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Ask Uncle Max: Schmuck, Putz, or Schlong?
Dear Uncle Max,
An old friend from New York was talking about a time I was cheated, and he said I got “schlonged.” Can you explain what that means? Also, why does Yiddish have so many different words for the same thing — schmuck, putz, schlong? How can I tell which one to use?
–Midwestern Methodist
Dear Midwestern Methodist,
He said you got what? “Schlonged”? What kind of farkakte word is that? Whoever said it doesn’t speak Jewish and doesn’t know from what he’s talking about. It reminds me of that putz Macmillan who lived downstairs from us in Flatbush. He was always trying to show he knew Jewish words, and always getting them wrong. Once he told me his shiksas were in a knot because he was farblunget. Actually, you know what? Maybe he wasn’t so wrong.
Anyway, let’s start at the start. It’s not like English, where these words talk about a mean person. In Jewish, a schmuck and a putz are both about stupid people. The difference is that a schmuck is out for number one, and a putz doesn’t know his kop from his tuches. The guy who cuts you off in traffic to get home 10 seconds earlier is a schmuck. The guy who races ahead to the stop light is a putz. That guy Spitzer, who was always thinking with his schlong — he’s a schmuck. That guy Weiner who was sending pictures of his schmekel over the texting — he’s a putz. Capisce?
So about this New York friend. He sounds like he says things he doesn’t understand. Maybe he pretends to be smarter than he is? You should be careful with your friends. A putz is harmless, but a schmuck can give you tsuris.
Now leave me alone.
–Uncle Max
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Published in General
You should grow like an onion with your head in the ground, and you should only pish borsht.
I just started my third year studying Yiddish, and it continues to delight.
I’m impressed! Good job!
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I think Yiddish has an “o,” and German has an “a.”
This is one of the best twitter hashtags ever. There’s a lot of funny stuff there.
This is a tweet that sounds funny, but if you think about it, it’s clearly not true.
Cat Ballou
@Catballou
A schlong in the hand is worth two in the bush. #ReplaceAwordWithSchlong
I think I saw a video with that title once.
Here’s an old curse for a Jewish woman cursing a man: “May you become so successful that your widow’s second husband doesn’t have to work for a living.”
So… What does it mean when an Pacific Northwesterner calls her toddlers schmucks?
I heard it as Johnny replying “Well that would make his putter flutter”.
Uncle Max, I’ve missed our chats. So happy that you could visit, you’ve been gone too long.
Is shiksa a bad word? Should I be embarrassed if someone calls me “their favorite shiksa?”
farblungent smells so pungent.
A shiksa is a non-Jewish woman. Nothing pejorative about it, unless it’s being used by a Jewish mother to describe the girl that her son, the doctor, wants to marry.
I feel better now. :)
Schlong is a Yiddish word? Learn something new everyday.
I think that “capisce” is my favorite part of your post.
Yid-speak by way of Italy?
That’s newyawk, but it ain’t yiddish…
I’m one. But my husband’s not a doctor and my m-i-l is a gem who loves me in spite of being the goyische shiksa who stole her son…
A: She is ignorant of the meanings of the word.
B: She is a horrible person.
C: Her toddlers are horrible people.
I posted this on a different thread yesterday but it’s so funny more should see it:
“Shiksa” can also means “quite attractive, in a forbidden fruit sort of way.” In this form, it can be a nice compliment.
I am quite sure that EThompson enjoys the label.
Sorry, “shiksa” is the female form of “shaigetz”, the Yiddish form of the Hebrew word for a disgusting creepy crawly thing.
We’ve had some bad experiences with Non-Jews in our history, so the expressions are understandable, but I wouldn’t use them for a non-Jew today.
Podkayne, you are jostling my memory. I am pretty sure that I resolved a year or so ago to not use such words (including shvartze) because of all the overtones.
Those tones, however, are dropping from the vernacular understanding. To many people it can be descriptive, or complimentary.
I never say “schmuck.” It violated the CoC in my mother’s home, big – time.
Agree with Podkayne and iWe. The word shiksa has lost its force through common usage, but its original meaning was derogatory. It can be used with affection, but it’s not a word I use, and hearing others say it always makes me a little uncomfortable.
I rarely use it, usually self-deprecatingly as above.
Are you trying to make me look like a schmendrick? :)
”
iWe
Qoumidan:So… What does it mean when an Pacific Northwesterner calls her toddlers schmucks?
A: She is ignorant of the meanings of the word.
B: She is a horrible person.
C: Her toddlers are horrible people.
”
Sigh! It’s such a funny word! But in my defense, all toddlers are horrible people…
Apparently, lengthy essays (even books) have been written on this word – and some unfortunate Canadian even attempted bring hate-crime charges for having this word used against her.
My father, who grew up in predominantly Jewish neighborhoods, sometimes called me “shiksa”. And something about my upbringing left me with the vague impression that it really would discourteous to tempt nice Jewish guys with my gentile self. So I didn’t. (Not saying I didn’t harbor some pretty bad crushes from time to time, though.)
It means they joined the Occupy movement.
I am not on twitter,so I apologize if someone used this already at #ReplaceAwordWithSchlong, but I could not resist: A song that could have been sung by Lorena Bobbitt:
“So Schlong, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye….