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Losing a Son
It is with the deepest, inexpressible pain that Robin and I mourn the death of our son Tyler who ended his life a week ago. For over two decades Tyler battled the voices of paranoid schizophrenia. His whole family participated fully in his life with every available resource for body, mind, and soul. Tyler’s legacy is a love for family, farming, poetry, and letter writing. His gentle kindness was felt by any and all who had the benefit of his presence. His encouragement was a ballast, giving of himself to others. His dogs and cats experienced a love they could never have found elsewhere.
Tyler and I had constant conversations about all of life, he and I were resources for each other in our reading and writing. We spent hours and hours talking about great authors and the impact of their works on us. I was constantly learning from him. His editorial skills were second to none. He was an auditory editor, asking me to read aloud. And he would stop me when he heard a word out of place or he would offer a new approach to a sentence. He pushed me to be better in my teaching and writing in the best of ways. His poetry plumbed the depths of spirit I only saw at a distance. He saw and felt in ways that opened new vistas of expression for me.
I would always end my conversations with my son by saying, “You’re my hero.” He was a monument of perseverance and relentless courage in the face of a darkness I will never know. He fought and fought until he could fight no more.
We would often revel in our friendship. We both knew that being friends as son and father was a treasure to be cherished. And we enjoyed each other’s company with an ease and a presence I will miss terribly.
There is a need now to grieve, wail, moan, and cry; to silently scream and loudly lament. It is a time of woe. And there is no sense trying to say something that will mask the agony of losing a son. I will miss him the rest of my days and look forward with great anticipation to being reunited with him on the Other Side.
Hold each other close. Give as much as you can to others in need. Care for everyone in your spheres of influence. Be bold in your love.
Schizophrenia robs a person of who they are. Tyler battled his illness but never lost his care for others. In honor of Tyler and our family, some of my former students organized a fundraiser for IJM.org Please consider giving for those who cannot defend themselves to honor Tyler’s care for others: https://www.mightycause.com/story/Tylermicaheckelfund
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We will grieve with you for the death of your beloved, darling boy. You knew him from the moment you held him and treasured every day after. I am so sorry for this heartbreak.
With tear-stained cheeks, I am grateful for your kind words.
I am so sorry to hear. The hurt is great because the love is great. May he Rest In Peace and you and your family receive solace. God give you strength.
Bless you and your family, each of us have trials and battles that few others see or can understand but all share the love and hope of a loving God.
My post was a few hours before but it took me 12 weeks to write it because the pain is still so fresh. I feel yours and share the need to “grieve, wail, moan and cry.”I’m not an intellectual heavyweight and can never express it as well as you have so I will simply echo your advice.
Let us hold on to the knowledge that there are others who understand and share the grief.
May God give you and your family His grace and peace.
Praying now. Tears in my eyes. Words fail, but I ask The Lord give you comfort.
I know in the past week you have experienced every strong emotion God wired into us. Just know that we all love you and we will pray for you.
May God give you and your family is Wisdom, Grace and Peace.
I read this and Foghorn’s post with tears in my eyes. Praying for you both and your families.
And now my son has a weird look on his face trying to figure out why I just walked over and hugged him.
I’m so sorry to hear about this. One of my close friends lost his son in an accident, so I know how painful it can be . . .
Praying. And crying. They say I’m a stoic, and I suppose it’s true. But losing my son or daughter – I can hardly fathom it. Praying for your family, and our children.
Bless you for your generosity of spirit.
Thank you for your kind words and remembrance of The Hope.
If nothing else, we walk the road together. And that is no small thing. We will join each other in grief and tears. Your words, my words, will “echo” down the corridors of our days; and perhaps, just perhaps, another door will open in that hallway of pain, another will step out, and we will link arms with them in true empathy.
Gratitude for your solace.
Prayers, tears, and comfort. A great prescription. Thank you.
Bless you @MarciN
Amen. May it be so.
The best response a father could give. Good for you. And thank you for sharing that experience.
No words. I can’t imagine your pain.
I am so sorry to hear this. I worked with many people schizophrenia and it does affect the entire family. Holding you in prayer.
I think for both of us our son’s made us better fathers and generally better people. My son taught me so much and now all I can do is strive to live up to what he deserved. Let your son have that weird look, it’s worth the love. Cherish it.
Thank you for introducing us to your son. Condolences and prayers for your son, your family, and all those who loved Tyler.
“I will not say do not weep; for not all tears are an evil”-JRR Tolkien
My heart breaks for you and your family for the loss of your beloved son. All of you are in my prayers.
What Percy said. Thank you for posting this.
What terrible awful news. My heart breaks for both you and @foghorn and your families
You are now part of a blessed small group – those who have buried a child. I watched my parents navigate that path for decades. Their perseverance and attention to their remaining kids, and mostly their own marriage, was the most inspiring thing I’ve ever witnessed.
Prayers. Xoxox
There are. My thoughts and prayers are with the Eckel family at this difficult time.
May God’s peace and the Grace of His Holy Spirit give you and your family comfort in this terrible trial.
Between you and Foghorn today, I have had a peek into every parent’s worst fear. May Jesus comfort both of you with his strength, May out blessed Mother take you in her arms, and May the final joy we all strive for see you reunited with your sons.