward after a rape and report it (for multiple reasons), but they have a moral obligation to do so to prevent other women from experiencing the same horror. It wouldn’t surprise me that some time in the future, a new rape victim will sue an earlier rape victim by the same man for not reporting it.

    Is it common knowledge that it’s possible to file a report with the police but request they not press charges? I have done that, for the reason you describe.

    I don’t think that is common knowledge, and it should be.

    • #42
  13. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Ed G. (View Comment):

     

    OK, but Nierman’s story wasn’t public. She chose to make it so. Why isn’t her default privacy forfeit – by her own action?

    For the same reason that if you were to post something a lot of people found objectionable, said post was to make it to the Main Feed and from there all over the internet, and your post became a huge cultural flashpoint I wouldn’t want you to be doxxed. You are Ed G. in Chicago on Ricochet and not a complete name, address, and work telephone number for a reason.

    Nierman isn’t the first star-redactor to ‘kiss’ and tell and she won’t be the last. Her exposure can be considered poetic justice, First Testament justice, or just desserts.

    But not plain old justice. At least not the way I understand it.

    • #43
  14. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    TBA (View Comment):

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    OK, but Nierman’s story wasn’t public. She chose to make it so. Why isn’t her default privacy forfeit – by her own action?

    For the same reason that if you were to post something a lot of people found objectionable, said post was to make it to the Main Feed and from there all over the internet, and your post became a huge cultural flashpoint I wouldn’t want you to be doxxed. You are Ed G. in Chicago on Ricochet and not a complete name, address, and work telephone number for a reason.

    Nierman isn’t the first star-redactor to ‘kiss’ and tell and she won’t be the last. Her exposure can be considered poetic justice, First Testament justice, or just desserts.

    But not plain old justice. At least not the way I understand it.

    There’s a big difference between objectionable and personally ruinous though.

    • #44
  15. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    Plus, it’s not as if she’s being unfairly caught up in the vagaries of modern life. She chose to make the private public.

    As far as justice, I make no claims to any of the flavors you mention. But I do claim that being able to make publicly ruinous claims about someone without having to face examination is plain old unjust. I don’t know how the account can be examined without knowing who is making them.

    • #45
  16. iWe Coolidge
    iWe
    @iWe

    Anyone can now anonymously slander anyone else. There are no gatekeepers who credibly can vet these allegations.

    I think that anyone who blackens someone else’s name extra-judicially should be held liable for their words.   Either handle things using the tools provided by the legal system, or stay quiet and move on with your life.

    Whether or not Ansari really is a slimeball is irrelevant. Did he commit a crime? That is the standard, and it should be judged in the legal system, not the court of public opinion.

     

    • #46
  17. Patrick McClure, My Mother's … Coolidge
    Patrick McClure, My Mother's …
    @Patrickb63

    iWe (View Comment):
    Anyone can now anonymously slander anyone else. There are no gatekeepers who credibly can vet these allegations.

    I think that anyone who blackens someone else’s name extra-judicially should be held liable for their words. Either handle things using the tools provided by the legal system, or stay quiet and move on with your life.

    Whether or not Ansari really is a slimeball is irrelevant. Did he commit a crime? That is the standard, and it should be judged in the legal system, not the court of public opinion.

    But since the Court of Public Opinion is always in session, exposing the anonymous accuser is the only way to hold them liable.

    • #47
  18. Patrick McClure, My Mother's … Coolidge
    Patrick McClure, My Mother's …
    @Patrickb63

    Edit- duplicate.

    • #48
  19. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Please allow me to restate/reframe: does anyone here believe that he is personally entitled to the name of the woman who made the anonymous post regarding sex and the accompanying RoEs with Ansari? If so, why?

    • #49
  20. Patrick McClure, My Mother's … Coolidge
    Patrick McClure, My Mother's …
    @Patrickb63

    TBA (View Comment):
    Please allow me to restate/reframe: does anyone here believe that he is personally entitled to the name of the woman who made the anonymous post regarding sex and the accompanying RoEs with Ansari? If so, why?

    No, I don’t think I am personally entitled to this information.  But the accuser is not entitled to her anonymity either.  So if someone chooses to expose her, I do not find that wrong.  She chose to change the RoEs, and should not be surprised that the new rules apply to her also.

    • #50
  21. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    TBA (View Comment):
    Please allow me to restate/reframe: does anyone here believe that he is personally entitled to the name of the woman who made the anonymous post regarding sex and the accompanying RoEs with Ansari? If so, why?

    Yes, especially if he files suit officially. I think so because I believe that the right to confront your accuser, cross examine, and a presumption of innocence are not merely legal concepts. I believe those are general principles of just treatment, and Lord knows the courts don’t have a monopoly on that.

    But I also agree with Patrick above: she is not entitled to anonymity once she chose to pierce the veil which I hope protects us all.

    • #51
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