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Let’s Talk About Sex Again
The efforts to redefine rape on campuses would be amusing if they weren’t so dangerous. But I think we need to ask ourselves why the sex-with-no-consequences-ever crowd is suddenly a champion of sex-with-hyperbolic-consequences unless it is accompanied by lots and lots of yeses. I’m wondering, do both participants have to constantly say “yes” or only the females involved? Life is so confusing these days.
It doesn’t, however, need to be confusing. The truth is that “casual sex” has always been a myth, because men and women do not approach sex in the same way, which makes it a minefield. Two “consenting adults” probably have, in other words, wildly different ideas about what is going on and what it means. It turns out that sex is not just a powerful drive and a pleasurable physical sensation, it has social, emotional, mental and spiritual consequences that complicate what the kids have been told. All that extra baggage makes it possible — even likely — that without some mores, restrictions and good old-fashioned truth-telling, men and women will use and abuse one another through sex. Who woulda thunk it?
News flash: unlimited yeses do not constitute mores that guide moral behavior. What’s curious is that campuses are trying to do what social mores and custom once did, only from the back end. They are trying to control the explosive and dangerous potential of sex without walking back the “casual sex” myth and telling young people that sex is not just about physical pleasure. Curiously, our society has elevated sex to the be-all and end-all of life without giving it any depth. What could go wrong?
We have a real problem here, but the way to turn things around is pretty obvious. The answer lies in telling the truth to young people in sex education classes around the country. You don’t need to use a religious approach to do it, though kids armed with religion stand a better chance of resisting ubiquitous lies about sex. The truth is that being “consenting adults” or “consenting teenagers” is not enough, not by a long shot, because the pill did not make men and women regard sex in the same way. Also, the pill did not change the fact that when we give our bodies to another person, the rest of us participates too — our emotions, our need for love, affirmation, and being valued and appreciated for our whole selves. The potential for hurt, misunderstanding and all kinds of damage is simply endless.
Of course teenagers are raging hormone factories, and some will succumb to that, but we need to tell them that it is possible to resist, that if they are truly concerned for that person they think they love, they will resist. They need to be taught that sex is serious. I think we will find that if we teach them the truth, kids will be able to internalize values so that they can control themselves instead of relying on the astonishingly silly and superficial “control” mechanism of demanding an unending series of yeses.
What’s interesting to me is that at bottom everybody knows that sex is serious. Rom-coms regularly affirm it. Casual, uncaring sex is not celebrated in movies about romance because it’s not romantic. On the contrary, it makes what ought to be romantic sordid. The whole formula of rom-coms is to show a process — two people are attracted to one another, though they might even superficially dislike each other at first, and they overcome obstacles as they get to know and understand each other better, which leads to love, respect and the permanent commitment of marriage. It’s a tale as old as time and true as it can be, as Mrs. Teapot from Beauty and the Beast reminds us. Since everybody knows this on some level, would it be so hard to stress the point in sex education classes? Let’s get past the idea that all behavior is equal. Some behavior really is bad and destructive.
And while we’re at it, in those classes, could we also tell kids that they can avoid poverty for themselves and their future spouses and children by doing just four things — graduating from high school, getting a job, waiting until after marriage to have kids and staying married to raise those kids? If we taught them the truth, I think we’d find that kids are not so stupid as we think. They want to avoid the pitfalls of life, but currently are not being taught what they need to know to do so.
Published in General
Seems to me that the operative trend (i.e. the way the laws are implemented, NOT the way they are actually written) is to further treat women as morons and men as rapists. This may ironically act to, on the one hand give lip service (no pun intended, well only sorta intended) so the notion of “free sex”, while actually encouraging a bit of restraint (and keeping a lawyer on retainer) on the part of singletons.
Talk about “legislating morality” though! You hold back from careless sex NOT out of respect but out of fear of jailtime! You don’t treat your date / hookup with respect because they are a fellow human being, but because they might ruin your life by reporting you to the Sex Commissar. Cultural Marxism at work again, where words and ideas are twisted to mean the opposite of what they say.
As for the issue of sex ed in schools, if you can afford it I heartily recommend private school or home school options.
For the Rico Consensual Sex App, we need to develop iBreath, an attachable breathalyser. Over the limit and the Federal Sex Police will send an intervention team to your location.
This is how they enter.
Ej, I thank you for my avatar, but I will never, ever, ever request another graphic from you.
But that middle woman in Skippy’s post does look exactly like me.
Tease.
One step closer to making us all fear and mistrust each other, so we can live in a happy socialist society like East Germany.
Seriously, this is what rampant lawsuits have done to our culture. Affording people more reasons to sue and threaten each other with fines or prison is a bad, bad move.
Exactly–the idea of moral behavior out of concern for others is not part of the picture. If my children were young now, I would not be sending them to public schools. It’s too bad though, because they had a good experience there, though things were getting dicey by the time the last one graduated.
There already was a consent app. It was pulled by apple.
Agree, but did you have to mention sororities while making this point? ;)
@ Aaron Miller: I’m no prude and far more liberal socially than many on this site, but you might have spared me that one! I like to think that occasionally one can both run and hide; hence my membership on Ricochet.
I’m not sure about the Rico Consensual Sex App.
I mean, suppose you’re using version 2, and things are getting good, and then suddenly there are a lot of 404 errors…
The following picture seems mild enough to me. But if it bothers anyone, just flag it. It seems somehow appropriate to this conversation…
Depends on if it is procreative sex or the deviant kind of sex….
My wife is a sorority girl, and is now some kind of advisor for one of the local school chapters.
Its better than the one about the jewish girl, that was a trip and a half. Another pro-tip. Beware of jewish girls who pick you up at a goth club.
The following fictional story is definitely R rated, but it seems apropos.
https://www.libertyislandmag.com/forum/openrange/view.html?t=70
well, that sure makes me view the R>2 logo with a NEW perspective.
“Depends on if it is procreative sex or the deviant kind of sex….”
Well, it’s certainly a creative situation, but I don’t know that they are pros.
I just caught this observation and had to comment that I have never walked out of a movie before it ended until I had the misfortune to pay money (as an adult) to see this film. Unfortunately, I was in NYC at the time and my blatantly *huffy* departure attracted audible gasps of disapproval. :)
I have never seen the movie. But I flipped through this book, and I am not old enough to read this book!
Funny how a serious post can get off topic and pretty funny quickly.
On the serious side, teenage sex is actually on the decline. The real problem is that people wait so long to get married. Asking a 17 year old to try and keep it in his pants for another year when he figures he will get a lifetime job at the Ford plant and get married a year out of high school is one thing. Asking a 17 year old to try and keep it in his pants for four years of college and 5 years of crappy jobs (or grad school) when if you are not living in your parents basement you are sharing an apartment with 3 other dudes is more difficult. Get that 18 year old to propose to his high school sweetheart (or new college girlfriend) during the winter break first year in college. Problem solved.
um…..er….I think we have a host of problems in this cartoon…they…um…look like siblings to me. (he said as he looked down at his shoes)
Merina – Just remember you gave your consent. Dare I say you were “asking for it.”
The classic line.
Yes–earlier marriage would be a good thing all around. Maybe not 18, but early 20s would be good. I got married at 19, but not really for sex. Because I found the right guy and he was headed off across the country to law school. Seemed like the right thing to do and it was.
Actually, an app like Bump with a separate PIN, a math problem, and a Constitution question would do the trick.
Imagine being the poor schlep at a group grope who didn’t bring his phone.
Homophobe.
Blue stuff: Merina Smith
Quoted stuff: Ej, I thank you for my avatar, but I will never, ever, ever request another graphic from you.
Moar quoted stuff: But that middle woman in Skippy’s post does look exactly like me.
A joke that wasn;t worth twenty trips to the edit button, but that’s what it took: Well, thank Heaven it’s the one in the middle, not either of those tractors at the antipodes.
@Merina- Does anyone know how D.C. Mcallister is doing? I know she has had some health challenges.
Heather Mac Donald recently wrote an excellent article titled Neo-Victorianism on Campus for The Weekly Standard.
I can’t even talk about my experiences being raped by craven young women without sounding like I am bragging. Personally I blame the Matriarchy!
We have to put an end to the Matriarchy. It leads to a culture of female entitlement they just seem to think that guys will just put out after only a few drinks that they pay for. The injustice never ends.
I have literally been punched for telling a girl no. There is an epidemic of female violence, that seems to be socially tolerated. What do you intend to do about it you dirty hateful bigots? disagreement is as bad as murder.