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My New Life
In December, nearly a year ago, I wrote that my husband had been diagnosed with a form of leukemia. However, that was not correct, we found when we visited a specialized cancer center. He was quite sick, but it was a liver problem and some kind of blood cell problem…just not cancer.
He died on October 27, 2022, a little over two weeks ago. We had a lovely funeral here for him. Our five children were all able to come, and our four grandchildren. Many friends have comforted me in person, and I’ve heard from many more via the internet and snail-mail.
We were a team for 48 years. We became “us” in February of 1974 and married in May 1974. But you know, I wasn’t ready for it to be over yet! I was hoping we’d get to ride the motorcycle for many more years. We had more places to visit and books to read.
He needed to go. He was in terrible pain and had been unable to walk for two months. He’d just gone downhill gradually, then the pace picked up over the summer until I found myself praying fervently for his release for several weeks this fall. Ooh, be careful what you pray for…God answered that prayer.
I think what I really wanted was to turn back the clock. He’d been sick for so long that we only had a few fun things we could do anymore. We’d play dominoes; watch Jeopardy! on television each evening; see a great movie for the eleventh time. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know that I was playing dominoes with him for the last time. Or that was our “final” Jeopardy! Or the next time I watched “That Thing You Do” would be by myself.
I won’t pretend this isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done. But life is just surging onward every minute. I’m substitute teaching for a good friend whose baby was born a few days ago, so that is going to keep me very busy herding cats in First Grade until Christmas break. It’s a good thing. I’ve never done this before…losing the Love of My Life…so I’ve got a lot to learn. Thanks, friends, for listening to me.
1974
2020
Published in Marriage
I’m so sorry for your loss, Cowgirl. I’m grateful you had 48 wonderful years together, and wish with all my heart they could have been extended. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man who will always be remembered as a loving husband and as someone who made the world a better place. Thank you for sharing your story.
CG, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m 8 years ahead of you on the widowhood journey. (I only wish I’d had as much time with my husband as you two had, though!). I’m glad you have lots of family and friends to help support you.
By the way, there is no such thing as “closure” when it comes to grief. There is only getting used to the new normal. Sorry to be so blunt, but I’m still annoyed by those who say you’ll get over it. No, it doesn’t work that way.
I will emphatically second this. There is no getting over this loss, but rather you adapt to a new normal. And that takes time.
I have no words of wisdom, as I have never experienced this sort of loss myself. You have my sympathies, Cow Girl.
Well, I did major in English! In addition, I’m a native speaker!
But I know what you mean.
Yes, Mr. She and I did build this house. And this barn. “We” built them in the past:
And I’ll never diminish his role in that. Saying that the two of us did something in the past seems entirely appropriate to me.
Nevertheless, since he died in July of 2020, I’ve made a number of changes. Those were changes I made on my own, and although when I describe them I still have a bit of the I/We dichotomy to resolve, I think he wouldn’t mind.
Dear Cow Girl, I am so very sorry for your loss and it sounds like a profound loss, indeed. I haven’t experienced anything like it, but it sounds like some of those here who have can be a source of wisdom and comfort. Whatever you need, I hope you can find some of it here.
So, so sorry for your loss.